119 result(s) for Funny Old English Quotes.
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
"A committee is the only place where people can speak without the value of their contribution being known."
"All that glitters is not gold; often have you heard that told."
"A penny for your thoughts is a penny earned."
"To err is human; to forgive, divine."
"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."
"You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."
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"There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in."
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
"There's nothing funnier than someone who takes themselves too seriously."
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."
"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship."
"If I was a girl, I'd be my best friend."
"Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans."
"I have nothing to declare except my genius."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
"I told you I was ill."
"The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made."
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."
"Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue."
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"I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed."
"A fool may give a wise man counsel."
"The more I see of men, the more I like dogs."
"He who laughs last, laughs best."
"When in doubt, tell the truth."
"It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
"I am not young enough to know everything."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"A gaffer's job is to keep the players' spirits up on the way to the gig. To that end, he must be funny. Do not underestimate the power of humor."
"To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer."
"I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat."
"I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
"I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters."
"It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am."
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"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"A man in love is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."
"I don’t need you to tell me how good I am."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"Show me a man with a big ego, and I’ll show you a man with a small one."
"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."
"I shall call it a 'hobby' instead of a 'waste of time'!"
"A man may learn wisdom even from a foe."
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
"The pen is mightier than the sword, but not nearly as funny."
"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."
"You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, but who wants to clean up that mess?"
"I can resist anything but temptation."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
"If I had a dollar for every time I had a dollar, I’d be rich."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"He who laughs last didn't get the joke."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"I finally know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a kid again."
"Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a beautiful day."
"If you're going to be late, you might as well make a grand entrance!"
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can put off today."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
"I can’t give you anything but love, baby. That’s the only thing I’ve plenty of."
"To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles."
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
"For if there be no enemy, the battle is a matter of mere sport."
"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
"Penny wise, pound foolish."
"I may be a madman, but I’m not a fool!"
"A man of wit can often be mistaken for a fool; thus, he avoids the risk."
"The best way to predict your future is to create it."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
"The greatest tragedy in life is not death, but a life without a purpose."
"A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life."
"I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth; forgone all custom of exercises; and indeed, it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory."
"He that will not reflect is a ruined man."
"A rich man's joke is always funny."
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
"Many will be put to the test, but only the valiant will be rewarded."
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
"There's nothing funny about a dislocated shoulder."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"Common sense is not so common."
"I'm on the patch of the moment, not the plan."
"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
"It is a wise father that knows his own child."
"The better part of Valour, is Discretion."
"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings."
"Do not go gentle into that good night, old age should burn and rave at close of day."
"If you cannot understand my argument, and declare 'It's Greek to me', you are not alone."
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
"The time is out of joint; O cursed spite, that ever I was born to set it right!"
"What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."
"Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more."
"Brevity is the soul of wit."
"Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once."
"I am not what I am."
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."
"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em."
"Parting is such sweet sorrow."
"All that glitters is not gold."
"The rules of fair play do not apply in a courtroom."
"A penny saved is a penny earned."
"Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young."
"Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd rather have been talking."
"You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter."
"As you age, you might find it harder to remember things, especially names. Just remember that during that time, many are likely to forget your own name as well!"
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