60 result(s) for Funny Quotes From The Office.
"It's not a pyramid scheme. It's a reverse funnel system."
"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"The worst thing about prison was the... was the Dementors."
"I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good."
"Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."
"I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."
"If I don't have some cake soon, I might die."
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"That is a $200 plasma screen TV you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe!"
"I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn't even work here."
"I have very little patience for stupidity."
"I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted."
"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"
"I am fast. To give you a reference point, I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose... and a panther."
"I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday."
"I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat."
"I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out."
"I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible."
"I'm not a hero. I'm a high-functioning sociopath."
"I'm not generally known for my physical comedy."
"I'm an enigma wrapped in a riddle and cash."
"I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?... I really can't say, but yes."
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"I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream."
"I'm always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs."
"I think that pretty much sums it up. I found it at Spencer Gifts."
"You only live once? False. You live every day. You only die once."
"Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or... or where you've been. Ever. For any reason, whatsoever."
"You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky"
"Dwight, you ignorant slut!"
"I am Beyoncé, always."
"I am totally gonna bang Holly."
"I took Ryan to the hospital for heatstroke. And while I was there, I got a blood test for rabies. Not because of Ryan, but because of a bat I found in the parking lot. It bit me."
"I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious."
"It’s simply beyond words. It’s incalculacuble. Inestimable. Indivisible."
"Comedy is part of my life. I have avenues to do my stuff."
"Do I hate being wise? Do I amuse myself with cynicism? Yeah, and I love it."
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"It pays to be honest, but it’s slow pay and long hours."
"Life is just life, and all I can do is just be life-like."
"That's what she said."
"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."
"I declare bankruptcy!"
"I'm an early bird and a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms."
"I have flaws. What are they? I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car."
"If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky"
"I'm not a hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time, just like everyone else."
"I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me."
"Did I stutter?"
"That's what she said and that's also what she said."
"I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs."
"I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them."
"Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way."
"You know what they say, fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three."
"I'm not a big fan of the HR rep."
"I'm faster than 80% of all snakes."
"I am ready to face any challenge that might be foolish enough to face me."
"I am Beyonce, always."
"There's too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague."
"I volunteer as tribute."
"Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."
"How do you balance the curse of awesome?"
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