109 result(s) for Short Funny Quotes For Signs.
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I can't adult today. Please don't make me."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"Sometimes I wish I could be a kid again. Skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts."
"I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
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"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
"I am on a chocolate diet. I only eat chocolate."
"You can’t have everything, where would you put it?"
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something."
"My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry."
"I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough."
"If you think you are too small to be heard, try yelling in a library."
"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"A balanced diet is having a cupcake in each hand."
"I finally learned how to add, but now I can't remember what!"
"I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it."
"I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's still not flying."
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"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."
"I'm not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"Just because I can't sing doesn't mean I won't sing."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can't laugh at yourself, call me and I will!"
"I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off."
"If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts."
"I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"If Mondays were shoes, they’d be crocs."
"I can't believe I got fired from the fruit shop. I kept throwing the customers out for not peeling properly!"
"I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet."
"I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem."
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"I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze!"
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
"I am on the patch to a healthier me, but there is a snack trap!"
"If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be happy to do it for you."
"I have a love/hate relationship with stairs; I love them, they hate me."
"I didn’t fall; I’m just spending some quality time with the floor."
"I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!"
"A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality."
"I feel like I need to ask Google if I’m okay."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I can’t brain today; I have the dumb."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work out, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet!"
"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!"
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach photos."
"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
"If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"A clean house is a sign of a broken computer."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
"I've learned that if you love life, life will love you back."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I finally found out what’s wrong with my brain. On the left side, nothing’s right, and on the right side, nothing’s left!"
"If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me. I’ll laugh at you."
"It’s OK if you don’t like me; not everyone has good taste."
"If you think I’m crazy, you should see my friends!"
"I’m on the patch now. No more carbs for me. Just kidding, I’m still eating them. – Unknown"
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers. – Unknown"
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. – Unknown"
"Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese. – Billie Burke"
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode. – Unknown"
"If we weren’t supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge? – Unknown"
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. – Unknown"
"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. – Unknown"
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey"
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments. – Earl Wilson"
"I can’t believe I still have to say this, but don’t eat Tide Pods. – Unknown"
"Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring. So I go back to being me. – Unknown"
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. – Barbara Johnson"
"I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right. – Unknown"
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch. – Unknown"
"I’m just here to avoid friends on Facebook. – Unknown"
"If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. – Steven Wright"
"Born to express, not to impress. – Unknown"
"When nothing goes right, go left. – Unknown"
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? – Steven Wright"
"Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. – Unknown"
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. – Unknown"
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice. – Unknown"
"I'm not great at advice. Can I interest you in friendship instead? – Carrie Fisher"
"I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down! – Unknown"
"If you can’t convince them, confuse them. – Harry S. Truman"
"If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. – Dalai Lama"
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