109 result(s) for Funny Old Quotes.
"I’m at a stage in my life where I can’t remember all the things I’ve forgotten."
"At my age, I’ve seen it all, done it all, heard it all, and I just can’t remember it all."
"I have gotten old, but I still find it difficult to get up and get going in the morning."
"I've reached the age where my back goes out more than I do."
"Just remember, once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed."
"You’re not getting older, you’re just becoming a classic."
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese."
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"I'm not aging, I'm marinating."
"About aging, the only thing that hurts is how fast time flies."
"I don't feel old. I feel like a kid who just happens to have a few more years behind him."
"Old age is when you can’t remember the last time you did something for the first time."
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left."
"Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you didn't commit."
"There is no remedy for age but to go to bed early."
"The elderly don’t have problems; they have solutions."
"Old people shouldn’t eat health food; they need all the preservatives they can get."
"Age is just a number. In my case, a very high number."
"The older I get, the more I realize that it’s all about perspective."
"Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength."
"The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends."
"I feel like I'm 20 again. Unfortunately, I also feel like I’m 80."
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"I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one."
"Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed."
"At my age, I’ve seen it all, done it all, and can’t remember any of it."
"The first sign of old age is when you start to look like your passport photo."
"Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life."
"You know you’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster."
"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot."
"Old age is like a plane flying through a thunderstorm. Once you’re aboard, there’s nothing you can do."
"I’ve reached the age where my back goes out more than I do."
"The only thing wrong with getting old is that you still remember how you used to be."
"The older I get, the more I realize that I’m always going to be a kid at heart."
"Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life."
"There's no such thing as an old person; only a young person who's been around a long time."
"To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition."
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"I don’t want to be 40; I want to be 20, but with the wisdom of 40."
"We are all the same age inside."
"It is not how old you are but how you are old."
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do."
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now."
"The older I get, the better I was."
"If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people."
"We are all the same age here."
"Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age."
"You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing."
"At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, and can't remember most of it."
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
"I can't get no satisfaction, and I can't get no sleep. But I keep on trying!"
"You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there."
"By the time you're 80 years old, you've learned everything. You only have to remember it."
"The only time I feel old is when I'm with younger people."
"Old age comes on suddenly and not gradually as is thought."
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you're on the ground, the storm is over, and you're still alive."
"It is better to be over the hill than under it."
"I’ve reached the age where my brain goes from ‘You probably shouldn’t say that’ to ‘What the hell; let’s see what happens.’"
"If you think I’m crazy, wait ’til you meet my children!"
"The older you get, the more you realize that kindness is synonymous with happiness."
"Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you."
"When you’re young, you assume everyone is nice. When you’re old, you assume everyone is a bit nuts."
"I can’t help detesting my relations. I suppose they must be respectable, but they do spending the holidays with them on my mind."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat."
"I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter."
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
"I didn’t fall. I’m just spending some quality time with the floor."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something."
"As you get older, three things happen: The first thing you forget is names, and I can’t remember the other two."
"I'm on the patch right now, so I'll have to go back to my 2nd job, asking people if they want fries with that."
"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"I didn’t know you could get two years old in such small packages."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on."
"In my house, I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
"Never let your mother brush your hair when she’s angry."
"I am not young enough to know everything."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed."
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young."
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward sunlight."
"Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone."
"A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams."
"I don't feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap."
"The older I get, the more I realize that I’m just like everyone else. I want to be treated like a person, not a senior citizen."
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional."
"I've reached that age where my back goes out more than I do."
"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old."
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you're aboard, there's no turning back."
"It's not that we're afraid of death, it's that we're afraid of the fact that we can't see it coming."
"The older I get, the more I realize how much I can learn from the younger generations."
"At my age, I’ve seen it all. I just can’t remember it."
"After all these years, I still get excited when I see my birth date on a cake."
"We're getting old. It's time to put away childish things—like aging gracefully."
"The first step to becoming elderly is when you finally admit it."
"You know you're getting old when you can no longer hide your age – it's written all over your face, or at least on your driver’s license!"
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am."
"Retirement: that's when you return from work one day and say, 'Hi, honey, I’m home – forever!'"
"My memories are like a bad movie. I wish I could watch them on mute."
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