118 result(s) for Funny Quotes For New Parents.
"Having a baby is like having a little roommate who never pays rent and steals your food."
"I'm fully convinced that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but a woman's is through her sleep."
"Parenting is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how."
"You know you're a parent when you hear your kids say 'let's go to bed' and you respond, 'thank you!'"
"Your parenting style can be classified into three categories: avoiding meltdowns, managing meltdowns, and recovering from meltdowns."
"Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children. Now, I have six children and no theories."
"Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet. You can't really do it, you just pretend you can."
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"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"The only time my kids can get my attention is when I'm talking to someone else."
"Kids are like little tornadoes. They make chaos and there is no escape from them."
"You can’t scare me, I have kids."
"There’s a fine line between parenting and being a dictator."
"A child is a curly dimpled lunatic."
"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
"If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart."
"I love to watch my kids succeed, but I love a good meltdown too. It reminds me that life is a great comedy."
"Being a parent can be a little like being a babysitter. For the first couple of hours, it’s a lot of fun. The next five make you want to hire a babysitter."
"The first time I had a baby, I was terrified. The second time, I was terrified. It's funny that way!"
"The joys of parenting are endless, often followed by chaos and then laughter."
"The best thing about parenting is that you get to reclaim your own childhood."
"Children are the only ones who can take a nap in the middle of a hurricane."
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"Life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a mother."
"Nothing prepares you for parenting. Nothing."
"Remember, the goal of parenting is to raise kids who will be responsible adults. If they can keep their rooms clean, that’s just an added bonus."
"Your baby is a piece of paper. You will write on it every day."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"The first time I held my baby in my arms, I knew it was going to be a ride of a lifetime."
"You should always put your wife first, if you don’t you’ll lose your mind. Once you have a baby, your wife becomes your second priority. If you don’t take care of her, she’ll be misunderstood. Remember, she is still your partner."
"Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park."
"Just when you think you know what life is about, you get a baby to throw it all into disarray."
"Parenthood: the scariest 'hood' you'll ever live in."
"You know you’re a parent when you spend more time picking up toys than playing with them."
"The only thing more exhausting than being a parent is trying to sleep when you’re one."
"If you think parenting is easy, you’re probably not doing it right."
"A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day."
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"There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one."
"Kids are like a pint of ice cream. They’re sweet and messy and hard to get rid of when you’re done."
"Behind every parent is a pile of laundry."
"The best thing about being a parent is that you get to be a kid again."
"The amazing thing about becoming a parent is that you will never again be your own first priority."
"As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen."
"Having kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken."
"When your baby is born, you immediately realize that the time is short. But at the same time, you notice every detail."
"My kids are my best friends. They are just the only friends I can’t get rid of."
"To be a parent is to be in a constant state of worry, but at the same time, the most unconditional joy."
"Parenthood is a journey filled with obstacles; it's a rollercoaster of joys and challenges."
"Parenting is a lot like flying a plane: it's all about knowing the rules and knowing when to break them."
"Before I had kids, I thought I was the best parent ever. Then I had kids."
"I used to be a super mom. Now I just strive to be a 'not bad' mom."
"You know you’re a mom when you’ve been so busy you forgot to put your pants on."
"Having a toddler is like having a pet tornado."
"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."
"Raising kids is like being on a roller coaster - it's full of ups and downs, but the thrill is worth every scream!"
"A perfect parent is a myth. A good parent shows up and tries their best."
"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"
"Parenting is all about instincts and a little bit of luck. And wine. Mostly wine."
"Children are like little dictators; they want what they want, and they want it now."
"The days are long, but the years are short—a great reminder for parenting."
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
"Toddlers are the most difficult ID checkers—it's hard to convince them that bedtime is not optional."
"Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, a kid will show you the exit door."
"Nothing is really lost until your mom can't find it."
"To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today."
"There is no such thing as a perfect parent; so just be a real one."
"Parenthood: The scariest hood you'll ever live in."
"Being a parent means you have to be both a superhero and a total clown."
"A mother’s love is more beautiful than the rarest gem; it blooms like a flower in the garden of life."
"Sometimes the best parenting advice is simply, 'You're doing a great job!'"
"There’s nothing like a kid to remind you that you’re still a kid at heart."
"A baby is born with a need to be loved – and never outgrows it."
"Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth."
"There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."
"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice."
"You can’t be a good parent if you’re not a good person."
"There is no such thing as a perfect parent, so just be a real one."
"Being a parent is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park."
"Sleep like a baby? No thank you. I’d rather sleep like my husband."
"They say parenting is like riding a bike. The bike is on fire and you’re on fire and everything is on fire because you’re in hell."
"There’s no blame in parenting; only smudges of whatever that was."
"If you think that it is hard to be a parent, try being a child."
"To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today."
"I thought it would be fun to have a baby. I didn't realize it would be such hard work."
"The only thing more exhausting than being a parent is not being one."
"Kids are like sponges, they soak up everything."
"You know you're a parent when you spend half your time thinking about crevice cleaning."
"Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare."
"Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up."
"Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about."
"There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings."
"As a parent, you will never be able to control everything your child does, but you can control how you act and react."
"The best way to make children good is to make them happy."
"Kids will not remember what you tried to teach them. They will remember what you are."
"Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child."
"Just when you think you know love, something little comes along to remind you just how big it is."
"Being a parent is like being a referee. You want to be liked, but you also have to enforce the rules."
"Before I had kids, I thought sleeping in was a luxury. Now I’m just happy to get any sleep."
"There’s no way to be a perfect parent, and a million ways to be a good one."
"Parenthood is the scariest thing you’ll ever do, but it’s also the greatest adventure of your life."
"I thought I had a handle on everything until I had a kid who had a tantrum in public."
"You can’t scare me. I have a toddler."
"Being a mom is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed."
"If I had known how much fun it would be to have grandkids, I would have had them first."
"The only thing I know for sure is that next time I answer 'Are you ready for kids?' I’ll say 'No.'"
"The biggest surprise of parenting? You constantly have to convince your child that the red button should not be pressed."
"Kids are like farts. You may not want to admit it, but you’re glad you’ve got them."
"There's no way to be a perfect parent, and a million ways to be a good one."
"It takes a village to raise a child. Unless you have teenagers. Then it takes a whole city."
"Motherhood is the exquisite inconvenience of being another person’s everything."
"Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare."
"You know you're a parent when you're still awake at 2 AM and trying to remember the last time you slept."
"90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again."
"Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them, but for us?"
"I used to have a handle on life, but then the handle broke."
"The most precious jewels you’ll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children."
"Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how."
"Little kids are like big kids, just smaller and louder."
"They say parenting is a full-time job, but I think 'full-time' is an understatement."
"Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for."
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