113 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Fathers.
"I told my kids that I can't be their friend because I am their father. It would be kind of awkward, and plus, I'm still working on being a father."
"I'm a dad, and it's not easy. But I don’t care what the kids say—I'm going to be the fun parent!"
"Being a dad is the best job in the world. Unless you have to go to work. Then it's the second best."
"I don't always go the extra mile for my kids, but when I do, it's because I missed the exit."
"There's no way to be a perfect father and a million ways to be a good one."
"My dad has the most amazing ability to ruin things just by existing."
"Fathers are like GPS: they're always telling you where to go, and you get there eventually—just not the way they said."
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"Parenting is like herding cats, except the cats can also say 'no' and think they are the boss."
"Dad, you know I'm not just your kid... I'm also your unpaid therapist."
"Fatherhood is a great opportunity for emotional growth, assuming you don’t trip over your kid’s Lego collection first."
"You don’t have to be a scientist to be a dad, but knowing how to fix a toy is a definite bonus."
"A dad is someone who loves you when you mess up; a father is someone who remembers you messed up before."
"I can’t believe I survived the teenage years. The kids? More difficult than my job as an astronaut."
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children."
"I asked my dad for his best advice regarding parenting. He thought for a minute and said, 'Don’t eat the yellow snow.'"
"Dads are like computers. They load up information and can be really helpful; but sometimes they crash!"
"It’s not easy being a father. If it were, fathers would ask for more money!"
"When I was a kid, I asked my dad for his advice on life. He said, 'Don’t follow in my footsteps; I’m accidentally following in them too!'"
"To my dad, I’m just like a little satellite that goes around him trying to get his attention!"
"Every time I change my kid’s diaper, I’m just glad it’s not me."
"Dad, you're the one that I look up to! Even when I’m taller than you!"
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"My dad was a master of the dad joke. You know it's bad when you start laughing and the punchline isn't even coming."
"Fathers are like grapes. They take a long time to ripen, and then they turn into a lot of jelly."
"You don't need a parachute to hang out with me. You just need a dad joke."
"Dad, I can't wait for Father’s Day so I can buy you another ugly tie!"
"I never want to be that dad who embarrasses his kids... but I’d probably make an exception for a good joke!"
"My dad is really short, but he still manages to look down on me all the time."
"Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad."
"When I was a kid, I thought my dad could do anything. Now that I'm grown, I'm pretty sure he can!"
"A dad is someone who holds you when you cry, scolds you when you break the rules, and shines with pride when you succeed."
"To be a good father, you have to be willing to do things that might embarrass you for your child's sake."
"If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way dad told you to in the beginning."
"Fatherhood is a walk in the park — Jurassic Park!"
"The only thing better than having you for a dad is my kids having you for a granddad."
"I can’t remember the last time I went to a restaurant and didn’t complain about the food, but that's what it means to be a dad!"
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"Being a dad is the greatest job a man could ever have. Especially when you can get your kids to do your chores for you!"
"Just remember, dad spelled backwards is 'add.' And he's definitely added a lot of joy to our lives!"
"A father’s love is eternal. Or at least until I ask him to babysit again!"
"Dads come in all shapes and sizes; some are big, some are small, and some just really like to make bad jokes."
"When I was growing up, my dad used to tell me these great life lessons... like how to turn a sandwich into an airplane!"
"Being a dad is like having a constant cheerleader, unless you ask him to help with your math homework."
"My dad is my harp. He is my soul. He is the person who makes me laugh."
"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope."
"I wish I could be as thin as my dad was when he was alive."
"Dads are like potato chips. You can’t have just one."
"A dad is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be."
"Dad, your jokes are like a river: they have a lot of flow but aren’t always that deep."
"Fatherhood is the best thing that could happen to me, and I’m just glad I can share my voice."
"I have a great dad. Just don't always tell him that because he can be a bit cocky."
"Fathers are like GPS: when you’re lost, they help you find your way home."
"The only thing worse than a father is a father who takes himself seriously."
"My father is my best friend. We always had a great relationship. He made me laugh."
"Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad."
"My dad said he didn’t understand my generation, and I told him it was a good thing because we don't understand his either!"
"Being a dad is like being a toddler’s favorite toy. You have to play along to stay in the game."
"Dad says, 'Money can't buy happiness,' but he also doesn't look happy when he’s broke."
"What I really like about dad jokes is that they’re so loved by children and so hated by everyone else."
"I love the dad jokes, especially when your dad dials the punchline straight to awkward."
"Behind every great daughter is a truly amazing dad."
"Father's Day is like Christmas, except you only get socks and no toys."
"Dad was always my greatest coach, just didn't always remember to unmute himself during the games."
"You know you're a dad when you can recite movie lines from kids' films straight from memory."
"A father carries pictures where his money used to be, and his heart where his laughter is found."
"My dad is great, but the list of things he doesn’t know is much longer than the one I have."
"Dad, you're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, 'Not now.'"
"Fatherhood is telling your kids ‘I told you so’ more times than you’d like to admit."
"A father is a man who expects his children to be as amazing as he is."
"My dad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo."
"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe. Call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."
"Dads are like spaghetti. They can be funny and a little tangled sometimes."
"Dad, I love you. Even though you snore like a chainsaw."
"Dad: A title just above king."
"I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do, it’s only because I forgot something at home."
"Fatherhood is the greatest thing that could happen to you and the worst thing that could happen to you."
"Being a dad is 75% talking about your car."
"To be a great father is like to be a great comic. You have to make people laugh, and you have to make them cry."
"I'm not a regular dad, I'm a cool dad!"
"When I was a kid, I asked my dad for a BB gun. He said, 'You can shoot your eye out.' So I asked for a trampoline. He said, 'You can break your neck.' So I just got a small box. 'What’s that for?' 'To complain about my life.'"
"Fatherhood: Feeding a daughter, then putting on a belt with which to punish the boy she brings home."
"If you think I'm going to hold your hand through life, you’re going to find out what your bedroom looks like without the light on."
"The first time I saw my father cry was when I dropped his brand new motorcycle."
"Dad, thanks for always believing in me. Even when I said I wanted to be a professional pillow tester."
"In the end, it’s not the years in a life that count, it’s the life in your years."
"Whatever you do, don’t tell your dad to ‘be himself’ because you’ll freak him out."
"My dad jokes are all 100% original; I steal them from everyone else."
"Dad, a son’s first hero and a daughter’s first love."
"I’m convinced that my dad’s secret to raising three kids was to eat peanut butter straight from the jar."
"I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my sister and me."
"Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I grow."
"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on a rope."
"I love my dad. He is my hero, and he is everything I want to be."
"A dad is someone who loves you even when you’re really annoying."
"Fatherhood is the greatest thing that could happen to me, and I’m just glad I’m ready for it."
"Behind every great kid is a dad who’s pretty sure he’s screwing it up."
"When I was a kid, I thought my dad was a superhero. Now that I’m an adult, I realize he definitely had superpowers: escaping from the house to go bowling."
"My dad is a walking dad joke."
"Fathers are like a fine wine. They take time to develop, and not everyone has great taste."
"Dad, you’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, 'Not now.'"
"Sure, dads can be embarrassing, but they also know a lot of things about a lot of things."
"A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be."
"Dads are just antique children."
"The first time I saw my dad on the court, I thought he was a giant. Turns out he was just really, really short."
"There are three stages of a man's life: he believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus."
"Becoming a dad is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s all about making terrible decisions and laughing about it."
"Dads: the only people that can change the channel from the couch without leaving it."
"If at first you don't succeed, call Dad!"
"I couldn’t imagine life without my dad, but thankfully I don’t have to – he’s always nearby, occasionally hitting the remote."
"Dad, if I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes."
"Being a dad is 80 percent showing up."
"Fathers are not like moms. They really don’t care if you sit in your room all day and eat chips."
"Kids don’t know that you have a life too until they become parents themselves."
"They say that God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers. But I think he made fathers too, so mothers could complain."
"A father carries pictures where his money used to be."
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