102 result(s) for Funny Mom Quotes.
"I told my kids that I could make a great dinner with just a can of tuna and some hope. They weren't impressed."
"There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."
"I’m a mom. What’s your superpower?"
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"When in doubt, just add glitter."
"You know you’re a mom when you have to reheat your coffee three times before you finish it."
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"I can't believe I used to have a life before kids."
"The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant—and let the air out of the tires."
"You can’t be a good parent if you’re not a good person. You can’t teach your children respect and kindness if you don’t show it."
"Mama said there'd be days like this, but she never said there'd be so many."
"I’m just a mom trying to be a superhero in a world full of villains."
"I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband."
"It’s not just that I love my kids; it’s how they’ve taught me sarcasm."
"The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize."
"Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up."
"If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to in the beginning."
"I told my mom I was going to be a comedian. She said, 'Well, at least you’re not a doctor.'"
"It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it."
"The days are long, but the years are short."
"I used to think my mom was the best cook, but then I found out it was just me being really hungry."
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"Sometimes I wonder how my mom puts up with me. Then I remember, my mom has a lot of practice."
"Being a mom is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It’s also the hardest thing I’ve ever done."
"I think my mother was a great influence on my life as a comedian. She always said to me, 'You’re a funny girl.'"
"Mom, I love you, even though I never listen to you."
"My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Great as they are, it’s also to realize how much I need coffee."
"As a mom, my job is to take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible."
"I mom so hard, I can’t even remember what it was like to be a not-mom."
"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."
"Behind every parent is a child who thinks they’re doing it all wrong."
"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take."
"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power."
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."
"A mother understands what a child does not say."
"I told my mom I was going to be a comedian and she said she’d 'like to see me try.' So, here I am, Mom, still trying."
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"The only time a woman can be trusted is when her mom is around."
"If at first, you don't succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to in the beginning."
"I can't believe how much I got done today. I didn't even get out of my pajamas."
"Motherhood: the only job where you can be fired for not showing up for work."
"My mom said the secret to staying young is to lie about your age. So, I’ll be 29 again this year!"
"There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, so just be a real one."
"Having kids is like watching your heart walk around outside your body."
"My mother is my best friend, and she’s the most important person in my life. But she'd have a better view of that if I hadn’t been such a horrible teenager."
"All mothers are working mothers."
"I love how my mom always knows the right thing to say! Too bad it’s usually, 'Get a job!'"
"My mom taught me to be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. But she also taught me how to lie about how bad my cooking really is."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure. My mom says that means I need to decide already!"
"Whenever I feel like I’m struggling, I just remember that my mom survived raising me. I can survive anything!"
"Mom, I love you. Even when you think my Instagram is 'just a phase.'"
"Being a mom is learning about strengths you didn't know you had and dealing with fears you didn't know existed."
"Being a mom is the best thing in the world. It's also the most challenging thing ever."
"You think that the hardest part of being a mom is the lack of sleep, but really, the hardest part is being okay with all the mascara stains on your pillows."
"They say parenting is the world’s toughest job; I say it’s the world’s funniest job with the best job perks!"
"My mother taught me about the importance of being honest. 'You can’t lie about your age', she said. 'Age is like a fine wine— it gets better with time.'"
"I told my mom I’d like to go on a diet, and she said, 'I was on a diet once, too. It was called ‘The Food I Don’t Eat’ diet. It didn’t last long.'"
"If at first, you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to in the beginning."
"You don’t have to be a superhero to be a great mom; just be yourself and have a glass of wine!"
"As a mom, you can’t turn back time, but you can always redo your hair."
"There’s no such thing as a perfect mom. So just be a real one!"
"Cooking is like love; it should be entered into with abandon or not at all, especially when kids are involved."
"Mom, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you told me not to do that. But, on the bright side, I learned a valuable lesson!"
"Being a mom is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed."
"I used to be a people person, but then I realized that people are the worst."
"A mother’s arms are made of tenderness, and children sleep soundly in them."
"Mothers: the only people who know what it’s like to be the most unappreciated person alive."
"There’s no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one. And also to completely let out your inner goofball."
"If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart."
"Being a mom is the best thing that ever happened to me. Then again, I can’t continuously find the ketchup either."
"Mom, I love you. Even though you didn’t provide adequate snack options when I was growing up."
"A mom’s hug lasts long after she lets go… because it comes with a side of laughter!"
"Raising kids is like being in a circus; only not as fun."
"Moms have a way of making the world seem like a better place, especially with chocolate chip cookies!"
"They say parenting is all about time management, but my real skill is finding the time to figure out what I just misplaced."
"If mom can’t fix it, we’re all out of luck!"
"Mom: The human version of the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign."
"Kids are like boomerangs; they always come back! Especially when you don’t want them to."
"I told my kids that if they ever had a question about a subject, they could ask me, as long as it wasn’t at the dinner table."
"Mom: a title just above queen."
"There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."
"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"
"I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"Being a mom is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed."
"Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing."
"There’s nothing like being a mom. It’s the most rewarding job in the world, but it is also the most chaotic."
"You know you’re a mom when you have to keep a straight face while your kids are making extra noise before bedtime."
"I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a mom."
"A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary."
"Motherhood: All love begins and ends there."
"Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare."
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."
"I don’t know how I got through my kids’ teenage years. It’s like living with tiny terrorists."
"The phrase 'working mother' is redundant."
"I make all my kids' lunches. I also make all my kids' dinners. They are required to understand how to be self-sufficient."
"I asked my kids to not let me become that mom who looks like she gave up. They told me I already did."
"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant—and let the air out of the tires."
"Behind every great kid is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it up."
"You can’t be suspicious of a tree, or a duck, or an elephant. They’re just there. Same with motherhood; you can embrace it or run from it."
"I’ve got a kid who takes five minutes to get ready. And I have to be there every five minutes to remind him."
"If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to in the beginning."
"I don't know how to raise kids… My instrument is a guitar."
"Nothing is impossible for a mother to bear."
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