119 result(s) for Funny Wood Sign Quotes.
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"Our house is a mess, but it’s a happy mess."
"The early bird can have the worm, because worms are gross."
"Welcome to our ool. Notice there is no ‘p’ in it. Please keep it that way."
"If you think I’m crazy, you should meet my friends."
"In this house, we don’t hide crazy. We parade it down the street."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
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"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I used to care, but now I take a pill for that."
"Good friends bring happiness; great friends bring wine."
"You can’t be late until you show up."
"Admit it: you’re a stress-relief worker."
"This house runs on love, laughter, and strong coffee."
"Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring, so I go back to being me."
"I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut."
"I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me."
"I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"We don’t need a therapist, we need a deep-fried turkey!"
"Eat cake. It’s somebody’s birthday somewhere."
"Life is too short to be serious. If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me. I’ll laugh at you."
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"Gone to the beach. Be back never."
"This house is maintained by whiskey and prayer."
"You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy wine, and that’s kind of the same thing."
"Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no 'p' in it. You can leave your worries outside."
"We don't skinny dip. We chunky dunk."
"I’m on the patch right now, but I’ll get off the couch soon."
"My house is a mess, but it's a happy mess!"
"Housework is the art of making everything look dirty again."
"May you be half an hour in heaven before the devil knows you're dead."
"If you think I’m cute, you should see my dog!"
"If you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine."
"I would like to be the hero of my dreams, but I’m really just a sidekick."
"Eat dessert first. You never know what might happen!"
"No one cares about your salad."
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"Does this make my butt look big? Yes? Good."
"If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out."
"Happiness is a warm puppy."
"Don’t worry; beer is a good source of carbohydrates!"
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
"When nothing goes right, go left."
"If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
"Dust is just a protective coating for fine furniture."
"This is where I keep my trophies: a.k.a. everything I’ve ever found under the couch."
"I can’t adult today; please don’t make me."
"The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake."
"This kitchen is for dancing."
"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."
"If you think I'm crazy, wait until you meet my friends."
"Home is where you hang your hat... and your pants."
"You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. But it helps!"
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"If you’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"The difference between a pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I'm on the patch to recovery — I think, I've misplaced my patch."
"Some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"There's no place like home... except grandpa's house!"
"If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk!"
"Coffee: because adulting is hard."
"A clean house is a sign of a broken computer."
"I may be a handful, but that’s why you’ve got two hands."
"Welcome to our ool. Notice there is no 'P' in it. Please keep it that way!"
"My house, my rules. You just live here."
"Squirrel crossing. Slow down, or you might be nuts!"
"If you think I'm crazy, you should meet my family!"
"In this house, we don't hide crazy. We parade it out in the open."
"Home is where you can say whatever you want because no one listens."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"The only thing that better than having you as a wife is our kids having you as a mom."
"Don't worry, be happy. No one's watching anyway!"
"This home runs on love, laughter, and strong coffee."
"Laundry today or naked tomorrow."
"Love the wine you're with."
"Happiness comes in waves — but so do laundry piles."
"The more people I meet, the more I love my dog."
"I put the pro in procrastination."
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia!"
"If you can't find it, it's probably in a drawer labeled "miscellaneous.""
"A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand."
"Time flies when you're having rum!"
"We interrupt this marriage to bring you football season."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
"My house is not a mess. It’s ‘lived in’!"
"If you’re going to be late, please don’t come."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"Welcome to my kitchen: I will not be cooking today."
"Home is where you can saying anything you like, ’cause nobody listens to you anyway."
"In this house, we do second chances. But we don't do third chances. That's how we argue in this house."
"Bless the food before us, the family beside us, and the love between us... and don't forget the dessert!"
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"Dogs are my favorite people."
"We don’t skinny dip. We chunky dunk."
"Happiness is homemade."
"There’s no place like home… except grandma’s."
"I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode."
"If you think I'm crazy, you should see my family!"
"Eat cake. It’s somebody’s birthday somewhere!"
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
"This home runs on love and coffee."
"I may be a bad influence, but damn, I’m fun!"
"Don’t worry, be happy!"
"You can't make everyone happy; you're not a taco."
"I laugh in the face of danger! Then I hide until it goes away."
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
"If we aren't supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"Life is tough, but so are you!"
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