130 result(s) for Funny Facebook Quotes.
"I'm on Facebook all the time. I keep my friends close and my 'friends' closer."
"If you don’t have anything nice to post, then get off Facebook!"
"My Facebook status is currently 'in a complicated relationship with my WiFi.'"
"I love how Facebook provides us with a platform to find out what everyone is doing that we didn’t want to know."
"Facebook is like a refrigerator. You check it every 10 minutes, hoping for something good!"
"I’m not sure what’s more embarrassing: accidentally liking a photo from two years ago or posting on a friend's wall instead of sending them a private message."
"I’m just here for the memes and cat videos."
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"Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to yourself and everyone thinks it’s normal."
"Why do they call it Facebook? I can't find a book anywhere!"
"That awkward moment when you realize your Facebook friends are way more interesting than you."
"I finally got my life together... I improved my status on Facebook."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch and then I post about it on Facebook."
"I’m really good at Facebook. You could say I’m a status expert."
"Facebook: where you can poke your friends without getting arrested."
"Dear Facebook, I love the memories you remind me of... even if I looked ridiculous."
"You know you’re addicted to Facebook when you say ‘LOL’ out loud!"
"If you’re not posting selfies, are you even living your best life?"
"I’m convinced that my spirit animal is my Facebook news feed: a complete mess of posts."
"Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things. On Facebook, I can look busy."
"I don't always check Facebook, but when I do, I spend three hours catching up on irrelevant posts."
"My life feels like a test I didn’t study for – good thing I post everything on Facebook!"
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"I put the 'pro' in procrastination... and the 'face' in Facebook."
"I could give up Facebook, but I’m not a quitter!"
"If only my bank account was as full as my Facebook friends list!"
"Facebook is just like real life, only with more filters."
"I post to Facebook to get validation for things I would normally do in private."
"Pro tip: always make sure your embarrassing moments are set to 'friends only' on Facebook."
"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"I’m on the patch right now for those who don’t use Facebook, and I’m just trying to stay off the gas."
"Facebook: the only place where it's socially acceptable to have the same conversation over and over again."
"I love how Facebook makes me feel like I'm still in high school - and it's great when I want to stalk my ex!"
"I fear my wifi connection is getting better than my social life."
"Facebook is the only place where you can become famous just by posting one photo of yourself as a baby."
"I don’t always use Facebook, but when I do, it’s to procrastinate."
"Is it just me, or does my life feel like a highlight reel for my Facebook profile?"
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"If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to unfriend someone on Facebook, I would be rich enough to actually unfriend them."
"I was going to make a Facebook page for my jokes, but I didn't want to be reported for spam."
"Before Facebook, I didn't even know people could be that annoying."
"It's funny how we post about our lives on Facebook, but no one seems to get the memo about that being a performance."
"I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook: I love to hate it!"
"Facebook is like a diary, except every page is made of a lot of random food pictures and vacation selfies."
"I just came from Facebook where I saw my friend's daughter who has better fashion sense than me."
"When life gives you lemons, post it on Facebook to get sympathy likes!"
"I'm on Facebook simply to remind my friends that I am better than them."
"Life is short. Use it to post every single meal you eat on Facebook."
"You know you're getting old when the only time you're on Facebook is to check up on your kids."
"Thanks to Facebook, I now know who all my friends look like after their third glass of wine."
"Facebook: bringing awkward encounters into your living room since 2004."
"You can fool some people on Facebook all the time, and you can fool all the people some of the time, but you can't fool your mom."
"Every time I post, I hope people comment 'LOL.' Otherwise, what was the point?"
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch. And posting it on Facebook."
"I went to a Facebook seminar. I walked in, and nobody talked to me."
"I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"My Facebook is like a time capsule: a snapshot of my life in ‘What was I thinking?’"
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads."
"Every time I have to log into Facebook, I feel like I’m entering the Hunger Games."
"If I had a dollar for every time I saw a cat video on Facebook, I would have a lot of cat videos."
"I wish I had a Facebook filter for bad decisions."
"Facebook is the only place where it’s okay to stare at your phone while sitting in a room full of people."
"I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?"
"You know you’re getting old when you find Facebook more interesting than going out."
"I would like to thank my middle finger for always being there when I needed it."
"If only my bank account felt as good as my Facebook friends list looks."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I finally found my soulmate. It’s pizza."
"I need six months of vacation, twice a year."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"I can’t believe I still have to put ‘please don’t eat the crayons’ on the list."
"I didn’t choose the thug life; the thug life chose me."
"Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!"
"Someone stole my Microsoft office and they’re gonna pay. You have my word!"
"I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me."
"I’m not really a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?"
"Oops! Did I just do that? Oh well!"
"It’s a good day to be a good day."
"In my defense, I was left unsupervised."
"I'm not a regular mom; I'm a cool mom!"
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"You’re never too old to play immature games."
"I can’t believe how much I can’t remember!"
"I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on a long, long break."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Beach wallpapers."
"I finally found out what’s wrong with my brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right, and on the right side, there’s nothing left."
"I wake up in the morning and I can’t see my shoes. That’s usually when I start the day!"
"There should be a coffee store on every street corner to make the world a better place!"
"Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"If we aren’t supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"My life feels like a test I didn’t study for."
"I wish I could be as thin as my patience."
"I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle."
"You can't make everyone happy. You're not a taco."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"Maybe you should eat makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too."
"I was going to lose weight this year, but I decided to take a more realistic approach."
"I thought of going on an all-almond diet. But that would be nuts!"
"A balanced diet is having a cupcake in each hand."
"I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me."
"I'm not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"The only running I do is to the fridge!"
"I’m on the patch right now to become a better person. It’s called Facebook."
"Facebook is like a refrigerator. You go there, you open the door, and you don’t know why you’re there."
"I don’t always post on Facebook, but when I do, I make sure it’s something that makes me look good."
"If you don’t want your boss to see your Facebook, you shouldn’t friend him."
"I love how Facebook is a place where you can share everything about yourself, and yet, I’m still a stranger to most people."
"Social media allows me to be my true self, unless my boss is looking."
"I wonder if the field of psychology has a study about how Facebook makes your life seem more interesting than it actually is."
"My Facebook account is basically a scrapbook of all my bad decisions."
"Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to post the same things over and over again and call it a feed."
"Facebook: where ‘like’ is the new ‘hello.’"
"The best part of Facebook is that it’s like a time machine; I can go back and see all of my regrets."
"Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I stopped getting on Facebook for a month. I'd probably miss all those political rants!"
"Facebook is the only place where you can talk to your family and friends without knowing anything about what’s going on in their life."
"It’s funny how a ‘like’ on Facebook is now the equivalent of a hug."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it ‘lunch’ while scrolling through Facebook."
"I love how Facebook makes me feel young. My newsfeed is like a high school reunion, but everyone’s still fighting over the same things."
"If you can't handle me at my Facebook posts, you don't deserve me at my real life."
"I’d rather procrastinate on Facebook than be productive and regret spending too much time on it."
"You know you’re addicted to Facebook when you get a notification for every time your family and friends breathe."
"Facebook is the place where a picture of your food can get more likes than your biggest accomplishments."
"Life is short. Make every status update count."
"On Facebook, everyone is living their best life, while I’m just here trying to figure out what to have for dinner."
"I like to post on Facebook just to remind everyone that I’m still here, even if I didn’t do anything remarkable."
"If Facebook had a theme song, it would be ‘Living in the Past’."
"You know you're getting old when your friends on Facebook start getting 'married,' not just 'liked'."
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