128 result(s) for Funny Project Management Quotes.
"Good project management is not about doing things right, it’s about doing the right things right."
"Project management is like juggling three balls – time, budget, and scope. But we add a flaming sword and a chainsaw to the mix."
"The best project managers are great at two things: managing human behavior and managing chaos."
"How do you know if you’re a project manager? You’ve written detailed status reports that no one ever reads."
"If you think project management is easy, you clearly haven’t tried to manage one."
"In project management, there is no perfect plan, only the plan you end up with."
"Project management: where 'Let's do lunch' becomes 'Let’s do the project instead.'"
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"Deadlines are like a breath of fresh air. If you’re not choking, you’re not moving fast enough."
"When all else fails, call it version 1.0."
"Project management: the art of keeping all your ducks in a row... while one is always flying the other direction."
"The project manager's motto: 'If it’s not in the schedule, it doesn’t exist.'"
"When we lose one project, we simply say we’ve retired it."
"Successful project management requires a fine balance of sanity and insanity."
"A project manager’s favorite exercise? Running late."
"I don’t always assign projects, but when I do, I ensure there are at least three conflicting deadlines."
"There is no problem that a little project management can't make worse."
"Project planning: because we have to give an illusion of organized chaos."
"Project management: the fine art of getting people to do what you want when you want it."
"In project management, an ‘urgent’ task is merely a way of saying ‘I didn’t start this on time.’"
"The project management triangle: Cost, Time, and Scope. Let’s just say it’s more of a game of Twister."
"Project management is like herding cats... with a few dogs thrown in for fun."
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"Teamwork makes the dream work, but only if you can agree on the dream."
"A project manager is just a glorified babysitter for adults."
"Project management is about managing expectations – and sometimes just managing your sanity."
"Nothing hones project management skills like managing a bunch of volunteers."
"Project managers don’t create problems; they merely uncover them!"
"There’s no 'I' in project team, but there’s definitely a 'My way is better'."
"The only thing worse than a bad project is a project with no manager."
"Project management is like juggling three balls: time, money, and people. And if you drop one, the whole thing falls apart!"
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"In project management, the impossible is merely a temporary setback."
"As a project manager, I always tell my team, 'We may not be perfect, but we sure are fun!'"
"Sometimes I wonder if the universe is just a big project management tool, where we are all the confused users."
"The project manager is the person who gets the blame when something goes wrong; they are also the person who is supposed to make sure nothing goes wrong."
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
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"The best way to get a project finished is to be part of a team that succeeds in finishing it... before the deadline changes."
"A good project manager knows how to avoid problems; a great project manager knows how to use problems to their advantage."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough."
"I can’t see my project through the fog of requirements."
"Project management is like herding cats – the cats are all doing their own thing, and you’re just along for the ride."
"There's nothing more dangerous than a resource with a deadline."
"I just want to make a difference in the world, and if I can’t do that, then I’ll just settle for not screwing anything up."
"Thanks to modern technology, we can communicate with anyone, anywhere, any time – and ignore them just as easily."
"Version control is the way to ensure you never lose something you didn’t intend to create in the first place."
"Project managers are people who think it's a good idea to run into walls rather than just walk around them."
"There are no ‘no problems’ in project management; just ‘unexpected opportunities’."
"Every project has a silver lining – you just have to find it, preferably before the deadline."
"Meetings: where minutes are kept and hours are lost."
"What we do is only a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."
"A project is a container for deliverables, delivered at the speed of bureaucracy."
"Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should – especially in project management."
"Project management is like herding cats."
"If you think project management is easy, you’re doing it wrong."
"A project manager’s job is to make the impossible seem perfectly reasonable."
"The magic formula that successful project managers have discovered is to treat the work as if it were easy."
"There are two kinds of people in this world: those who want to get things done, and those who want to get things perfect."
"In project management, the only time a project is behind schedule is when the project manager has no coffee."
"The only thing worse than a project being late is when it finishes on time, but it's not what the client wanted."
"Project management isn’t about being in control. It’s about being out of control, and managing any mismanagement."
"A project manager’s greatest tool is a cat herder."
"Most project management problems are caused by trying to pick a number rather than picking a person."
"The project manager is the only person who thinks there should be a manual for that."
"Good project managers always find a way to make ‘urgent’ and ‘important’ the same thing."
"Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it."
"If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong."
"You can’t manage what you don’t measure, and nobody measures success like a project manager — at least in their own head."
"A project manager is a person who is responsible for everything except what actually gets done."
"Behind every successful project is a project manager who is being told that the deadline has been moved up."
"You can do it your way or you can do it my way, but once you see my way, you’ll want to change your way."
"Time flies when you’re having fun, but in project management, time decides to crawl."
"Why do they call it project management? Because in any endeavor, there's always a project to manage a disaster."
"The person who said, 'It can’t get worse' has obviously never been a project manager."
"In project management, it’s not the failures that matter; it’s the lessons that were learned — mostly not to repeat the same mistakes twice!"
"How do you know a project manager is lying? Their lips are moving."
"It’s not the project that’s the problem; it’s responsibility that’s spread too thin."
"Project management is like herding cats. It's a thankless job, filled with frustration and uncertainty."
"A project manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month."
"Project Management: The art of making sure the right people are working on the problems they should be solving."
"Why do they call it project management? It should be called project un-management, because you’ll always feel like you’re fighting a losing battle."
"The best way to predict the future is to project it onto a PowerPoint slide."
"Managing projects is like herding cats, but now you're in the rain, and they’re wet and angry."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it."
"Doing a project on time is like a marathon where everyone dies at the end."
"You can’t manage what you can’t measure... but sometimes you might not want to measure what you are managing."
"A project without a well-defined scope is like an ocean without water; it’s just not going to work."
"Good project management is basically making sure everyone knows what they are doing and that someone is always there to blame."
"The only thing worse than a project not meeting its objectives is a project that has objectives no one can understand."
"Delivering a project on time is like winning the lottery – it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it feels great."
"Project management is the art of keeping a project from being derailed by unavoidable chaos."
"If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success."
"Projects are like children; we spend the first years getting them built and then the next years regretting all the time we spent."
"The key to project management is to break things down to a level where they make sense – but not too much, or no one will want to work on them."
"Nothing ever gets built in this world without a good project manager to take credit for it."
"You know you are a project manager when you can disagree with yourself and have a complete discussion about it."
"The first step in project management is doing whatever you can to avoid it."
"Why do project managers always carry a pencil behind their ear? In case they have to draw on their past experiences!"
"If you think you can’t, you’re right, and if you think you can, you might just be overwhelmed with new problems!"
"In project management, the only thing that is certain is uncertainty itself."
"A good project manager can be very resourceful – especially when it comes to finding excuses."
"Let's start by defining 'success'... oh wait, that's the next meeting!"
"You can't manage what you can't measure. But you can sure as hell mismanage what you can measure."
"A project is complete when it starts working for you, rather than you working for it."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"Project management is like juggling three balls – time, cost, and quality, and if you drop one, you will be the only one hurt."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"There’s a fine line between a workload and a work load of crap."
"A good project manager is a lot like a farmer. You’re not just planting seeds; you’re trying to ensure none of your crops get eaten."
"The problem with project management is that if you don't know where you're going, you might not get anywhere."
"The first rule of project management is: You can’t start a project until your last one is finished. The second rule is: That will never happen."
"In project management, a day late and a dollar short is bad, but a day early and a dollar short is worse."
"I am not a great programmer; I am only a good programmer with great habits."
"The best way to predict the future is to create it. Unless it’s a bad project; then you might want to consider different options."
"You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do."
"Meetings are a practical alternative to work."
"Nothing is ever built on time or within budget."
"If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough."
"Never confuse activity with progress."
"A project manager’s favorite exercise? Running around in circles!"
"Plans are worthless, but planning is everything."
"There’s no such thing as a perfect project, just one that is at the right level of chaos."
"It doesn’t matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. Unless your project is behind schedule, then you may want to speed up."
"A project manager's best friend is the delete button."
"Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction."
"I’m not a procrastinator. I’m just extremely patient."
"Out of clutter, find simplicity."
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