109 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Yourself.
"I can’t believe I’m not as funny as I think I am."
"I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I don’t need Google. My wife knows everything."
"I am just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut."
"I’m so glad we’re friends. I always like to have a backup for my craziness."
"The only thing I throw back on Thursdays is my hair."
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"I don’t have one. I was born with a personality."
"I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"I’m just a mess, but at least I’m a funny one."
"I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life."
"I’m not weird, I’m limited edition."
"If you think I'm crazy, wait until you meet my friends."
"I live in my own little world, but it’s okay, they know me here."
"I’m not fat. I’m just easier to see."
"I would like to be the ideal man, but lingering doubts prevent me."
"I'm just like my children. I have a hard time following rules."
"I know that if I ever go missing, it will be because I found an epic snack."
"Every time I think I've seen it all, life just winks at me."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I could be a morning person... if morning started around noon."
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"I've learned that if you don’t ask, you won’t get."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"I finally found out what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side, there’s nothing right and on the right side, there’s nothing left."
"I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."
"I make mistakes... I’ll mistakes again."
"If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a dollar."
"I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!"
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I can’t believe I’m still single. I mean, I’m just too attractive."
"I’m not short, I’m fun-sized."
"I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
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"I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time."
"Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you."
"I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing."
"I am on the patch to recovery, but I don't want to recover my self-esteem. It is under construction."
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
"I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee."
"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"I can’t ever get bored when I’m with myself. I mean, the self-comparison is so flattering!"
"My therapist said that time heals all wounds, so I bought a timex."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"I wish I had a penny for every time I had a thought. But frankly, I never have any."
"Actually, I’m quite nice once you get to know me, but honestly, who has the time for that?"
"I put the 'Pro' in procrastinate."
"Getting older is like being a computer. You get more ram, but you can still crash and freeze anytime."
"I can only please one person per day. Today isn't your day, and tomorrow doesn't look good either."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I'm so glad we had this time together just to have a laugh or sing a song."
"I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"If I were a vegetable, I would be a 'cabbage.' Because I can’t even!"
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I think I’m in a love affair with my bed."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I don’t sweat, I sparkle."
"I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than most people."
"If I were a vegetable, I’d be a ‘couch potato.’"
"My brain has too many tabs open."
"I’m just a cupcake in a world full of muffins."
"I put the ‘Pro’ in procrastinate."
"I would like to be the person that my dog thinks I am."
"I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"I'm just an average human being with a ridiculously large ego."
"I may be a mess, but at least I'm a fun mess!"
"I'm seriously trying to lose weight. But it keeps finding me."
"I finally realized that I’m not as terrible as I think I am. I’m actually amazing, just in a really funny way."
"I’m just a simple person who refuses to be simple."
"I don’t have a big ego, I just love myself!"
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"My life feels like a test I didn’t study for."
"I’m so bright my mother calls me sun."
"People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act."
"I’m not the dumbest person in the world. I can’t be. I’ve got a laptop!"
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze!"
"I am not lazy. I am on energy-saving mode."
"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I don't even like sushi. But I will eat it if it makes me feel like I am sophisticated."
"I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator."
"I am on my way to becoming a millionaire, but I keep getting distracted by things like food, naps, and Netflix."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
"I don’t need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I can’t believe I’m still single. I mean, I’m still single. How do I keep getting it wrong?"
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"I am not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"I thought I had a handle on life, but then I realized I was just holding onto a cup of coffee."
"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"I’m not a player, I just crush a lot."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I’m still waiting for my big break. It’s like my career is on a really long coffee break."
"I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste."
"If I was funny, I would have a good opening line."
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I don’t have any bad habits. I have my own unique ways of doing things."
"You can’t be sad when you are holding a cupcake."
"I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas."
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