108 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Money.
"I’m not really sure why I’m here. I just got a call from a number I didn’t recognize and they told me it was to talk about money."
"The best things in life are free. The second best are very, very expensive."
"Money will not make you happy, but everyone wants to find out for themselves."
"I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago. I shot my broker."
"I don’t have a bank account because I don’t put money in a bank. I’m not a fan of banks. They make money off of money."
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
"Money speaks, but it speaks with a shrill tone of desperation."
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"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"The only time to be positive you won’t come back is when you’re on a money-saving trip."
"Cash flow is like blood flow: if it stops, you die."
"There's no money in poetry, but then there's no poetry in money, either."
"If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"There's a fine line between a long vacation and a long jail sentence."
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"Money is good because it means freedom. But if you rely on it for your happiness, what happens when you’ve got nothing?"
"Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position."
"The only thing I like more than talking about money is talking about not having any."
"You can’t get rich in America unless you have a ton of cash and a lot of self-discipline."
"I don’t have a bank account because I don’t have any money to put in it."
"Money can’t buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you’re being miserable."
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"I spent all my money on a Lambo. Then I realized, I can’t drive it to the bank."
"Money is like manure. It’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around encouraging young things to grow."
"If you think money can’t buy happiness, you don’t know where to shop."
"I want to be rich so I can afford to visit my own house."
"A penny saved is a penny earned, but a penny spent is a penny funnier."
"I finally know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be rich."
"I would like to be rich enough so that I could quit my job, but not so rich that I forget how to be poor."
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back."
"I made a lot of money in my life, but I never made money my goal."
"Money may not buy happiness, but it can make you miserable in comfort."
"I put all my money in the bank, but somehow they keep trying to take my pennies."
"The rich buy assets. The poor only have expenses. The middle class buys liabilities they think are assets."
"Money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye’!"
"There are two ways to get rich. One is to make more money. The other is to owe less money."
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"I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I spent that night."
"There’s no money in poetry, but then there’s no poetry in money, either."
"I don’t really care about money. I just want to be rich."
"I’m not rich. But I do have money; I just don’t have any left after I spend it all."
"I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I spent on beer. I’d be a millionaire."
"If all the money in the world were divided up equally among everyone, the same money would soon return to the original owners."
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it."
"I used to think money was a big deal. Then I realized the sleep I was losing wasn’t worth it."
"Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five."
"Money may not buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you’re being miserable."
"If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy."
"I’m in favor of cutting taxes under the right circumstances. This situation is not one of those circumstances."
"The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead."
"I can get you a job, but I can’t guarantee you can keep it if you spend your paycheck on lottery tickets."
"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer."
"Money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'"
"If money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it."
"I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention."
"Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around encouraging young things to grow."
"When I had money everyone called me brother."
"Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a boat big enough to sail right up to it."
"I spend my money on hobbies that I cannot afford."
"Money is good for bribing yourself through the weekends."
"I am not a businessman; I am a business, man!"
"Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable."
"The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money."
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something."
"Money won't make you happy... But everybody wants to find out for themselves."
"The man who does not have money is always indignant."
"I finally got it all together, but I forgot where I put it."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells."
"I don't have a bank account because I can't fill out the signature card."
"The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive."
"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock."
"If money talks, then my wallet can’t seem to get a word in edgewise."
"Money often costs too much."
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?"
"The rich are different: They have more money."
"I know money can't buy happiness, but I'd like to try it out for myself."
"Your money is not my money. Your money is my money."
"I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it."
"I'd like to be rich enough to be able to afford a little dignity."
"Money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’"
"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
"If you've got it, flaunt it. If you don't, steal it!"
"It's a shame that money can't buy love, but it can definitely buy friends."
"The lack of money is the root of all evil."
"Money won’t buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you’re being miserable."
"I finally learned how to say ‘no’ to my bank account."
"Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
"If you think money talks, just listen to its quiet."
"I spent all my money on a bout of spontaneous purchases. Now I'm buying things I can regret later."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"Why did the man put his money in the blender? Because he wanted to make some liquid assets!"
"I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name."
"Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant."
"A penny saved is a penny earned, but only if you don’t spend it when you find it."
"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half."
"If I had a dollar for every time I had a dollar, I’d be rich."
"I know money can't solve problems, but it can prevent a lot of problems from happening."
"Money can't buy love, but it can make you a very nice divorce."
"It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer, especially financial ones."
"I don’t need a reason to be broke; it just comes naturally."
"Money talks. But what it says is 'Goodbye.'"
"There are people so poor that the only thing they have is money."
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it."
"I got a lot of money. I’m just not as rich as I wish I was."
"Money may not buy happiness, but it helps you look for it in more places."
"I'd like to be a millionaire, but I don't want to work for it."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat."
"If you're going to make a lot of money, you have to be willing to take risks. If you don't, you're just wasting your time."
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