114 result(s) for Funny Valentine’s Quotes.
"I love you more than pizza, but please don’t make me prove it."
"Valentine’s Day: the one day a year you can buy a card that says 'I love you' to someone you've been too lazy to tell the rest of the year."
"On Valentine’s Day, you should tell the one you love how you feel—unless it's your bank teller."
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m not good at poetry, I’m just really into you."
"Love is sharing your popcorn. Even when you know they’re going to eat all of it."
"If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. But you can probably handle me at my weirdest."
"You can’t put a price on love, but you can on my Valentine’s gift, and that’s a start."
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"I’m allergic to love. It gives me hives."
"I love you more than I love my morning coffee. And that’s saying a lot!"
"Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there."
"Love is not just about being together; it’s about pretending you’re going to do the dishes."
"You’re the peanut butter to my jelly, and the reason behind my eye rolls."
"In the game of love, I am like basketball; I always shoot my shot."
"I love you more than Kanye loves Kanye."
"Be careful with your heart. It’s like a balloon; even the slightest prick can cause it to burst, and then you’ll be left with a mess to clean up."
"Valentine’s Day is the only day where you can send someone a present for only loving you back, but I prefer my gifts to be unprovoked."
"Love is when you realize that you both have the same weirdness."
"I could tell you I love you all day long, but then I’d totally run out of things to talk about."
"My love for you is like a high tide; it just keeps on coming back."
"If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Except when it comes to leaving dirty dishes in the sink."
"You make me feel like a million bucks. In Monopoly money."
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"I'd walk a mile in your shoes, but then I wouldn't have any shoes."
"My love for you is like a broken pencil... pointless."
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m terrible at poetry, but I still love you."
"You're the cheese to my macaroni."
"I love you more than coffee, but please don't make me prove it."
"Valentine's Day is the day that the chocolates go on sale the day after."
"I’d give you a heart, but I’m afraid it might stop beating."
"Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying if they get there safely."
"You’re the one I want to annoy for the rest of my life."
"You're so sweet, you make sugar look like salt."
"If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘cute-cumber’!"
"We go together like copy and paste."
"You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life."
"You must be made of copper and tellurium because you’re Cu-Te."
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"Life without you is like a broken pencil… pointless."
"It's Valentine's Day? I thought it was National Get Fat Day."
"You're my favorite distraction."
"You must be made of bologna, because I can’t get enough of you."
"If you don't want to see me, I understand. But if you want to see me, take away my phone."
"You’re my cup of tea, but I like it with a bit of sugar!"
"I was blinded by your beauty... I’m going to need your name and number for insurance purposes."
"You’re the sprinkles on my ice cream."
"I love you more than pizza, but please don't make me prove it."
"Love is sharing your popcorn. Especially the buttered kind."
"Valentine's Day: the only day you can buy a card with a heart on it and not feel guilty about it."
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one’s for you!"
"I thought I was going to be single for the rest of my life, but then I met you. Now I’m just going to be partially crazy for the rest of my life."
"Love is sharing your last slice of pizza. Or at least offering it."
"Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a big mistake they made."
"The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once."
"Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband."
"I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it."
"I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"Valentine's Day: The one day a year you're allowed to tell the person you love that they smell funny."
"I have a date tonight. It’s with my couch, and it involves a series of Netflix episodes."
"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"
"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. After that, he’s finished."
"You’re my favorite distraction."
"I'm in love with you and all your little things."
"Love is all you need. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."
"I love you with all my butt. I would say my heart, but my butt is bigger."
"If you think my heart is made of stone, you should see the rock I bought you for Valentine’s Day."
"You are the mayonnaise to my sandwich."
"Love is a two-way street, but sometimes one of you forgets to turn their blinker on."
"Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap."
"I love you more than chocolate. And that’s saying a lot."
"Valentine's Day is a reminder that I can be alone in a crowd."
"I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to pay for her Valentine’s Day dinner."
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
"I love you even when I’m hungry."
"You’re the peanut butter to my jelly."
"You had me at ‘I’m going to buy you pizza.’"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead; the sugar bowl's empty, and so is my head."
"You’re like a dictionary; you add meaning to my life."
"I thought I was an adult until I saw my Valentine’s gift."
"Love may be blind, but friendship is a real eye-opener."
"I love you but I can't think of a good reason to nuzzle you now."
"We go together like coffee and donuts."
"Valentine's Day is just another day to express your love – on the internet."
"Cupid called; he wants to know if you're still there."
"You must be made of copper and tellurium because you're Cu-Te."
"If love is like a fart, then you're the loudest one in the room."
"My love for you is like an endless loop – it just keeps going and going!"
"I’m homemade and you’re store-bought, but together we make one crazy pie."
"You had me at hello, and then I realized you weren't as cool as I thought."
"I’m lucky you’re not a cat because I’d be all out of nine lives by now."
"Together we are an unstoppable force – of laughter, and oh boy, do we laugh!"
"We’re like two peas in a romantic pod that occasionally farts."
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
"I love you more than chocolate, but please don’t make me prove it."
"I was in love with you before I met you."
"Love is being stupid together."
"If you’re single, Valentine’s Day is a reminder that you’re still single."
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one’s for you."
"Valentine’s Day: The day we celebrate love by eating chocolates, heart-shaped pizzas, and losing our dignity."
"I love you more than I love pizza, and that's saying a lot!"
"Cupid is just a little angel getting people to do things they’ll eventually regret."
"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger."
"It's better to be single with a friend than married to an enemy."
"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
"I didn’t choose you. My heart did, and it also has terrible taste."
"You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
"To me, you are perfect, even though you are a ridiculous mess."
"One day, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else — and they will also annoy you endlessly."
"A happy couple is just a scared couple who got lucky."
"I love you like a fat kid loves cake."
"Love is blind, but the neighbors ain't."
"I knew I loved you before I met you. I just didn’t know I’d also have to deal with your snoring."
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
"I love you like a squirrel loves nuts."
"Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one."
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