129 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Cops.
"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"You can't just sit there and eat a sandwich. You have to call someone and tell them you're eating a sandwich."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will get that joke."
"I don’t need a barber because I’m a Buddhist."
"A police officer is a person who has to look for the bad in a person, and he promises to find it."
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"I'm not really a 'bad' guy; I just do what cops do in my mind."
"The police are like a camera: they can capture a moment, but they can also take you to a dark place."
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception."
"The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat."
"I had a friend who is a cop. He had a chip on his shoulder, and sometimes it fell off."
"Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law."
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"I didn’t know how to make a living as a comedian, so I became a cop instead."
"If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk."
"Just because you're not a cop, doesn't mean you can't stop and give them a laugh."
"A police officer is a person who is good at catching people, but sometimes they catch more than they bargained for."
"The only thing better than a police officer is one who has a sense of humor."
"Cops have a lot of fun, they just don't know it until after they retire."
"Being a cop is like being a parent; you want to discipline, but at the same time, you have to laugh."
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"I'm not saying that cops are the worst, but they definitely need a little more comedy in their lives."
"A policeman's office is a little like a pit stop; you want to make it quick, and sometimes you just want to have fun."
"If the police really wanted to catch criminals, they'd set up a comedy club."
"The only time I’m going to use the phrase ‘to serve and protect’ is at a food truck."
"I told my wife the truth. I said I was seeing a cop. I told her I was going to be late because I was getting locked up."
"I don't always agree with police powers, but I can appreciate the 'protection' they provide... especially when it comes to donuts."
"Why did the police officer go to the baseball game? He wanted to catch some fly balls!"
"Officer: I need you to tip me off who committed this crime. Witness: We'll find you a donut stand, no tips required."
"I spent a year in the police academy, got a degree in donutology."
"What do you call a cop that also plays guitar? A 'blues' officer!"
"Never mess with a police officer. They have the right to remain silent… and use you as a lie detector."
"The police aren't here to help you. They're here to give you a ticket."
"Why did the cop sit on the toilet? He was on duty!"
"The best way to stop a robbery is to be a cop who is not very fit."
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"What do you get when you cross a police officer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand!"
"The only thing more annoying than a speeding ticket is what the cop says while he’s writing it: 'Have a good day.' Yeah, right!"
"Cops and donuts: the only two things that go together like peanut butter and jelly."
"Why did the police detective bring a pencil to the bar? To draw a conclusion!"
"I see your point, officer, but I couldn’t hear the sirens over my podcast!"
"Being a police officer is like being a firefighter: you wait for something to happen, and you have to suit up."
"What does a police officer say when they go fishing? 'I’m just trying to catch a break!'"
"What do you get when you cross a police officer and a dog? A ticket for barking!"
"Why did the cop bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!"
"Cops are like mushrooms: they grow on you, but they can also ruin your day."
"What’s a police officer’s favorite exercise? The squad car!"
"Don't worry about the police. They won't pull you over if you're going too fast to be seen!"
"Be a hero, be a cop! Just remember: if you need a donut, we’re calling you!"
"When I was a kid, I wanted to be a police officer. I was convinced it was all about donuts and chasing bad guys."
"The best part about being a cop? You get to wear that cool belt and not worry about the weight!"
"Behind every good cop is a donut that's getting cold."
"I don't need a therapist; I have a police scanner."
"The police are the public and the public are the police."
"I always felt that my greatest asset was not my intelligence but my ability to make friends."
"To protect and serve is more than a motto; it’s a state of mind."
"Police work is only good if it’s mixed with a little humor."
"Why did the police officer go to the baseball game? He heard someone was going to steal second base!"
"I asked a cop if I could take a picture of him, and he replied, 'I’ll have to arrest you for that - taking nature's beauty without a permit!'"
"The only crimes I’ll commit are against fashion."
"Be nice to the cops; they're the ones who come to rescue you when you ask for backup in Monopoly."
"Cops are like kids: they both can really think outside the box!"
"You know you're a real cop when you talk to your car and it talks back!"
"I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug!"
"Why do policemen always travel in pairs? Because they have to offset the lack of brains!"
"What do you call a police officer in bed? A sleeping cop!"
"You can't get arrested for something you never meant to do — unless you're a cop!"
"A cop is someone who can make bad jokes do time in jail."
"I thought about going into law enforcement but decided to stick to making people laugh."
"If you think cops can’t be funny, you've never seen me at a comedy club."
"I always wanted to be a police officer, but I realized I’d rather be the one getting pulled over."
"Why did the comedian get arrested? For cracking too many jokes!"
"A policeman’s best friend? A donut with extra icing!"
"What do cops do on a day off? They unwind, of course!"
"Why don’t police tell secrets on the farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!"
"The only thing better than a donut is a donut that comes with a cop!"
"To err is human, but to really mess things up you need a cop!"
"Police officers: the only people who can argue with themselves and still enforce the law!"
"I have a friend who's a cop. I once asked him if he ever gets scared. He said only when he has to ask a man if he's been drinking. You never know what the answer will be!"
"A police officer pulled me over and said, 'Papers!' I said, 'Scissors, I win!' He said, 'Drive on.'"
"I told my friends I was going to be a police officer. They said I'd never get a job! I proved them wrong and got fired."
"Why did the cop sit on the dog? Because he wanted to get a barking ticket!"
"My neighbor is a cop. The other day he asked me to sweep the sidewalk. I said, 'Only if I can do it in uniform!'"
"If police officers are so smart, why do they always push the handicap button in the car to get out?"
"Cops are like donuts: they go around in circles and have holes in them."
"What's the difference between a cop and a bad taxi driver? A bad taxi driver has a meter!"
"A police officer asked me why I was sitting on the sidewalk, and I said, 'I'm just taking a break from reality!'"
"Why don't cops play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they're looking for you!"
"Behind every great officer there's a great donut!"
"Why did the cop get locked out of his house? He forgot his handcuffs!"
"I asked a cop for a job in law enforcement. He said, 'Do you have any experience?' I said, 'I’ve always wanted to be a criminal!' "
"You know you're a cop when you hold the offender's license while he holds a donut!"
"The only time a cop runs is when his partner drops a donut!"
"Why did the cop bring a ladder to work? He wanted to reach new heights in policing!"
"Being a cop is like being a superhero, but without the cool gadgets and with more donuts."
"Every time a cop gets a donut, another donut shop is born!"
"Why did the cop take a nap? He wanted to improve his arrest rate!"
"A police officer said he was tired after chasing so many criminals. I told him, 'You should probably run home for a snack!'"
"Why do cops always carry a pencil? In case they need to draw their weapons!"
"What did the cop say to the criminal? 'I think you're under perception!'"
"The best thing about police officers is that they never get lost; they just get creatively detoured!"
"If you think being a cop is easy, just try explaining a 'code three' to your parents!"
"Why don’t cops tell secrets on the job? Because they can’t keep their mouths shut!"
"Cops make good comedians; their sense of humor always arrests you!"
"I love the police. I love it when they call me 'Sir.' It's like they're giving me a little bit of power, and I like that."
"I don’t always get into trouble with the police, but when I do, it’s with a hint of sarcasm."
"To be a cop is to be a bit of an outsider. You see the world differently than the average person."
"If you can't laugh at yourself, you might be missing the point of being a police officer."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that I was seeing a cop."
"The police are not here to create disorder. They’re here to preserve disorder."
"Police officers are like the rest of us, only they’re armed and authorized to take care of the more serious annoyances of life."
"When I’m out on patrol, I like to think I’m fighting crime. In reality, I’m just a guy with a cool hat."
"A police officer doesn’t get paid to enforce the law; it’s their hobby."
"If you get pulled over, just remember: the police are just as confused about your driving as you are."
"They say the police know everything. That’s true because they also know not to let you know they know enough."
"My peace officer friend always says the hardest part of his job is keeping a straight face while writing a parking ticket."
"I finally figured out how to get my policeman to talk to me. I started to play 'crazy' every time I saw them."
"Police officers—keeping their cool while the rest of us are freaking out since forever."
"I asked a police officer for directions. He said 'Where do you want to go?' and I said, 'To the point!' No one laughed."
"Why don't the police play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they’ve got your name already."
"The cops in my town are like superheroes, except they don’t have capes, just handcuffs."
"Dealing with police is a lot like trying to ask a squirrel for directions. A lot of confusion."
"Why do you have to be a police officer? Because someone has to uphold the law while we all enjoy a good laugh."
"The worst part about being a police officer is that some days you work to serve the public and some days you just serve them tickets."
"What do you call a police officer with a badge? Just kidding. I’m not getting arrested."
"Being a cop is easy; it’s finding something to laugh about that’s tricky."
"Why did the cop sit on the light bulb? Because he wanted to be a little bright."
"Remember, if you get a flat tire, don’t call the police; they can’t change it! Just kidding, but they might chase you for the speed limit!"
"If you find a cop laughing at something you did, that’s probably a good sign. Or a bad one. Either way, it’s a story."
"Life as a police officer would be easier if criminals would just add comedy to their acts."
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