130 result(s) for Funny Quotes From Texas.
"I once told a Texas state trooper I was lost. He asked me how I got lost. I told him I was talking to a Texas man, and he told me I was running late."
"In Texas, we hold our head high and our standards higher."
"I think the hardest thing about being a parent is that you never stop being a parent. I love Texas, but I can’t imagine my kids trying to learn about the state via the school cafeteria menu."
"I’m not saying I’m a great driver, but I’ve gotten lost in 22 different counties in Texas, and I still find my way home."
"As long as there’s a Texas, there’ll be an opportunity to make fun of Texas."
"You can take the boy out of Texas, but you can’t take Texas out of the boy. You can, however, take him out of the tractor."
"In Texas, we have two seasons: summer and ‘not summer.’"
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"Texans don’t need an excuse to throw a party. We’ll celebrate anything—especially if it comes with barbecue."
"If you’re going to fight, fight like you’re from Texas."
"They say everything's bigger in Texas, including our opinions."
"Texas is the only state that has the right to fly its state flag at the same height as the American flag. Just don’t ask us to compromise on our nachos."
"In Texas, if you don’t like the weather, wait about 15 minutes. It might not change, but at least you’ll be amused."
"Texas: where we use ‘y’all’ in serious conversation and ‘all y’all’ for emphasis."
"There's something about Texas that allows you to think you're the best at everything, even when you're not!"
"In Texas, we don’t just make lemonade out of lemons; we make margaritas out of them!"
"Life is like a Texas BBQ—full of flavor and sometimes messy."
"You can tell a lot about a person by how they take their coffee. In Texas, we like it strong, bold, and preferably paired with breakfast tacos."
"When it comes to Texas, I feel a little like a mosquito at a nudist colony: I know what to do, I just don’t know where to start."
"If you think the noise is bad now, just wait until everyone starts talking about football season in Texas."
"Texans have a wonderful ability to make any situation more fun with a good story and some laughter."
"Here in Texas, we don’t do ‘small talk.’ It’s always ‘big talk’ about big dreams and bigger steaks."
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"In the Texas heat, I’ve learned two important lessons: always carry water and never trust anyone who can’t appreciate a good cowboy hat."
"If you can’t find Texas in a map, just follow the trail of barbecue and loud laughter."
"The only time Texans stand still is for a barbecue. Otherwise, we’re full speed ahead."
"We may be a big state, but we’re also a united state when it comes to our love for bluebonnets and two-stepping."
"In Texas, the only thing we take seriously is our nacho cheese recipe."
"In Texas, we have a saying: if you don’t feel good about yourself … don’t worry, you can always just move to a bigger house."
"You can take the boy out of Texas, but you can't take the Texas out of the boy."
"The Texas summer is like a sauna, but without all the relaxing benefits."
"Going to a Texas barbecue is like attending a family reunion, only with burnt meat."
"Texas is the only state where the wind can knock the nuts off a squirrel."
"I got a dog, and my Texas friend said, 'You know the best part about a dog? They don’t talk back!' I said, 'Yeah, but they have terrible opinions on politics.'"
"We take our coffee black and our humor deep fryed, here in Texas."
"In Texas, a gentleman is someone who knows how to play the accordion but doesn’t."
"When I was a kid, my father used to tell me to dream big. Now I’m in Texas, and my neighbor is building a helicopter."
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"In Texas, we believe in making our own luck, especially if it involves brisket."
"You know you’re in Texas when you can have a barbecue and a rodeo in the same day, and still complain about the weather."
"Texans are like a big family reunion that never ends – especially if a BBQ is involved!"
"I love Texas, but if it got any hotter, I might start using my ice cubes as a beauty product."
"You haven’t lived until you’ve set foot in a Texas diner at 2 AM after a long night of dancing."
"'Everything is bigger in Texas' includes the tales we tell our kids!"
"A Texan and a New Yorker are arguing about whose city is tougher. The New Yorker says, 'My city could survive anything!' The Texan replies, 'Well, try surviving a summer without your air conditioning.'"
"In Texas, there are two seasons: summer and a little less summer."
"Even the mosquitoes in Texas are bigger and have a better sense of humor."
"Texas is like a relationship; it has its ups and downs, but you just can’t help but love the craziness of it all."
"Just remember, when you’re in Texas, a barbecue is a competitive sport."
"In Texas, a friendly wave can mean anything from ‘Hello’ to ‘I just ran out of gas.’"
"If there’s one thing a Texan knows, it’s that every problem can be solved with a good question: 'Where’s the nearest BBQ joint?'"
"The best part about being in Texas is that even if you forget your manners, people will still lend you a hand – and make fun of you while they do it."
"I went to a Texas wedding and they served BBQ during the ceremony. That’s when I knew I’d found my people."
"There’s nothing more dangerous than a Texan with a sense of humor and a BBQ grill."
"Everything is bigger in Texas, including the sense of humor."
"In Texas, we don't just have BBQ. We have a BBQ culture. It’s as serious as religion."
"If you don't like the weather in Texas, wait a minute. It will change."
"The best part of living in Texas is that you can be a cowboy all year long."
"I love Texas; it's a whole lot of country with a touch of city slicker."
"You know you're from Texas when you have to double-knot your shoelaces to keep them from blowing away."
"Texans don't need an excuse to party, but we sure as hell will find one."
"If you get lost in Texas, just stop and ask for directions—nobody will be able to help you, but they’ll sure give you a story!"
"If Texas were a country, we’d all be happier than we are now."
"When it rains in Texas, it pours—give it a couple of hours, and you'll either need a boat or sunscreen."
"A Texan's least favorite vegetable is the 'wet blanket.'"
"Texas: where the cows outnumber the people, but the jokes outnumber them both."
"You can take the boy out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the boy; unless he's forgotten his boots."
"In Texas, we don't eat meals; we create feasts."
"I love the smell of Texas barbecue in the morning. It smells like victory!"
"Only in Texas can you get in an argument over whether brisket or ribs is king."
"Texans are born with a sense of humor; it's the humidity that makes it funny."
"Why did the chicken cross the road in Texas? To get to the other side 'before supper!' "
"Texans can turn any occasion into a reason to throw a barbecue."
"A Texas State of Mind: larger than life, and always laughing."
"In Texas, you don't just have neighbors; you have back-yard comedians!"
"In Texas, there's no such thing as an 'off-season' for fishing or storytelling."
"In Texas, twangy country music is a national anthem for our sense of humor."
"The only thing more unpredictable than Texas weather is a Texas-sized joke."
"Everything's big in Texas, including the punchlines."
"You know you're in Texas when the wind is as strong as the punchlines of your favorite comedian."
"If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty."
"I'm not just a member of the team; I'm also the teams' biggest fan, even if I sometimes cheer with a little too much emphasis."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"In Texas, we don't just eat food; we celebrate it."
"Growing up in Texas, I was taught that manners are important and not to say the word 'ain't', unless you're talking about a family of skunks."
"I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken."
"If you can’t be good, be good at it!."
"I’m just a girl standing in front of a salad asking it to be a donut."
"Everything is bigger in Texas, including the jokes!"
"Texans are where the average IQ is 150, but it drops to 75 when you cross the border into California."
"You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the girl."
"I don't know what the future holds, but I know it will be big, bold, and probably a little bit ridiculous."
"Why do cowboys always pay so much attention to their horses? Because they can’t go on a date with them!"
"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers. Unless they're in Texas, because then it’s just 'Hot' and 'Kinda Hot'."
"I would choose the right over the rather wrong! And that’s a Texas saying twice over!"
"I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list. Starting with Texas!"
"Everything is bigger in Texas, which is great until you try to squeeze into a pair of skinny jeans."
"I'm Texan, and we don't have one-liners; we have 100-mile-long stories!"
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I say it's a chili cook-off in Texas."
"Never trust a skinny chef, especially if they’re from Texas!"
"Why did the Texas farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
"My Texas accent is one of the few things I was able to bring back to California from my last vacation."
"I love Texas, but visiting the grocery store there: it’s like going on a safari!"
"Texans have two seasons: BBQ season and football season."
"Don't mess with Texas, unless you bring a sense of humor!"
"In Texas, we eat what we grow, unless it’s a bad joke!"
"I came to Texas to escape the traffic, and then I realized that I just traded it for long lines at the BBQ."
"Everything's bigger in Texas, including the egos."
"I'm not from Texas, but I got here as fast as I could."
"In Texas, we have a saying: 'If it ain't raining, we ain't trainin.'"
"Texas has a tight grip on what it means to be independent. It’s a miracle we even share the country."
"A Texan outside of Texas is a foreign tourist."
"You might be a redneck if your favorite holiday is Texas Independence Day."
"The only thing that can’t be replaced in Texas is a good taco truck."
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I’ve been all over the world, and I can tell you that they don’t have BBQ like we do in Texas."
"God made Texas, and then he rested."
"I'm so Texan, I can hear the cattle call from three counties away."
"Texans don’t apologize for being proud of where they come from."
"In Texas, there's a fine line between a cowboy and a cowpoke."
"Texas is the only place where you can be at a barbecue and a funeral at the same time."
"You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can’t take Texas out of the girl."
"In Texas, ‘going out’ means going out to your backyard to grill."
"When in doubt, wear a ten-gallon hat."
"The six-shooter was invented in Texas – and thank goodness for that!"
"Texans have a phrase: 'Don’t mess with Texas.' I think that explains a lot."
"In Texas, giving directions usually sounds something like: 'Just past the big tree, next to the barn. You can't miss it.'"
"You may live in a small town in Texas, but you can still dream big."
"We say 'y'all' in Texas because 'you guys' is just too formal."
"If you can't fry it or grill it, we don’t want it."
"In Texas, we don’t wear boots because they look cool; we wear them because they work."
"The only reason we don’t walk our horses to school is because they’re too busy enjoying the fields."
"It takes a lot of money to look this cheap in Texas."
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