109 result(s) for Funny Finance Quotes.
"The only difference between a caprice and a law is that the caprice is more constant."
"Behind every great fortune there is a crime."
"I've learned that money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
"There's no such thing as a free lunch, but there's a lot of free advice."
"The lack of money is the root of all evil."
"I invest in debt, because that’s where the real interest is."
"You can't be in a relationship with money that's one-sided. It's like dating someone who's never around."
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"I don’t have a money problem. I have a spending problem."
"If you think money can't buy happiness, you probably aren't spending it right."
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
"Why is money called ‘dough’? Because we all knead it!"
"If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging!"
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"My therapist told me a need to take a less aggressive approach to my finances. Now I just don’t pay my bills until they call and ask nicely."
"There is no wealth like knowledge, and no poverty like ignorance."
"I used to think money was the root of all evil. Now I think it’s a lack of money."
"If money talks, then I'm a mute."
"Never spend your money before you have it."
"It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours."
"The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive."
"I have a finance degree. I know how to handle my money. In fact, I can make it disappear without a trace."
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"There are only two kinds of people in the world: those who have a financial plan and those who will be poor."
"Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law."
"I finally found out how to make money. I sell the idea of making money to other people."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments."
"Financial success is not about what you know; it's all about what you do with what you know."
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like."
"I'd like to be rich enough to have a yacht. A little one."
"The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any."
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?"
"A penny saved is a penny earned, but a penny spent is a thrill to be enjoyed."
"I’m not rich, but I do like to buy shoes."
"It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled."
"The only time I feel good about spending money is when I do it with someone else’s."
"The four most expensive words in the English language are, 'This time it’s different.'"
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"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"Imagine if you will, a world filled with millionaires. You know what it would be filled with? Millionaires."
"Investing is simply the art of letting your money work for you, while you sleep."
"The main purpose of the stock market is to keep newspapers in business."
"The stock market is designed to transfer money from the Active to the Patient."
"I wouldn’t care to be a millionaire if I had to be one in the newspapers."
"The four most expensive words in the English language are, 'This time it's different.'"
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"Investing should be more like watching paint dry or watching grass grow. If you want excitement, take $800 and go to Las Vegas."
"Money can't buy you happiness, but it can make you a lot more comfortable while you're being miserable."
"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a financial problem is a good guy with a financial plan."
"A penny saved is a penny earned, but a penny invested is a penny multiplied."
"The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."
"A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it."
"There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can’t."
"It’s not your salary that makes you rich, it’s your spending habits."
"Never invest in a business you can't understand."
"The rich invest in time, the poor invest in money."
"Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it’s about having a lot of options."
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"Know what you own, and know why you own it."
"Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago."
"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket."
"Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells."
"The stock market is filled with individuals who know the price of everything, but the value of nothing."
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
"The only reason to be in the stock market is to buy low and sell high, and nobody wants to do that."
"In investing, what is comfortable is rarely profitable."
"Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable."
"The four most dangerous words in investing are: 'This time it's different.'"
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."
"I have a stock market tip for you: buy low and sell high."
"The stock market is a device for transferring money from the impatient to the patient."
"Time is money, especially when you're talking finance."
"Why is there so much money in politics? Well, that's simple. It's because so much money is involved in politics."
"It’s not whether you win or lose, but whether I win or lose."
"If you want to be rich, think of saving as a type of insurance."
"The only wealth which you will keep forever is the wealth you have given away."
"A penny saved is a penny earned."
"The market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent."
"If it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all."
"Invest in yourself. Your career is the engine of your wealth."
"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."
"You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage work ethic."
"Wealth is not about having money; it's about having options."
"Money often costs too much."
"It’s hard to make predictions, especially about the future."
"I’m not a businessman. I’m a business, man!"
"Money can’t buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you’re being miserable."
"There's no money in poetry, but then there's no poetry in money, either."
"I make a lot of money. I mean a lot of money. I spend a lot of money. I mean a lot of money."
"I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back."
"The only reason to be in a rally is because it's a chance to cheer for your team. You want to remind everyone who they cheer for, not boo for the other side."
"You can’t be financially literate if you don’t know how to balance your checkbook."
"A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went."
"I wish I had a nickel for every dime I didn’t have."
"I’m not a businessman; I’m a business, man."
"Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant."
"If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"Never take a dollar out of your pocket when you can use someone else's."
"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gives it to."
"The only way to make money is to stop spending it."
"Save money, and money will save you."
"It’s not how much money you make, but how much you keep that matters."
"Buying on credit is like paying a little bit more for the privilege of being broke."
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
"The four most dangerous words in investing are: 'This time it’s different.'"
"Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it."
"Every time you borrow money, you're robbing your future self."
"When I had money everyone called me brother."
"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."
"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial."
"Financial freedom is available to those who learn about it and work for it."
"In the end, the best investment you can make is in yourself."
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