120 result(s) for Funny Vampire Quotes.
"I always say, the louder you scream, the better you taste."
"I'm on a no-blood diet. I'm just drinking tomato juice now."
"I don't think of myself as a vampire. I'm more of a 'life enthusiast' after dark."
"When you’re a vampire, every night is a good night out."
"Bite me!"
"I would tell you a vampire joke, but it’s a little bit of a pain in the neck!"
"You can’t be a vampire without a cape. It’s like a superhero without a cape, and they’re often misunderstood."
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"The only reason we exercise is to scare the living daylight out of our friends!"
"I was a vegetarian until I started liking blood."
"What do you call a vampire who is really bad at math? A count-ine!"
"Vampires hate the sun because it makes them look like something not appetizing. Ever seen a sunburnt vampire?"
"Always carry a quirk with you; you never know when a vampire might show up!"
"I’m working on my vampire impressions. They really suck!"
"Being a vampire means you have to be good at digging your own graves—their hobbies can get quite grave!"
"Why did the vampire jump into the pool? Because he wanted to reinvent his ‘blood’-bath!"
"I don’t do garlic; I do glamour."
"Vampires are just like us, but with a little more bite!"
"I tried to quit drinking blood, but I just can't seem to get to the 'vein' of the problem."
"When you're as immortal as I am, every joke is a classic!"
"I wanted to be a vampire, but I realized I’m too much of a morning person!"
"Why did the vampire buy a car? He wanted to drive a stake through the heart of traffic!"
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"What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite!"
"I’m not a vampire; I just love long walks in the dark and the occasional neck massage."
"I used to be a vampire, but then I found a little glitter."
"I didn't bite my tongue, I just couldn't find it in the dark."
"Vampires are not the only bloodsuckers. Don’t forget about those in politics."
"I always carry a spare set of garlic just in case someone mistakes me for a salad."
"I'm on a new vampire diet. I just suck the life out of my food."
"Being a vampire is great—you get to live forever, but you also have to deal with being called a 'night owl.'"
"I used to be a vampire, but then I found out that I couldn't tan. Now I'm just pale and moody."
"You can stop the monsters under your bed, but you can’t stop the ones in your heart."
"I've got a vampire's sense of style, but my wardrobe is still in the Dark Ages."
"I'm so vampire, I can't even sleep in a regular bed anymore."
"Why do vampires always look so good? Because they never age—just their excuses!"
"I don't always drink blood, but when I do, I prefer it to be from the finest neck."
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"You know you're a vampire when you need a nightlight just to walk to the fridge."
"I used to be a vegetarian but then I found out being a vampire comes with its own benefits."
"If you think I'm scary in the light, you should see me at midnight with a full moon."
"Why don’t vampires have friends? Because they’re a little too bite-y to handle."
"Being a vampire is like being a dog—a real commitment to howling at the moon."
"Why are vampires so bad at fighting? Because they can’t get past the garlic first!"
"Once you go bat, you never go back!"
"I don’t sleep—I'm just recharging my 'glamour'!"
"Vampires: the only creatures that make skin a great accessory!"
"Would you care for a lovely neck massage? No? How about a bite?"
"They say laughter is the best medicine—unless you're a vampire, then it's probably a good meal."
"I don’t do eyeshadow; I do blood-shadow."
"Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She was too clingy!"
"I prefer my coffee like my vampires—dark and slightly sweet."
"I’m in a committed relationship with my coffin. It’s our happy place."
"I used to be a vampire, but I couldn't get my day job to work out."
"I’m not saying I’m a vampire, but I did recently start avoiding garlic."
"Vampires are just like us; they have awkward blood type conversations, too."
"Bite me! Just not in public. I have an image to uphold."
"I stay away from garlic because I'm on a low-carb diet!"
"Why don’t vampires have friends? Because they’re a pain in the neck!"
"The only time I try to be serious is when I’m drinking someone’s blood."
"You can tell a lot about a vampire by the way they suck"
"I thought I saw a vampire and then I realized it was just my reflection."
"Being a vampire is a lot of work. Who knew getting blood could be so complicated?"
"If Dracula could see me now, he’d probably ask for an autograph."
"What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A necktarine!"
"I can't help but feel that vampires just really need a nap."
"Do I have to be invited in? Because I'm really bad at directions."
"Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? He thought it was a buffet!"
"Vampires prefer their stakes medium-rare!"
"I’m on a vampire diet: I only drink blood on the weekends."
"How do vampires stay in shape? They do bat-ercises!"
"Every time I hear 'vampire', I think of a fancy wine bar."
"Why did the vampire buy a house? Because he couldn’t live in a blood bank!"
"What’s a vampire’s favorite evening activity? Playing batminton!"
"If I see one more garlic bread, I swear it’s going to be a stake-off."
"Being a vampire means never getting a period. Of the month, or the day!"
"I don’t celebrate Halloween; I’m out every night!"
"You know you’re in trouble when your coffin starts smelling like garlic."
"What do you call a vampire in space? A bat-anaut!"
"I can't tell you how much I appreciate you letting me drink your blood. I mean, it's a real life-saver!"
"Being a vampire is easy... but the diet is killer!"
"I hunted for a vampire salad once… but all I found were spirits!"
"I’m a vampire, I’m a night owl, and I’m a super early riser. It’s tough to be me!"
"To be a successful vampire, you need to have a bite-sized personality!"
"What do you call a vampire who is also a butcher? A meat-sucker!"
"I wanted to become a vampire, but then I realized I’d be bad at eating out!"
"How does a vampire start a conversation? 'Hey, I’ve got a little fang-tastic idea!'"
"What did the vampire get on his driver’s test? A blood-curdling failure!"
"Why do vampires always seem sick? Because they’re coffin!"
"What do vampires wear to the beach? Bat-tongs!"
"I told my friend I wanted to be an eternal vampire. He told me not to take it too literally!"
"Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wasn't his type - she was too garlicy!"
"Real vampires don’t sparkle, they just shine from within – preferably at night."
"Vampires are a lot like teenagers; they just don’t get enough sleep!"
"What do you call a vampire with a cold? A bit of a sneez-y!"
"Being a vampire is great until you spill your blood on a white shirt."
"I wanted to learn about vampires, but it was quite a draining experience!"
"Why don't vampires like being near the ocean? Too many tides!"
"How do vampires like their eggs? Sunny-side up, but preferably with a side of red!"
"What is a vampire’s favorite kind of music? Anything that is a bit bat-tastic!"
"Why did the vampire go to art school? Because he wanted to learn how to draw blood!"
"What's a vampire's favorite drink? Anything that has a little bit of bite!"
"Vampires don’t get hurt easily; they just let it roll off their fangs."
"Why don't vampires ever get lost? They always follow their fangs!"
"What did the vampire say before starting a meal? 'I’m just dying to eat!'"
"I asked my vampire friend how he keeps his skin so smooth. He said it was all in the neck!"
"I used to be more of a night owl, but now I'm just a bat."
"I don’t do garlic. I do good!"
"If you've got to bite, don’t do it in public!"
"What kind of music do vampires hate? Heavy metal!"
"Always be yourself, unless you can be a vampire. Then always be a vampire."
"I don't drink wine; I drink blood!"
"Being a vampire means never having to say you’re sorry for being late—because you’re always fashionably late!"
"I used to be a hopeless romantic, but now I’m just a hopeless vamp!"
"Toothless vampires? Now that's a scary thought!"
"Life’s too short to waste on humans—go for the neck!"
"Just because I bite doesn’t mean I won’t cuddle!"
"Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wasn't his type!"
"Vampires: putting the fun back in funeral since before time."
"Why don’t vampires ever get lost? Because they always take a bite out of the map!"
"I prefer my vampires a little cheeky and a lot funny!"
"When it comes to morning routines, I’m really just a night-time bloodsucker."
"Why do vampires hate winter? Because they can’t stand the cold shoulder!"
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