118 result(s) for Funny TV Quotes.
"I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually going to need you to act like a grown-up."
"I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse."
"That’s what she said."
"I’m not saying I’m Batman, I’m just saying nobody has ever seen me and Batman in a room together."
"Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose."
"You’re fired!"
"Sometimes you gotta take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later."
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"The one with the really long title."
"Bing! The wider world of Disney is open!"
"You can’t just walk into a bank and ask for a million dollars."
"You know, a lot of people are so afraid of change that they won't even change their socks."
"I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!"
"If I had a dollar for every time I had a dollar, I'd be a millionaire."
"I’m on the patch right now. Talk to me about anything but work."
"I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV."
"The bigger the hair, the closer to God."
"I’m not a crook!"
"Just because I have a colon doesn’t mean I’m a colon!"
"We were on a break!"
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"I don’t need this job. I don’t need this job. I don’t need this job….I don’t need this job!"
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"I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well."
"I am not a number! I am a free man!"
"You gotta ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, punk?"
"I thought I was going to get a sandwich! What’s this about a baby?"
"I don't need you to tell me how to live my life. I need you to help me out with pictures."
"Just because you’re not in a relationship, doesn’t mean you’re not in love."
"I am so proud of you. If you weren’t my sister, I would totally be dating you."
"I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well."
"I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour."
"I'm a big fan of the saying it’s better to be a has-been than a never-was."
"The only thing I am is a lonely man in a room with an butterscotch pudding."
"Potential is a great word, but it means nothing if you don’t apply it."
"Everyone has a purpose in life, maybe yours is watching television."
"If you get a bad haircut, you can always go bald."
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"Surprisingly, your career is not the center of the universe!"
"I’m a woman. I’m a mother. I have a great career. And I don’t need a man with big muscles to save me."
"Here’s what I know: at the end of the day, nobody is going to remember what you wore."
"I’m weird, I’m a nerd, I’m a geek."
"I am not a number. I am a free man!"
"My whole life is about guys. They’re the only thing I care about."
"I just hope I’m not a lousy mother."
"I don’t have a short attention span. I just... oh look, a squirrel!"
"Sometimes I feel like I'm on the verge of an enlightenment and then I lose it."
"You can’t just let life happen to you; you have to take the steering wheel."
"I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me."
"I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me."
"I am posting this on the internet so I must be right."
"That's what I love about these high school girls. I get older, they stay the same age."
"You can’t just sit there and wait for someone to not be a jerk. You have to take matters into your own hands!"
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"That's a deal-breaker, ladies!"
"I'm a Pepper. Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?"
"Oh, please. Don’t make me do something I will regret."
"In the game of life, you’re either a winner or a loser. And I’m a loser."
"I see your Schwartz is as big as mine."
"I can't believe I said that out loud."
"You know what they say: A fool and his money are soon parted. Just ask my ex-wife."
"Is it too late to be a happy, productive, well-adjusted member of society?"
"I'm not saying I'm Batman, I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in a room together."
"It’s not a lie if you believe it."
"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
"I can't even think straight!"
"I'm a unicorn, jerks!"
"When it rains, it pours, but when it's a drought, it's a real bummer."
"I wish I could give you more than just a fantastic, uniquely yours, signature sandwich."
"I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."
"I can’t help it if I’m popular."
"I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight."
"I love lamp."
"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up."
"I’m in a glass case of emotion!"
"I’ve made a huge mistake."
"You can't put a price on a good time."
"That’s what she said!"
"I’m not a robot. I’m a human being!"
"I have a bad feeling about this."
"It's not a lie if you believe it."
"You’re going to need a bigger boat."
"Bing bong!"
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I love it when a plan comes together."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"This is the last time I ever take advice from a tiny, talking raccoon."
"You can’t stop the signal."
"I am so glad I’m not like you."
"You're the reason I can't have nice things!"
"Keep the change, ya filthy animal!"
"In my defense, I was left unsupervised."
"Just because I’m not hyper, doesn’t mean I’m not excited!"
"Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith first, the trust part comes later."
"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."
"I’m on the patch right now. I’m wearing it, but I’m still fiendin’ for it."
"The only thing I love more than money is more money."
"I am Beyoncé, always."
"You can't be a part-time criminal."
"I don’t want to be a pirate!"
"No one’s ever really gone."
"I can’t believe you would even think that! Who do you think I am, a kid who hasn’t seen the world?"
"I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."
"I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"Adjourn the meeting! I’m going to the sauna!"
"Well, it’s not a lie if you believe it."
"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV."
"It's a trap!"
"You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice."
"I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep pretending to be someone I’m not."
"I’m just a little confused; I thought I was the good guy."
"Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer!"
"I wish I could be as thin as my patience."
"Sometimes you’ve gotta create your own sunshine."
"I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it."
"To infinity and beyond!"
"Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life."
"You know what they say: 'Fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again.'"
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