129 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Coworkers.
"I told my boss that I needed a raise. He said, 'For what? You already do the work of three people!' I said, 'I know, but two of them are really lazy.'"
"Behind every successful team, there is a coworker who is really good at hiding from the boss."
"My coworker said he wasn't going to work on Fridays. I asked why not, and he said, 'Because I'm trying to reduce my carbon footprint. Work is dead weight!'"
"There's no 'we' in fries."
"The only thing more dangerous than a woman with a power point presentation is a man with a deadline."
"I'm currently unsupervised. I see it as a privilege."
"I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted a paycheck."
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"Meetings are where minutes are kept and hours are lost."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I have a coworker who eats my lunch, but I just say it's a bonding experience."
"Happy Monday! Just kidding, it's a disaster already."
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia."
"I would like to thank my coffee for always being there for me. You really are my best coworker."
"If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Monday."
"I’m just saying that if we go to a meeting, and you tell me I can’t work from home, I’m going to bring my laptop into bed."
"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for, I don’t know."
"My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home."
"They say that laughter is the best medicine. That makes my coworkers pharmacists."
"If your job is to be a co-worker, then I guess that's a job well done."
"I have a colleague that can turn any request into a long-winded story about the 'good old days.'"
"Let’s make sure our coworkers know that no matter how serious we are, we still take time for laughs."
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"I’m not saying I’m a great employee. I’m just saying I’ve never been fired for taking a lunch break."
"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you; a coworker is someone who just wants you to stop talking about your cat."
"I finally have a new title. I’m now 'Chief Executive of Avoidance.'"
"I don’t always have time to work, but when I do, I prefer to procrastinate."
"My coworkers are like a great comedy duo. I laugh, I cry, and I sometimes get really confused."
"Behind every great team is a group of people who are secretly each other's biggest fans."
"I love my job. It’s the people I work with that make it tolerable!"
"If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Monday."
"The best part about being a coworker? Never having to be alone in your craziness."
"Some of my coworkers are like a home-cooked meal: comforting, enjoyable, and occasionally a little too salty."
"Every time I see my coworkers struggling, I remind myself: they probably don’t know how to work the coffee machine either."
"People say that work is all about teamwork, but let’s be honest: it’s really all about figuring out your coworkers’ coffee preferences."
"To err is human; to blame it on the coworker is more human."
"When I say ‘let’s collaborate’, I really mean ‘you do the work and I’ll take credit.’"
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"If you think your coworkers are a pain, just remember — everybody’s got a job to do!"
"My favorite workout is lifting the morale of my coworkers."
"I wouldn’t say my coworkers are crazy. I’d say they’re unique — in a few ways."
"Having a bad day at work? Just remember it’s nothing a good snack and some memes can’t fix."
"If you want to make your coworkers laugh, just show up one day wearing pants."
"I started a new exercise routine at work: running away from all my responsibilities."
"Some days, I think my coworkers are wonderful. Other days, I think we need to have a group therapy session."
"My coworkers and I have a secret: none of us really know what we're doing."
"At work, I am a master of pretending to understand what’s going on in meetings."
"Teamwork makes the dream work, unless your team includes someone who can’t figure out the printer."
"Nothing like a little office gossip to spice up a slow workday!"
"If you think your coworkers are lazy, just wait until you see my new plan for productivity."
"I’m not saying my coworkers are out to get me, but I did find a unicycle in my office yesterday."
"I thought I wanted a career, but all I really wanted was to be a coworker’s snack buddy."
"One day, I want to be a boss. Until then, I’m just working for snacks and socializing."
"You know you’re at the right job when your desk has just as many snacks as files."
"The only thing we take seriously at work is snack time."
"I told my coworkers I need to make a change in my life, and they finally stopped trying to change me."
"The only thing worse than a bad coworker is no coworker at all."
"Behind every great employee is a coworker who did not say, 'Have a great day!'"
"You can’t be late for work if you never go."
"I have a new employee (not to be confused with office furniture—he's not that useless)."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it—especially when my coworker brings snacks!"
"I don't mind working with the office staff at all—unless they talk to me while I'm trying to work!"
"If I had a dollar for every time I said 'Happy Monday' in the break room, I’d have enough to retire on Friday."
"Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday is so close to Monday?"
"I have a coworker who makes me feel really productive—I just spend more time trying to avoid them."
"Dear coworker, I’m not your therapist. Don’t work out your issues around the coffee machine."
"The best coworkers are like good coffee: strong, warm, and keep you awake!"
"I love how we can sit in silence together while pretending to work."
"We don’t often see eye to eye, but that’s fine—our office chairs are adjustable!"
"My coworker asked me how I stay so positive. I said, 'I just choose to ignore you.'"
"Absurdity is the emblem of most ordinary coworking situations."
"Coworkers are like good software: they need constant updates and occasional reboots."
"I can always count on my coworkers to find a reason to procrastinate together."
"Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday."
"Every time my coworker says, 'Let's circle back', I prepare to explore another dimension of inefficiency."
"My office is a mixed bag of personalities: a bit of genius, a dash of madness, and a whole lot of coffee."
"I look forward to each workday, not for productivity, but for the free entertainment of my coworkers' antics."
"Having a great coworker is like having a fabulous friend who’d also write you up if you leave early."
"Coworkers are like a diet: sometimes they’re good for you, but often they’re a bit too rich."
"My coworkers and I are the ultimate team—especially when it’s time to order lunch!"
"I told my coworkers 10 jokes to make them laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did."
"My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home."
"The only time I feel like a good coworker is when I sit in a different chair."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"Behind every great employee is a boss who is pretty sure he’s screwing it up."
"My coworkers are like a family to me… I can’t wait to see them when I get home!"
"Sometimes I think that my coworkers are just secretly plotting against me. I like to call it 'office conspiracy.'"
"You know you’re doing a good job when you’re the only one in the office who is not stressed out."
"Meetings: where minutes are kept and hours are lost."
"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
"I have a lot of friends in the office… mostly on Instagram."
"If I had a dollar for every time I was late, I would be late to work."
"You can always count on your coworkers… to annoy you."
"Some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue."
"The best part about being a coworker? All the free coffee— and all the angst of espresso!"
"A company is the sum of its employees. My coworkers make me feel like a million bucks!"
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food at the break room and I eat it."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about—especially during lunch."
"Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? He took a day off!"
"Every time I try to have a meeting, my coworkers treat it like a magic show. They disappear!"
"I love working with you all. I just wish you’d all stay quiet sometimes!"
"I get along great with my coworkers… from a distance."
"To err is human; to really screw things up requires a computer—and a coworker."
"I can’t believe I get paid to talk to myself in this office every day."
"To those of you with coworkers you dislike, remember: it’s all just workplace karma!"
"If you can’t laugh at your coworkers, then you need to find a better set of coworkers!"
"I work with people who are smarter than myself. At least, I hope they are."
"Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"My boss is like a software update. Whenever I see him, I think, 'Not now.'"
"The office is a place where you can lose the battle but still win the war—just with more coffee."
"I told my coworker 10 jokes to get her to laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did."
"If you think your boss is bad, remember: they have a boss too."
"Age is not important unless you’re a cheese."
"I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work."
"There's no I in team, but there's a me if you look hard enough."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"Just because you’re allowed to do something, doesn't mean you should."
"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up."
"I love my job; it's the government that I can't stand."
"I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"My coworkers are like a family I didn't choose and wish I could escape."
"I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!"
"Meeting: A place where everyone agrees to keep the business coming in by inviting each other to unnecessary discussions."
"Behind every successful team are a lot of unsuccessful meetings."
"I finally made it to the office! Now, can I sleep for the next eight hours?"
"You can’t make everyone happy; you’re not a taco."
"If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?"
"I have a job that I love, but my boss is a total knucklehead."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work; the alphabet has 25 more letters!"
"The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary."
"I always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday."
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