115 result(s) for Funny Bar Quotes.
"I drink to forget I drink."
"I only drink on two occasions: When I’m thirsty and when I’m not."
"I’ve taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money."
"I’m on the patch right now. I used to have a drinking problem, but now I just drink."
"Cheers to alcohol! The cause of—and solution to—all of life’s problems."
"I don’t get drunk, I get awesome."
"One martini is all right, two are too many, and three are not enough."
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"Why did the bartender break up with his girlfriend? She had too many issues."
"I told the bartender to make my drink stronger. He poured it in a bigger glass."
"There are two kinds of people in the world: wine drinkers and people who are wrong."
"I wish I had a beer right now. And by 'beer,' I mean 'a million dollars.'"
"The best kind of women are the ones who drink beer."
"I love to drink beer. It makes me feel more like myself."
"I’m not an alcoholic; I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings."
"If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner."
"I got a new job at the brewery. I’m now a ‘pour’ decision maker!"
"My drinking team has a bowling problem."
"I drink because I’m bored. I drink for inspiration. I drink because I’m uninspired."
"I never drink water; that is the lake where the crocodiles are."
"Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy."
"Here’s to the nights we won’t remember, with the friends we won’t forget."
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"I like my whiskey like I like my women: aged and with a little bit of bite."
"I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs."
"I used to think drinking was bad for me... so I gave up thinking."
"The only way to enjoy drinking at home is to invite some friends. Who knows? You might even find a new friend in the bottom of the bottle."
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
"Why don't we get drunk and screw?"
"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a wine enthusiast!"
"Take life with a grain of salt, a slice of lime, and a shot of tequila."
"I only drink to make my friends seem more interesting."
"There’s always time for a drink."
"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. And a good bar to top it off!"
"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
"You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy beer, and that’s kind of the same thing."
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"Let’s have a toast to the evening; may we always have a reason to celebrate!"
"There's nothing like a good glass of wine to help you forget about your problems... or possibly create some new ones."
"In wine, there is truth. In whiskey, there is strength. In beer, there is freedom!"
"A hangover is the wrath of grapes."
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says to love your enemy."
"Life is too short to drink bad wine."
"I can't drink anymore. I'm allergic to it. I break out in handcuffs!"
"Cheers to a long life and a merry one—a quick death and an easy one."
"I drink to make other people interesting."
"I only drink on two occasions: When I'm thirsty and when I'm not."
"In wine, there is wisdom; in beer, there is freedom; in water, there is bacteria."
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
"I make beer disappear. What's your superpower?"
"There’s a fine line between a long day at work and a bad night at the bar."
"A man walks into a bar… and raises his hand and swears to never leave."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"I can't make it to the bar tonight. My club is meeting to discuss our last meeting."
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
"The hardest thing about being a bartender is that first drink you have to pour, the one that starts the night off right."
"Not all those who wander are lost. Some are just looking for the right bar."
"I told my therapist about my drinking problem, and now I have to go to therapy for my therapy problem."
"Drinking is a way of escaping the struggles of life, or sometimes just a way to intensify them."
"You can't buy happiness, but you can buy a beer, and that's pretty close."
"I have a drinking problem – I can't find my drink."
"Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else at the bar."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"I went to a bar the other night, and forgot my wallet. The bartender said, 'Just bring it next time.' I told him it could take a while."
"The only thing I lose is my balance after a few drinks."
"The other day, I got a scotch whiskey instead of a red eye. Well, that was 100% better."
"If I was a vegetable, I would be a ‘couch potato’."
"I have been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
"I only drink to make other people interesting."
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"The only thing worse than a flat beer is a flat conversation."
"A drink a day keeps the shrink away."
"I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!"
"I have a lot of respect for beer. It’s a great historian."
"Bartending is like working with a bunch of miniature therapists, mixing potent beverages instead of medications."
"You can’t be sad when you’re holding a beer."
"Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. Just like bar gossip!"
"Beer, if drunk in moderation, promotes health and longevity."
"The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. The second step is realizing you don’t."
"If you can't remember my name, just say 'beer' and I'll turn around."
"Why did the bartender break up with his girlfriend? She was bar-none the worst."
"A day without beer is like a day without sunshine."
"Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems."
"I'm so glad we had this time together, just to have a laugh and sing a song."
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
"Madame, I have been thinking about what you said last night at the bar. This coffee will wash my memories away."
"I drink to forget; I forget to drink."
"I feel like I’m in a beer commercial—like I could walk into a bar and just be like, 'One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!'"
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear… and drinking responsibly."
"I used to drink a lot of water, but then I found out I could get it from beer."
"They say laughter is the best medicine. But if you laugh for no reason, you might need medicine."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
"I’ve got a beer belly, but it’s a good beer belly; it's full of great stories!"
"I've never met a beer I didn't like."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, including the drinks!"
"Beer: Because it's not good to drink alone."
"Reality called, so I hung up."
"I drink to forget; I just can't remember what."
"You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy beer, and that’s pretty close."
"I don’t need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt."
"I thought I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"The more you drink, the better I look."
"There’s no such thing as a bad beer, just some beers are better than others."
"Good people drink good beer."
"Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems."
"I’ve got a feeling that today is going to be a good day. Time for happy hour!"
"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria."
"Drunk is just another way of saying 'I love you'."
"You'll never get drunk with a friend. You’ll however get a great buddy for the night."
"To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the inner music that words make."
"Friends don’t let friends drink alone."
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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