99 result(s) for Weird Old Quotes.
"I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
"Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious; both are disappointed."
"I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans."
"As I get older, I remember more things I should have forgotten."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it."
"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on."
"If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big."
"The only thing I know is that I know nothing."
"I would rather be a devil in hell than an angel in heaven."
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"If I were to die right now, I would die happy. Just kidding, I'm terrified."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."
"What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?"
"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."
"When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines."
"I have a dream... that one day I will read more than one book a year."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
"There is a fine line between a long, drawn-out joke and a serious conversation."
"Well, if I’m a liar, I’m a damn good one."
"I am not young enough to know everything."
"There is no problem so big it cannot be run away from."
"I have nothing to declare except my genius."
"If I am ever reincarnated, I want to come back as a cat because cats are so pampered."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes us think we can be happy without money."
"Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"As I get older, I remember more things that I’ve done that I didn't actually do."
"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
"The future is uncertain, but this uncertainty is at the heart of human creativity."
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
"There is nothing so absurd that it cannot be believed as truth."
"An optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears it is true."
"The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude."
"There's something strangely musical about noise."
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats."
"I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat."
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
"It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards."
"I can resist anything except temptation."
"The majority of people prefer the chaos of life to the order of death."
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it."
"To err is human, to really screw up requires a computer."
"If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people?"
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
"I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
"A penny saved is a penny earned, but a penny spent may be a penny enjoyed."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"When nothing goes right, go left."
"Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman."
"As I get older, I remember more things that I never knew in the first place."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"The best way to predict the future is to create it."
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
"I can resist anything but temptation."
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"Procrastinate now, don’t put it off."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
"I am an early bird and a night owl… so I’m wise and I have worms."
"Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it."
"Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day."
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can put off till the day after tomorrow."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"God gave humans both a brain and a tongue, and only a fraction of people use both."
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work out, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
"My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stopped believing in time."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"I don't suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with nonsense."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
