120 result(s) for Funny Short Irish Quotes.
"I'm not drunk, I'm just drinking."
"May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead."
"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"I’m a real nowhere man, sitting in a nowhere land."
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it."
"There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven't yet met."
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"As you get older, three things happen: The first thing you lose is your memory, and I can't remember the other two."
"I am not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"Life is too short to be taken seriously."
"I would rather have a drink in my hand than a headache in my head."
"My drinking team has a sailing problem."
"May your troubles be less and your blessings be more. And nothing but happiness come through your door."
"I don’t need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"You’re never too old to be young."
"I drink to forget, but I never forget to drink."
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
"It’s a shame to waste a perfectly good lipstick."
"I may not be perfect but at least I’m not fake."
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"I thought I had a handle on my life, but then I realized it was just a rubber chicken."
"I'm on the patch now, but the patch is on me too."
"May your troubles be less and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door."
"A pint of ale is a pint of ale, but two pints of ale is a tonic!"
"If you’re enough lucky to be Irish, you’re lucky enough!"
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"God made the Irishman, then he made the rest of the world."
"The drunker you get, the better you look."
"I'm not saying I’m going to die, but if I do, I want to be cremated. It's like getting a tan without dying."
"A closed mouth catches no flies."
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
"There’s no need to fear the silence; it's the loud ones you should be wary of."
"I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!"
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
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"Always remember to forget the troubles that passed away. But never forget to remember the blessings that come each day."
"You can't be upset with someone who is so well-liked."
"If you can't be kind, at least be vague."
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
"There's more to life than increasing its speed."
"May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead."
"Good luck beats early rising."
"A proper cup of coffee from a proper copper coffee pot."
"The Irish can be understood only in terms of their giant imaginations."
"I'm Irish, I think about death all the time."
"To be Irish is to know that in the end, the world will continue, regardless of our antics."
"The best thing about the Irish is that they never forget a good laugh."
"An Irishman is never at his best except when he is drinking!"
"There’s no point in being Irish if you don’t know the poems of the greats to quote at a party."
"The craic was mighty!"
"Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way!"
"May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light."
"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable – like a coma?"
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men."
"You know you're Irish if you can tell a good story in under a minute."
"Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future."
"I only drink on two occasions: when I'm thirsty and when I'm not."
"If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’ll be happy to do it for you."
"God made whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world."
"The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."
"May the hinges of friendship never rust."
"I’d rather be a mendicant than a hospital patient."
"There are good days and there are good days!"
"You can’t look at a glass half-empty without wondering who drank the other half."
"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."
"May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends gathered below never fall out."
"There are only two kinds of people in the world, the Irish and those who wish they were."
"I’ve never seen a monument erected to a pessimist."
"You know you’re Irish when you pull out a shillelagh and the guard asks to join you."
"On the Irish land, there's no better soul than an Irishman’s heart."
"If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito."
"It’s no use saying ‘we are doing our best.’ You have to succeed in doing what is necessary."
"Everyone is wise until he speaks."
"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip."
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"It’s easy to be heavy; hard to be light."
"There are two things a man should never do at a funeral: steal the show, or hold up the bar."
"I've learned that if you love life, life will love you back."
"You know you’re Irish when your first words were 'Who wants to buy a round?'"
"A laugh is a smile that bursts."
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
"The Irish are so genial, at times they can seem like a nation of comedians."
"If you don't have Irish in you, you have bad luck."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up."
"Keep your head high and keep your chin up. Just don't forget to trample on the roses."
"Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day."
"A wee bit of laughter makes life a bit brighter!"
"Why don’t you ever see any elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it."
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
"I’m not irritable. I’m just surrounded by idiots."
"May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."
"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book."
"The man who has no imagination has no wings."
"Don’t worry if plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"If you’re lucky enough to be Irish, you’re lucky enough."
"I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"There's no use in crying over spilled milk, unless it's whiskey."
"May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light. May good luck pursue you each morning and night."
"Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma."
"I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not a selfie."
"You can’t be late until you show up."
"An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth."
"If you think education is difficult, try being a teacher."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"A man who uses force is afraid of reasoning."
"A pint of ale is good for the heart and a glass of whiskey for the soul."
"When I die, I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered across the pub."
"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink, the rest I wasted."
"A failed attempt is just a reminder that you tried."
"The best way to predict your future is to create it."
"Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer, which is pretty much the same thing."
"If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are Irish, and those who wish they were."
"A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'Well, that was fun!'"
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