129 result(s) for Funny Home Quotes.
"Home is where the heart is, but my home is also where the Wi-Fi connects automatically."
"The secret to a happy home is to have a great sense of humor and a little extra coffee."
"Home is not a place, it's a feeling... and currently, that feeling is 'where is my remote?'"
"My home is my castle, but I'm pretty sure it's also a disaster zone."
"Behind every great home, there's a great mom who said 'please clean your room'."
"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck to buy stuff for my home."
"Nothing says 'home sweet home' like the stench of a gym bag and the sound of a toddler tantrum."
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"I love my home, it’s cozy... but if I don’t leave soon, I might become part of the furniture."
"The only thing better than being home is getting away from it for a few hours."
"Home is where you can be yourself, unless you're having a Zoom call."
"You know you're getting old when you find yourself enjoying your home improvement shows."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch at home."
"To me, the outdoors is where the Wi-Fi is weak."
"Home is where you can phone it in without judgment."
"If you think housework is a never-ending chore, just remember: the laundry won't do itself."
"In this house, we do drama... and by drama, I mean arguing over who gets to pick the next Netflix show."
"Some days I amaze myself. Other days, I look for my phone while holding it."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth... in your home."
"A family's love is like a cozy blanket, but sometimes it can feel more like a straightjacket."
"Home is where you can become a professional couch potato."
"There's no place like home... just as long as you have snacks available."
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"My house isn't messy; it's just creative chaos."
"They say home is where the heart is… which explains why mine is always in the kitchen."
"Housework: something you never want to put off until laundry day."
"This home runs on love, laughter, and an occasional glass of wine."
"If only my bank account could feel the same way about home upkeep as my heart does... a bit empty."
"Home is where the heart is, but my heart is at the bar."
"A man’s home is his castle, and that’s why I’m always in the drawbridge."
"It’s not that we spend five days looking forward to just two. It’s that most people don’t understand what we do on the other five."
"The secret of a happy home is that it is a place where you can love and laugh and be yourself."
"My house is the only place I can be alone while I am with everyone I love."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"Home is where you can say anything you want, because no one else is listening."
"I’m not a bad guy. I’m not a good guy. I’m just a guy, like you, trying to make it work at home."
"Home isn’t where you live, it’s where they understand you."
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"My house is a mess! It’s decorated in hapless chaos, with a splash of despair."
"Home is the starting place of love, hopes and dreams."
"If you want to see your face in the mirror, you better stay off the couch.,"
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"My family is like a software update. They always come at the worst time."
"Home is the place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to."
"There’s no place like home. That’s why I always leave mine."
"If you think my house is clean, you should see my car."
"The grass is always greener in someone else's house."
"In my house, I’m the one who has to answer the doorbell, and I’m the one who rushes to get there. And also pulls the door open."
"Home is where you hang your hat - and right now my hat is in the laundry."
"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother… Then leave the rest to their mother."
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
"My house is full of life, laughter, and things that need to be dusted."
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. At home, it’s the first step on cleaning the house."
"Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically."
"My house isn’t messy; it’s just that I have too many living things."
"Home is where you can say anything you like because nobody listens to you anyway."
"I’m not a hoarder; I’m a collector of everything that’s important to me, which is everything."
"The first rule of my home is: what happens in my home stays in my home, unless it’s too funny not to share."
"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
"I love my home as much as I love my coffee, and that’s saying a lot because I’m home and coffee a lot."
"A clean home is a sign of a broken computer."
"I can’t decide whether to use the kitchen or the living room as my office. They both have snacks."
"Housework can't kill you, but why take the chance?"
"In my house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics. We don’t have a vacuum. We have a secondary location for dust."
"My house is full of stories just like my bookshelf. Except, mine come from the fridge."
"I told my wife that I wanted to die in her arms. She said, 'You’ll die in your car if you don’t stop bringing home so much junk!'"
"The secret to a happy home is laughter... and takeout menus."
"If you think that you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
"The greatest thing about home is that everyone is invited to be themselves, even if it’s by wearing pajamas till noon."
"Home is where you can be the loudest without the fear of getting a noise complaint, except from your neighbors."
"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. Just not in our home when it’s time to clean up!"
"I’ve decided that cleaning my house while kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing."
"In this house, we don't have problems, we have opportunities for laughter."
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
"Home is where the heart is... and hopefully a comfortable couch for napping!"
"There are no perfect parents; there are no perfect children. But there are perfect moments in our chaotic home."
"Sometimes the best part of my day is when I get to go home and do nothing."
"I thought about becoming a chef. But my only expertise in the kitchen is calling for takeout."
"The best thing about a home is that you can be yourself there."
"Home is where you can say anything you want, 'cause nobody listens anyway."
"Home is not a place, it’s a feeling… a feeling that you can laugh your heart out!"
"Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it."
"The secret to a well-maintained home is that at least one person in the house has to be a major procrastinator."
"A house is made of walls and beams. A home is built with love and dreams (and some serious cleaning supplies)."
"How do you get a home loan? You just stand in the street looking sad and say, 'I need a home,' until a bank shows up to help you."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth. She said she was seeing a psychiatrist, too. We are both seeing the same psychiatrist—now that’s what I call home!"
"Home is where you can rest and recharge, especially if you’re trying to avoid the laundry."
"There's no place like home, except the couch."
"My house was clean last week. Sorry you missed it."
"The cleaning lady is coming today, so I guess I’ll just have to make a mess before she gets here."
"Every time I leave home, I think I should take some cheese. Because you never know when a cheese crisis is going to strike."
"I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?"
"Home is where you feel comfortable enough to not know where the vacuum is."
"It’s fun to do the impossible, especially when it involves home repairs."
"My house is not messy; it’s just that I have a lot of creative projects on hold."
"My favorite part about home is the not-so-clean-life balance."
"If you need me, I’ll be home. Not doing anything important but watching reruns."
"Life happens at home, which may explain why it’s also where most of my snack stash is located."
"Home is the place where you can have breakfast at any hour."
"The only thing better than a great home-cooked meal is a great take-out meal enjoyed at home."
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think it’s actually coffee—and a good joke at home."
"I love coming home to a cozy house. Too bad it’s often a tornado of toys and dust bunnies!"
"Home is where you can be crazy and they have to accept it—at least until they threaten to kick you out!"
"Home is where happiness is homemade... and sometimes slightly store-bought."
"Home is where you can be yourself, unless you live with your parents."
"My house isn't messy; it's custom organized chaos."
"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."
"I don't need a therapist. I have my home filled with pets."
"A clean house is a sign of a broken computer."
"Home is where the wifi connects automatically."
"There's no place like home... unless it's messy. Then, there's just no place."
"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
"I told my house to be more organized; it responds only in chaos."
"If your home is anything like mine, it’s a constant battle between all the rooms to see which one can be the most messy."
"I love my home, but I would love it more if it cleaned itself."
"The only thing I throw out of my house is the trash... and sometimes the kids."
"A house is made of bricks and beams. A home is made of hopes and dreams... and a little bit of laundry."
"Home is where you hang your hat, but it's also where you forget where you put it."
"My home is my sanctuary... until I step on Legos."
"Home cooking is where you eat the same meal for days just to avoid doing the dishes."
"They say a man’s home is his castle, but sometimes it's just a really messy fortress."
"Whoever said that home is where the heart is... clearly never had a messy house."
"Home is the only place where coffee comes before the work."
"You can take the girl out of the clutter, but you can’t take the clutter out of the girl."
"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance."
"In my house, we don’t have a 'no shoes' rule. We have a 'no one cares' rule."
"Home is where you can find your remote... eventually."
"Home is where you can relax and let the chaos run wild."
"Caffeine and chaos: That’s how I run my home."
"I finally cleaned my home; now I can find my sense of humor, or maybe it's under that pile of laundry."
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