88 result(s) for Funny Thanksgiving Quotes.
"I'm looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family."
"It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds."
"Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise their cholesterol."
"Thanksgiving is America's favorite holiday because it's a time when we put aside our cares, much as the struggling Pilgrims did nearly four centuries ago, and eat a gut-busting meal without worrying about the 'out years'."
"I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual."
"Thanksgiving is a time when the world gets to see just how blessed and how workable the Christian system is. The emphasis is not on giving, or buying, but on being thankful and expressing that appreciation to God and to one another."
"My cooking is so bad, my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
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"On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment - halftime."
"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings."
"Thanksgiving, to be truly Thanksgiving, is first thanks, then giving."
"Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving."
"Thanksgiving dinners are why I'm so looking forward to Christmas leftovers."
"Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home."
"I like football. I find it's an exciting strategic game. It's a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving."
"May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey plump, may your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!"
"I'm thankful for elastic waistbands this Thanksgiving."
"May your pants be stretchy, your turkey be moist, and your family be grateful."
"I’m looking forward to a nice, relaxing Thanksgiving spent yelling at family members who don’t agree with me."
"Thanksgiving dinner is a time for families to come together – and remember why they don’t do this every day."
"I’m grateful for the pumpkin pie that reminds me why I only eat it once a year."
"I’m just here for the pie."
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"Thanksgiving is the day people wait for all year to get mad about stuffing."
"I’m thankful for every overcrowded table and bursted button this Thanksgiving."
"I’m thankful for wine because let’s be real, I need it to get through Thanksgiving dinner."
"I’m thankful for a colorful mix of burned and undercooked dishes this Thanksgiving."
"This Thanksgiving, let’s be grateful we don’t have to sit at the kids' table anymore… unless we want to."
"When my mom asks if I'm helping with Thanksgiving dinner, I tell her I'm on pie patrol."
"May your turkey be moist and may your family discussions be civil... or at least entertaining."
"I am thankful for a family that can make even the most dysfunctional TV families look normal."
"This Thanksgiving, let's be grateful for the one time of year we can stuff our faces without judgment."
"I’m thankful for the family and friends who fill my heart… and my plate on Thanksgiving."
"Thanksgiving: when leftovers are the best part of the feast."
"I’m thankful for not having to explain why I’m still single at Thanksgiving dinner this year."
"Thanksgiving calories don't count... right?"
"Thanksgiving is like the Super Bowl of eating. Let’s do this!"
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"I’m grateful for the relatives who always remind me that my life could be more chaotic."
"I'm thankful for Thanksgiving - the one day a year where I can eat with no judgment."
"This Thanksgiving, let's be grateful for the chance to eat until we feel like the stuffed turkey."
"I'm grateful for the moments of peace and quiet after the chaos of Thanksgiving dinner."
"Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
"I'm looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than certain relatives."
"Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out."
"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
"I’m easy to shop for on Thanksgiving. Leftovers please. The cheaper the better - I need to stock up on Christmas gifts."
"Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence."
"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out."
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day."
"Thanksgiving just gets me all warm and tingly and all kinds of wonderful inside."
"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami...someone needs to tell the turkeys, 'Man, just be yourself.'"
"The real story of Thanksgiving is a pretty sad one. The Indians did help us out the first winter. But by the second winter, they had abandoned the pilgrims."
"Thanksgiving is America's favorite holiday because it's a time when we put aside our cares, much as the struggling Pilgrims did nearly four centuries ago, and eat a gut-busting meal without worrying about the 'out years'; the day is built around counting blessings, not numbers."
"Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."
"Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year."
"Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'"
"I'm from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I'm American, so when I say word 'more,' of course I mean 'better.'"
"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is too often."
"Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants."
"That's just my turkey face. Just a little sleepy; not drunk at all."
"Thanksgiving is a time to renew relationships with family and friends - but not all in the same dinner."
"Thanksgiving is the meal we aspire for other meals to resemble."
"Thanksgiving is an opportunity to share unique traditions with family and experience timeless, heartwarming moments - and dodging political discussions at all costs."
"Thanksgiving Day is a good day to recommit our energies to giving thanks and just giving."
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage."
"I'm looking forward to a nice, relaxing Thanksgiving - just me, my stretchy pants, and a whole lot of leftovers."
"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."
"I'm thankful for elastic waistbands."
"I'm just here for the pie."
"The only thing getting 'lit' this Thanksgiving are my fall-scented candles."
"I'm all about that baste, 'bout that baste, no treble."
"I'm grateful for family, friends, and a fridge full of Thanksgiving leftovers."
"Being a family means you are a part of something wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life, no matter what."
"Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence."
"I'm thankful for food, family, and a good sense of humor - especially when Uncle Bob starts telling those old jokes again."
"I'm not a chef, I just play one on Thanksgiving."
"Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863."
"I may be full, but there's always room for one more piece of pie."
"If you need me, I'll be in a turkey-induced coma on the couch."
"On Thanksgiving, we all gather around the table to eat too much and avoid talking politics. It's a beautiful thing."
"I'm thankful for my wallet getting thinner while my waistband gets bigger."
"I'm just here for the sides."
"Some people are just gravy boats in the river of life."
"I'm grateful for a family that can laugh together even when the turkey is a little overcooked."
"I can't cook a turkey, but I sure can eat one."
"Instead of delicious turkey, I'm here for the awkward family interactions."
"Thanksgiving is the one time of year I don't mind being outnumbered by side dishes."
"When life gives you lemons, trade them for pie."
"Thanksgiving is the day we count our blessings - and our calories."
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