112 result(s) for Sarcasm Quotes.
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you."
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ."
"I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you."
"I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
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"Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze."
"You're not stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking."
"I'd agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I can resist anything but temptation."
"I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome!"
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway."
"I’m not a bad guy. I’m just a caricature of a decent man."
"I didn’t know what to say, so I decided to take a nap. It seemed like the best option."
"I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
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"You bring everyone so much joy... when you leave the room."
"The sooner you stop trying to make everyone happy, the happier you’ll be."
"I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you."
"I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you."
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"I thought I had a handle on reality, but I can't find the handle."
"You're proof that even evolution makes mistakes."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I’m not mad at you; I’m just disappointed that you turned out to be a source of constant irritation."
"I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right."
"I have plenty of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck."
"I’m not sure how many problems I have, but math is definitely one of them."
"If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet."
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"I wish I had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I would be broke."
"I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you."
"You're as useless as the 'ueue' in 'queue'."
"Some days, I ignite my own sarcasm just to feel alive."
"I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works."
"You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room."
"You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, 'Not now.'"
"I would explain it to you, but it's a little above your pay grade."
"I don’t see how a world without wrinkles would make us any happier."
"I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you."
"Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it."
"The only people who get upset about sarcasm are the ones who don't understand it."
"Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious issues."
"I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong."
"I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"I’m not always sarcastic; sometimes I’m sleeping."
"I have the memory of a goldfish, except for the sarcasm part."
"Sure, I’ll help you out the door."
"I can't wait to hear your thoughts on that. Just don't make me wait too long."
"I'd explain it to you but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home."
"If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d be broke."
"You're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think 'not now.'"
"Thank you for your input. I’ll consider it completely irrelevant."
"I’m multi-talented: I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once."
"The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list."
"I am on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I can't help but notice that I'm not wearing any pants."
"I'm on the patch right now, getting ready to go back to reality."
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"If I had a dollar for every time I had to listen to your nonsense, I’d be dead broke."
"I’m not sure what makes you so dumb, but it really works."
"I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them."
"I am not a complete idiot; some parts are missing."
"Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I’m interested."
"I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"I don’t know what makes you so cute, but it must be something outside of your face."
"It's not that I'm so smart; it's just that I stay with problems longer."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
"I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals; I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I have a joke about sarcasm, but you'll probably not get it."
"I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence."
"I’m not being sarcastic. I’m just genuinely trying to think why you would think that."
"If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart."
"There's a fine line between sarcasm and verbal assault."
"Don't worry, the haters are just confused admirers."
"I’m not a sarcastic person; I’m just witty."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. Just kidding. I’m on a diet… or am I?"
"I’m not being rude, I just don’t care."
"Sure, I’d love to hear your opinion. Just not right now."
"Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?"
"You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room."
"I’m not lazy. I’m just conserving energy."
"I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I’m sleeping."
"I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home."
"I’ve got a mind like a steel trap. It’s rusted shut."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I’m not bossy. I just have better ideas."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"I’m not sarcastic. I’m just really, really funny."
"I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"I would explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons left."
"I used to care, but now I take a pill for that."
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