127 result(s) for Funny Church Quotes.
"If you think that the Christian life is boring, it's because you're not doing it right."
"The best way to keep children quiet in church is to give them a piece of paper and some crayons and tell them to draw a picture of what they think God looks like."
"God is like the ocean; he's huge, but I still dip my toe in every now and then."
"I thought I was to be the bride of Christ, but now I feel more like the bridesmaid."
"Many people want to serve God, but only as advisers."
"I don’t know if God is a game show host, but I’m sure he’s tuning in to watch us all play."
"Church attendance is as vital to a disciple as a transfusion of rich, healthy blood to a sick man."
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"My church is like a big family... one that I sometimes wish I could unfriend."
"Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?"
"The more I read the Bible, the more I think it should come with a laugh track."
"We all have a purpose; even if it's to serve as a bad example."
"Why is it that when we talk to God, we’re praying, but when God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic?"
"A church where everybody is serious isn't going to get very far."
"Sometimes I wonder if the 'pro' in procrastination is related to 'professional Christian' career choices."
"Shouting 'Hallelujah' in church is almost like being a cheerleader for God."
"We have enough youth; how about a fountain of smart?"
"If the church is a ship, I'm probably in the engine room trying to keep the boiler from blowing up."
"They say money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy pizza, and that’s kind of the same thing!"
"Sometimes I think the church is less of a sanctuary and more of a waiting room."
"I finally learned how to make a perfect cup of coffee; now I’m just waiting for God to call me to ministry!"
"Praying for you isn't just a decision, it's also a commitment to make sure I don't forget you."
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"Let’s not forget that children are a gift from the Lord... especially during the sermon!"
"When you pray, you are speaking to God. When you read the Bible, God is speaking to you. When you do both, you should be prepared for a conversation full of laughter."
"Whatever you do, don’t take yourself too seriously; God doesn’t!"
"You know you’re in the right church when ‘Amen’ and ‘Hallelujah’ are paired with laughter."
"I had to be a minister to have that kind of sense of humor."
"Church is the only place where you can sit in a pew and not be criticized for thinking about other things."
"I wonder why people take their clothes off for a specific answer, but in church we just raise our hands."
"The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints."
"God loves to see you laugh. You were made in His image, and He has a great sense of humor."
"Seven days without prayer makes one weak."
"The only church that truly matters is the one that is naked."
"You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage them."
"If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm."
"Laughing at yourself is all the rage; it means you’ve got a sense of humor about who you are."
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"A church is not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners."
"May your troubles be less, and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door."
"I know my redeemer lives; and I can’t wait to meet Him because He has one heck of a sense of humor."
"Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day."
"Church isn't a place; it's an adventure in a box of crayons."
"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day; don’t forget that the clock also has style."
"If the devil can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy."
"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
"He who laughs last didn’t get the joke."
"Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case."
"Some days you’re the pigeon; some days you’re the statue."
"I put the 'Pro' in procrastinate."
"The most wasted day is one without laughter."
"A little humor goes a long way in the church."
"I can't understand why people say 'the best is yet to come.' I prefer the good stuff like coffee now."
"The problem with church signs is that they don’t allow you to respond."
"I told the my Sunday school teacher I was going to pray for him. He said, 'I’ll pray for you first!'"
"At our church, we’re happy to have you 'come as you are'… as long as 'you' is wearing something nice!"
"If you think church is boring, you’re not doing it right!"
"I finally found my calling: I’m going to be a church crasher."
"The best part of going to church is that it’s a great place to scope out a wife (or husband)."
"I would go to church more often, but my sofa is so comfortable."
"The only reason I get up early on Sundays is to wake up for coffee… and church."
"If you think you're too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
"Why can’t we put all the quarreling church members in one room and let them resolve their differences over a box of donuts?"
"A church is a place where people gather for a better purpose, and sometimes the purpose is free coffee!"
"A Sunday well spent brings a week of content, unless you have to sit next to a talkative churchgoer."
"You should see the faces of our choir when I hit a high note...it's all about the insurance claims."
"Some people want to change the world; others want five minutes to change their minds about going to church."
"I love to go to church with my family, it’s like a family reunion without the awkward questions!"
"A perfect Sunday is a cup of coffee in one hand and peace in the other, and maybe a donut or two."
"The church is like a submarine. It’s a great place to get some togetherness, but watch out for the leaks!"
"Sure, I go to church, but only because it's the best opportunity to see my friends!"
"The larger the church, the longer the names of its committees become."
"Why do they call it the 'House of God' when I can’t ever find a parking spot?"
"In the church, we have one rule: if it’s funny, we laugh; if it’s serious, we laugh harder!"
"I saw a sign in a church that said, 'Come in and find peace.' I thought, 'Great! I’ll take some to go.'"
"Jesus turned water into wine. I think our Pastor can turn coffee into excitement!"
"Going to church is the only place where you can sit quietly while hearing stories of great adventure!"
"I pray for my church family... to remember it’s just coffee, not a sacrament!"
"The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course."
"God loves you and there’s nothing you can do about it."
"The church is a place where you can get a good seat, and you still can’t see the preacher."
"I don’t like going to church. I’d rather be on a golf course."
"A church is a place where people who think they are better than everyone else go to feel even better about themselves."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"If the church is not doing what the church is supposed to be doing, should we call it a church?"
"Jesus is coming; look busy!"
"The church is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"Your church is too small if it doesn’t have a place for the sinner."
"If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
"God doesn’t have a backup plan; he has a backup plan for the backup plan."
"I can’t even think outside the box. I’m stuck in the box."
"If you ever want to see a miracle, just stay awake during the pastor's sermon."
"Our church is like the Weather Channel: most of the time, it’s just a forecast."
"The church is the only army that shoots its wounded."
"Never underestimate the power of a small group of committed people to change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
"The pastor says the real reason we have congregation meetings is because we can’t afford to have a choir."
"Out of the mountain of despair, a stone of hope."
"I don't need a parachute to skydive. I just need a parachute to skydive twice."
"You can’t be afraid of what people are going to say, because you’re never going to make everyone happy."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
"There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't."
"Some days, I wish I could be a dog. My life would be so much simpler."
"A church sign once read, 'Honesty is the best policy but insanity is a better defense.'"
"If you’re going to be a sinner, you might as well have a good time."
"The best way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it."
"I told the Lord I would hold a long meeting if He would just let me have a Sunday off once in a while."
"Church: the only place where you can go and still be in debt."
"If you're going to be a Christian, just remember this: God loves you as you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way."
"You know you’re a pastor when you feel like a cow in a pasture with no fence – you’ve got to get out of here!"
"A church is a place where you get to see people you don’t want to meet in heaven."
"Most church dinners are just a rehash of the last dinner feature on everyone’s favorite casserole."
"My church is so small, we have to take attendance to see who all showed up."
"The church is not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners."
"I wasn’t going to church because I wanted to; I was going because my parents made me. But at least I got breakfast every Sunday: sausage biscuits and gravy from the church kitchen."
"If our church has potlucks, why don't we call it a 'potluck 'n' pray'?"
"Being a pastor is like being a cat herder sometimes."
"I like to think of my church as a place where love reigns and judgment is kept at bay – unless it’s about dessert choices."
"When I was young, I wanted to be a priest; then I realized no one would let me play with the wine."
"Jesus loves you, but I’m His favorite!"
"If you can't laugh in church, where can you?"
"A well-dressed pastor is a sign of a church in full bloom, or a wardrobe malfunction."
"The original church-growth model: people sitting in the pews, praying for a miracle - preferably involving lunch."
"You know you're at a bad church service when the pastor starts off with, 'Well, folks, we might be here a while.'"
"In a church, just like in a family reunion, there may be more drama than there is joy!"
"God must be a comedian, because the world is a stage!"
"The ten best things about church? They serve coffee and donuts, and you can sit anywhere!"
"A sermon on tolerance: 'And when someone tells you to love your neighbor, that doesn’t mean you have to share your dessert.'"
"Why do they call it a ‘church potluck’? Because it’s certain that someone’s going to bring a dish no one will want to try!"
"The Lord loves a cheerful giver and also a well-timed punchline!"
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