120 result(s) for Funny Rude Quotes.
"I don't have a bad attitude. I just have a low tolerance for stupidity."
"I'm not insulting you; I'm describing you."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"My computer screen is brighter than my future."
"If you're going to be rude, at least make it funny."
"I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode."
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"If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ."
"You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine."
"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
"I'm not a complete idiot—some parts are missing."
"I don't need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"The only time I set the bar low is for limbo."
"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"I am on the patch right now. It’s a nicotine patch but it seems to be doing the trick."
"I'd explain it to you but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home."
"I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room."
"I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today."
"I’m not really sure how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal."
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"I would explain it to you, but I’d have to charge you."
"You're proof that even evolution makes mistakes."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work; the alphabet has 25 more letters."
"I'd call you a tool, but that implies you're actually useful."
"I don't have a bad attitude, I just have a low tolerance for bullshit."
"I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day."
"If you think I'm crazy, you should meet my friends."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"You're never too old to be told to grow up."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"My brain has too many tabs open."
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"I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"The only thing I have in common with my cat is that I love to take naps."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just passionate!"
"Pretending to be nice to people I don't like is exhausting."
"Don’t worry if plan A doesn’t work; the alphabet has 25 more letters!"
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze."
"I’m in shape. Round is a shape."
"Don't worry; the world is full of crazy people like me, too."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."
"I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I may be a bad influence, but damn, I’m fun."
"If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"You're never too old to take a nap."
"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."
"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit."
"I have a furniture problem. I just don’t know if I should call a carpenter or a therapist."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"If you think I'm a bitch, wait until you meet my mother."
"A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory."
"It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer."
"I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"Not my circus, not my monkeys."
"I don't get drunk, I get awesome."
"People are in love with their own voices, it’s ridiculous!"
"We are all here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different."
"If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re doing it wrong."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I can make it longer if you want, but that’s what she said."
"Some people bring happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
"If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart."
"I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"I told my therapist about you."
"I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"You're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, 'Not now.'"
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook."
"I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"Keep rolling your eyes; maybe you’ll find a brain back there."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode."
"I don’t need you to be perfect; I just need you to be less annoying."
"You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room."
"I used to care, but now I take a pill for that."
"Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma."
"I’m not always sarcastic; sometimes I’m sleeping."
"You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes."
"I’m a ray of sunshine mixed with a hurricane."
"Remember, if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English."
"I don’t have time for your nonsense, I’m busy being awesome."
"If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty."
"I'm not always sarcastic, sometimes I'm asleep."
"I don't know how to act my age. I've never been this old before."
"My therapist said that time heals all wounds, so I jumped off my kitchen counter."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you."
"If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
"I’m not rude. I just wasn’t taught to hide my thoughts."
"Whatever you are, be a bad one."
"I'm not short, I'm just more down to earth than most people."
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
"I would like to be a queen in people's hearts but I would like to be a prophet."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"I told my therapist about my bad habits. Now she’s not speaking to me."
"Sure, I’ll help you out. The same way you came in."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
"I may be a bad person, but someone has to do it."
"I thought I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions."
"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?"
"Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"Sometimes I wish I could be a kid again. Not because I am being nostalgic, but because my parents had a lot of money back then."
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