128 result(s) for Funny Retirement Quotes For Coworkers.
"Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest but not so much that you run out of money."
"I don't want to rush you, but I heard that the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"You have been getting on my nerves for 20 years – I can’t believe I’ll have to start missing you now!"
"Just remember, once you retire, you can go to the beach any day, it’s just the workdays that you’ve got to watch out for."
"I'm retiring early to spend more time with my computer. It's a complicated relationship."
"The only reason I’m retiring is because I don't want to spend another day in the office with you!"
"Of course, I’ll miss you. But it’s a lot easier to miss you when I’m not sharing a workspace with you."
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"When I was younger, I thought the joy of retirement would be lying on a beach in Hawaii. Now I think it's just lying on the couch."
"Retirement is when the living is easy — and the getting back to work is hard!"
"You know you’re retired when you have to start checking what day it is on a calendar… and still forget!"
"Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache… unless you owe money!"
"You’ll never be bored in retirement… until you find out there are only so many times you can rearrange your sock drawer."
"Now that you’re retiring, you can begin your lifelong hobby — procrastination!"
"You can retire, but you will never retire from my mind!"
"In retirement, it’s all about taking it easy, relaxing… and wondering what you did before!"
"Retirement: It’s the only time in your life when time no longer matters — but you’re still running out of it!"
"Get ready to enjoy your retirement – and everything in it that you won’t have to worry about anymore."
"Congratulations on your retirement! Now you have 24/7 to make as many naps as you’d like."
"Welcome to your new office: the sofa, the beach, and anywhere else you can kick back and relax!"
"I have a retirement plan — it’s called ‘working as little as possible.’"
"Retired: Under new management; See wife for details."
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"You’re not retiring from work; you’re retiring to a new life full of fun… or so they say!"
"Enjoy your retirement… just don’t ask me how I’m feeling when you don’t have to wake up early anymore!"
"The best part about retirement is that you never have to take a vacation again."
"I can’t believe I’m getting paid for this,” said no retiree ever!"
"Retirement is when you stop living at work and begin working at living."
"I’ve been doing what I love for years. Now I’m retiring, and I can finally relax!"
"I’m not retiring. I’m just going to be a full-time grandparent."
"At last! My long-awaited 'Do Not Disturb' sign has been approved!"
"Retirement: It’s a time to be free and to do as little or as much as you want!"
"Retirement means no pressure, no stress, and no heart attacks. Just kidding, it’s all about the late-night snacks!"
"The best part about retirement is that you don’t have to pack a lunch anymore!"
"I finally found out how to wake up early without an alarm clock: I stop caring!"
"You know you’re retired when every day is Saturday!"
"I have a million chores to do, but they can wait until tomorrow… or the day after!"
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"Retired and loving it—now I have all day to binge-watch my favorite shows!"
"I’m so glad I’m retiring! I finally have time to do all the things I never wanted to do!"
"When I’m retired, I’ll be so busy I’ll need a planner just to keep track of doing nothing!"
"Retirement is the perfect time to rediscover all the hobbies you never had time for… like napping!"
"Bye-bye tension, hello pension!"
"You know you’re retired when you wake up in the morning and realize you don’t have to count the days until Friday!"
"Not working is just too hard, I think I need to try harder!"
"The only thing better than a coffee break is a permanent break!"
"Retirement is like a long, permanent vacation where you can do anything… except your old job!"
"I’ll never retire. I’ll just keep changing addresses!"
"I thought retirement would be easy. Now I don’t know how I ever had time to work!"
"I can retire now and do nothing—or I can do nothing and see if anyone notices!"
"Retirement: Another word for never ending weekends!"
"I’m retiring… to a life of adventure and sleeping in!"
"Goodbye tension, hello pension!"
"I’m not lazy; I’m just on my retirement schedule!"
"I’ve learned that you can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have."
"Retirement: No pressure, no stress, no heartache… unless you owe money!"
"I'm not retired. I'm simply a professional at being off duty."
"The only thing I miss about working is... my paycheck."
"Retirement: It's when you stop living at work and begin working at living."
"You know you're retired when every day is Saturday."
"I finally get to be the person I was during summer vacation, but all year long!"
"Retirement: The time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working."
"Now that I'm retired, I have to wonder how I ever had time to work!"
"I worked all my life to retire, and now I'm too tired to enjoy it!"
"Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"The best part of retirement is that you don’t have to wear a name tag."
"When you realize you’re not getting paid to share your opinion at work anymore, you’ll realize how much you love retirement!"
"I can't believe I got a promotion and all I had to do was retire!"
"I used to dread going to work, but now when I wake up in the morning, I just consider my options… which is really interesting!"
"Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but you definitely don’t want to lose everything you put in."
"The years fly by, but you'll find that in retirement, you can take your sweet time."
"Retirement is simply the beginning of a new adventure. The only requirement is that your only duty is to enjoy it."
"The worst thing about retirement is that you never get a day off."
"I may be retired, but I will still keep my office hours – 9:00 AM until I feel like it!"
"I’ve been retired for two years – and I still don’t know how I had the time to work!"
"In retirement, every day is a Saturday, but you still need to make sure to do the laundry every now and then!"
"Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living."
"I retired to do nothing. I wish I'd started doing it earlier."
"Retirement: No job, no responsibility, no stress, and no money. But at least you have time to relax!"
"I'm retired! Now I wage war against being bored!"
"The best part about retirement is that you don't have to worry about being late to work anymore. You're late every day!"
"A retiree is someone who has had to change his or her mind about work. You can't call it a 'job' if you're not getting paid."
"The only time I get to sleep in is on the days that I don't have to work. Thank goodness for retirement!"
"I thought retirement would be boring... I was wrong. I now have far too much fun to even think about that!"
"Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest but not so much that you ruin it."
"I don’t know how I found time to work before I retired!"
"Retirement: where every day is Saturday, except better because you don't have to do laundry on Sundays."
"You know you're retired when 'happy hour' is a nap."
"Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last long!"
"I wish I had more time to be as lazy as I am in retirement."
"In retirement, I'll mostly be just catching up on all those things I put off for thirty years."
"Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it."
"Retirement is when you stop working for money and start working for fun!"
"Retirement is like a never-ending weekend."
"I never knew my true calling until I retired: napping."
"I can't believe I got a job doing nothing! Oh wait, I'm retired!"
"Retirement: when you can spend even more time with your family while pretending to ignore them."
"Retirement is the time of life when you finally get to do what you always wanted to but never had time for—like sleeping in the middle of the day."
"Why do they call it 'retirement'? Sounds like a place for old people. I prefer to call it 'my new adventure!'"
"As soon as I retire, I'm going to spend all my time cozying up in front of the TV and eating snacks."
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. That's why I’m enjoying my retirement!"
"Retirement means no pressures, no deadlines, and no need to get dressed until noon!"
"Congratulations on your retirement! Now the fun of doing absolutely nothing begins!"
"The best part about retirement is that you don’t have to worry about ‘working hard’ anymore. You just have to worry about ‘hardly working’."
"I'm retired. Goodbye tension, hello pension!"
"Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying about your income."
"The only time I wear a suit is when I'm playing golf."
"I retired and found that I am twice as busy as when I worked."
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you. Enjoy your retirement!"
"Retirement is the time to take the time to live your life, your way."
"You can retire from a job, but don’t ever retire from making a difference."
"Retirement: It's when you stop living at work and start working at living."
"I thought I would miss my coworkers, but I really don’t. They can’t call me at home!"
"Just remember, once you’re retired, you’re never going to do anything you don’t want to do!"
"I will be at home, in my pajamas, eating snacks and watching Netflix. Retirement is great!"
"Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache…unless you take a nap and miss your tee time!"
"Work hard and you will succeed; but remember to retire early and enjoy life!"
"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."
"I can’t wait to retire and live off the money I never made while I was working."
"Retirement: It’s not the end of the world, it’s just the end of the paycheck."
"I’m so glad to be retired; I can now spend my time doing absolutely nothing!"
"Once you retire, you’ll never want to go back to work. Unless it’s to a beach!"
"You can’t really be too careful these days. You never know when you might be forced into retirement!"
"Be careful what you wish for; it might come true and you might have to retire!"
"In retirement, you earn money by doing what you love — or by doing nothing at all."
"Why do they call it retirement? It's more like ‘permanent vacation’!"
"Retiring is like a long vacation, but there’s no packing or traveling required!"
"I can't believe I actually retired early; now I have the time to watch all the daytime TV I want!"
"The key to retirement is to find joy in what you have, and what you can do."
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