118 result(s) for Short Funny Christmas Quotes.
"At Christmas, all roads lead home. And some lead to the bar."
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you're home."
"I told Santa you were good this year and I was nice to you. He said you were naughty but nice."
"‘Tis the season to be jolly, but I prefer just to be wealthy."
"I just want to drink hot cocoa and watch Christmas movies all day."
"Dear Santa, I can't explain."
"The three stages of a man: He believes in Santa Claus. He does not believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus."
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"The only thing I want for Christmas is for you to leave me alone."
"I’m on the sleigh ride to nowhere!"
"It's the most wonderful time of the year – for a nap!"
"I thought that I was a pretty good cook until I tried to make Christmas dinner."
"Christmas is a magical time of year... I can’t remember what I’m forgetting!"
"What I really want for Christmas is for you to stop bothering me!"
"Nothing says 'Merry Christmas' like a little chaos."
"My favorite holiday tradition is getting my family to say 'What do you want for Christmas?' in July."
"If you think that Christmas is a time for family, then you’ve never dealt with my family."
"Santa gets way too much credit for the year’s end."
"Christmas is the only time I get a little tipsy before noon!"
"All I want for Christmas is to make it through without losing my mind."
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear! Just kidding, I'm not singing!"
"I'm on the naughty list and it's a private party!"
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"Each Christmas, I put a little more effort into disguising my considerable laziness."
"May your Christmas be merry and bright, and filled with lots of egg nog."
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home."
"I told my kids Santa wasn’t real. They didn’t believe me."
"Why is Christmas the most progressive holiday? Because it’s all about ‘Ho, Ho, Ho.’"
"I’m going to town with a sleigh full of presents, and I’ll pull my reindeer with me this time."
"Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality."
"Happy Christmas! May your windows be ever adorned with ornaments!"
"The best gift around the Christmas tree is a presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other."
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I'll drink the red!"
"My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside for Christmas."
"This Christmas I will be watching Elf on repeat. Not sorry."
"I was going to put up a Christmas tree, but then I remembered I don’t own a Christmas tree."
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"Don't get your tinsel in a tangle!"
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your joy."
"I don't have the energy to be negative. I’m just going to keep being festive."
"My favorite part of Christmas is eating all those tiny candy canes!"
"I put so much thought into my Christmas list that it was practically a novel."
"At Christmas, all roads lead home."
"Nothing says 'Christmas' like a wobbly tree and an overflowing gift budget."
"This holiday season, I'm just going to call up everyone I know and sing 'Jingle Bells' until they hang up."
"I’m on the hunt for the biggest Christmas tree. The bigger, the better, for all the presents I won’t be getting!"
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home."
"I told Santa you were good this year. He hasn't stopped laughing since."
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"There are more stars in the universe than there are Christmas lights on Earth."
"It's the most wonderful time of the year... for me to run out of money!"
"Christmas is like a stock market crash: you never know what's going to happen."
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I'll drink the red."
"Dear Santa, I can explain... and it's a long story!"
"All I want for Christmas is a new year that's as fun as the last one!"
"Santa's elves are on strike. We take Christmas very seriously here."
"If my boss knew how unproductive I am at work before Christmas, he wouldn't want to see my paycheck."
"I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents and look forward to a fat man in a red suit."
"I wasn't a bad child, but Santa had me on the naughty list for too long."
"Christmas is a time to be with family... and to discuss politics of course!"
"Some families have a 'naughty' or 'nice' list. My family has a 'crazy' list!"
"Christmas sweaters are like intimacy; you don't want to know what goes into them."
"Christmas isn't just a day, it's a state of mind... and I'm broke!"
"Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!"
"You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger."
"I'm only a morning person on December 25th."
"The only thing getting lit this Christmas are my holiday lights."
"Forget the past. The holidays are about eating and shopping!"
"I love the sounds of Christmas: the laughter, the carols, and the sound of my credit card bill!"
"I’m on the ‘nice’ list this year... I think."
"The only thing I love more than Christmas is the holiday cookies."
"I’m going to stroll into Christmas like it’s a job interview I already nailed."
"At Christmas, tea is not a luxury, it’s a necessity."
"Dear Santa, I can explain..."
"It’s the most wonderful time of the year... to be slightly crazy!"
"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in November."
"Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip."
"I’m only a morning person on December 25th."
"What do you call an elf who sings? A "
"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money."
"I put so much thought into my Christmas list this year. I just want a gift card and a bag of chocolate. Is that too much to ask?"
"Procrastinators unite… tomorrow!"
"I told Santa you were good this year. He hasn’t stopped laughing since!"
"Nothing ruins Christmas more than relatives."
"My Christmas wish? Keep the cold away and the cookies coming."
"The true spirit of Christmas lies in your heart and in your fridge."
"You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy Christmas cookies, and that’s kind of the same thing."
"I’ve seen your Facebook. Santa isn’t going to be impressed."
"Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year."
"This year, I’m just going to draw Santa on my tax return and call it even."
"I ate too much for Christmas and I regret nothing!"
"I would put my Christmas tree up, but I would have to take it down for Easter."
"Christmas is a magical time, full of laughter, joy, and regret after seeing the credit card bill."
"May your holidays be filled with the right amount of 'spirits'."
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year."
"I told Santa you were good this year. He hasn’t stopped laughing since."
"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered."
"The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants."
"I didn’t make it all the way to the North Pole, but I did wander into a Christmas gift shop, so that counts."
"Just remember, the spirit of Christmas is not to open our presents, but to open our hearts."
"I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!"
"Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money."
"Dear Santa, I can explain…"
"Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too, until the credit card bills arrive."
"A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t kill each other."
"The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."
"Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle."
"As for me, I am in a terrible fix. I had to buy my wife something for Christmas—she knows me too well."
"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
"Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks."
"If you can’t find Santa Claus, it’s because you heard him on the roof."
"I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange."
"If you're not in the mood for Christmas, just remember that it’s only 365 days until the next one."
"What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman."
"It's the most wonderful time of the year... for retail!"
"‘Tis the season to be jolly, but don’t forget to wear your stretchy pants."
"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... a piece of fruit cake that still stands a chance for 2024."
"Why does Santa Claus go down chimneys on Christmas Eve? Because it soot’s him!"
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. Or just sending memes."
"Christmas trees aren’t just for decoration. They’re also great for hiding gifts from your kids!"
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