116 result(s) for Funny Diet Quotes.
"I could give up chocolate, but I’d rather give up breathing."
"I'm not a glutton, I'm an explorer of food."
"I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge."
"I didn’t gain all this weight by accident. It was a job. And I worked hard at it!"
"There’s no ‘we’ in fries."
"Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, it has no flavor."
"If you want to lose weight, just stop eating food that isn’t good for you... that's it!"
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"I think I can, I think I can—oh wait, that’s just my stomach talking."
"A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands."
"I only go to the gym on two occasions: Day and night."
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but you can always hot fudge the feeling."
"You can’t be sad when you’re eating a cupcake."
"I tried to start a diet, but it didn’t work out. So I'm on a 'see food' plan."
"I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere."
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."
"I'm on a low-carb diet that allows me to eat all the carbs I want—all of them."
"Running late is my cardio."
"Why is it that every time I start a diet, I can't think of anything but food?"
"To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art."
"Age and glasses of wine should never be counted."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
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"Dieting is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit."
"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut."
"If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
"The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating."
"I’ve decided that being 50 is like being 12, but with a saving account."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I didn't choose the gluten-free life; the gluten-free life chose me."
"I'm on a no-carb diet. I only eat carbs at night."
"I’m in shape. Round is a shape."
"I can’t believe I’m finally going to delete all those food pictures from my phone. It’s time to move on and make new takes."
"To be on a diet is to sacrifice the delicious among the palatable."
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
"I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants."
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"I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks."
"I love to eat. I love food. I’m not ever going to be on a diet."
"Let’s face it; a diet is hard when the best meals come in a little box!"
"May the forks be with you."
"You're only human; you live once and life is wonderful, so eat the damn red velvet cupcake."
"Eat well, be well, and look as fabulous as you feel."
"I only eat food that I can pronounce."
"The only bad food is the food you hate."
"A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit."
"I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me."
"Eat cake. It's somebody's birthday somewhere."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"I did Pilates today. Well, more like ‘I fell in a hole and ate pizza’, but you know what I mean."
"I have a dream. I have a plan. I have donuts!"
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I’m on a new diet. I can’t eat anything that makes me fat - that means pizza, burgers, nachos, and everything else."
"The only thing I’m committed to is making a reservation."
"You can’t eat your cake and have it too—unless you don’t care about calories."
"I tried a new diet, but I kept cheating... and then I found out I was eating my diet!"
"My diet is like my bank account. I need to carry a little more balance."
"Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!"
"The only thing I love more than chocolate is more chocolate."
"I'm allergic to food. I break out in fat."
"Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is?"
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
"I’m on a food journey to make my stomach happy."
"Eating is a necessity, but cooking is an art."
"I'm on a strict diet. I only eat on days that end with 'y'."
"I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing."
"I'm only going to eat salad until I can fit into my jeans again. And then I'm going to have a giant pizza!"
"I have a weight problem. I can’t wait to eat."
"The only thing better than a good diet is a good diet plan that includes ample chocolate."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"If you’re going to eat chocolate, eat chocolate. Don’t eat a cookie that’s pretending to be chocolate."
"I can't eat dairy, so I just pour it on my cereal."
"I don’t count calories. I just count on how great I look in my new swimsuit."
"I follow a strict diet plan: it’s called 'never skip dessert.'"
"I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"I'm on a low-carb diet, but every time someone mentions bread, my willpower rises and falls just like a soufflé."
"A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand."
"I decided to take up jogging, but I couldn't find anywhere to jog to."
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."
"I've tried all kinds of diets. I don't need a diet. I need a coma."
"The only thing I like about a diet is that it gives me a reason to eat cake."
"Dieting is the only game where you win when you lose!"
"I’d give up chocolate, but I’m no quitter!"
"I'd like to be a cupcake in a world full of muffins."
"Eating pizza is like a therapy for the soul."
"Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race."
"Never eat less than four hours before you swim."
"You can't make everyone happy. You're not pizza."
"I’m on a new diet. I only eat food that starts with the letter ‘C’! Cake, cookies, chips – it’s going great!"
"You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream. And that’s kind of the same thing."
"If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito."
"Food is my best friend. It’s also my worst enemy."
"I don't eat junk food, I enjoy it."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"The only time to be positive you have a clear path is when you’re on the edge of a cliff."
"I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people."
"You know you’re on a diet when you’re not eating cake, but dreaming about it."
"I'm just going to be fat and happy."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"Dieting is the only game where you win when you lose."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I didn’t gain all this weight by accident!"
"Food is my best friend, but when I eat it, I end up not seeing it for a while."
"I don't mind going without food, but I can't stand going without dessert."
"I’d give up chocolate, but I’m no quitter."
"I’m on a strict diet; I eat everything that I want."
"A balanced diet is having a cupcake in each hand."
"If we're not meant to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I'm on a diet. I just quit drinking and eating."
"Count calories? I’d rather count on cake."
"I don't trust anyone who doesn't like chocolate."
"My goal is to lose weight by eating whatever I want."
"People say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye’ when I go grocery shopping."
"The only reason I’m running is to catch up with the ice cream truck."
"I can't be helped by a diet if it doesn't come with fries."
"Why should I diet? I’ve been on one since I was born. I only got off it when I started eating."
"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!"
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but I’m not willing to find out."
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