105 result(s) for Funny Santa Quotes.
"I love Santa! He's the only guy who can go into a chimney, leave presents, and get away without being arrested!"
"Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Well, most of it. Okay, a few months. Never mind, I’ll buy my own presents."
"I told Santa what I wanted for Christmas, but now I can’t remember what I said. So, I guess I’ll just have to wait and see!"
"You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger."
"Santa was a man of many talents. He had to fit into every child's imagination – and every chimney!"
"It's the most wonderful time of the year... for Santa to check his Instagram!"
"The older I get, the more I believe in Santa Claus. He gives me hope that there are still good things in the world."
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"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, and I have to say, it was a pretty awkward moment!"
"Santa doesn't bring gifts to the naughty kids; he brings them lessons in humility."
"What do you call a cat on the beach during Christmas time? Sandy Claws!"
"Santa has a toy for every good child - but I’m still waiting on my 'good' label!"
"It’s not what’s under the Christmas tree that matters, it’s who’s around it... and how many cookies Santa can eat!"
"Santa's a busy man; he doesn’t have time to see who’s been naughty or nice. He’s just hoping for a good Wi-Fi connection!"
"Why did Santa go to music school? Because he wanted to improve his wrapping skills!"
"Behind every great man, there’s a Santa who knows what he’s doing!"
"What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!"
"I just found out Santa isn’t real. Guess I’ll have to wait another year to get my gift!"
"Santa sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. But mostly, he knows when there's milk and cookies!"
"I don’t believe in Santa, but I do believe in Santa's cookies!"
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear, unless your Santa has a bad voice!"
"You can't get on Santa's nice list without a sense of humor—just look at his outfit!"
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"Santa's sleigh is proof that he’s not afraid of getting a little 'lifted'."
"I heard Santa Claus is buried in the North Pole. I guess he finally took vacation!"
"I asked Santa for a bag of chips, and he delivered it in a snowstorm. That's dedication!"
"The only thing cooler than Santa? A Santa who loves dad jokes!"
"I told Santa you were good this year and he hasn't stopped laughing since."
"Dear Santa, I want a fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix those up like you did last year."
"I'm not sure if Santa is real, but I know that my mom definitely is not impressed with what I want for Christmas."
"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, but it was Dad in a red suit."
"Santa is the only guy who can stand up in a chimney and not come out dirty. What’s his secret?"
"You better watch out! You better not cry! You better not pout, I’m telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town…and he’s not happy!"
"Santa, define 'good' again."
"I think Santa's a lot like a fairy tale. He continues to exist, because you want him to."
"Nothing says 'Holidays' like a cheese log."
"I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!"
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"Santa, I’ve been good all year long. Well, most of the year. Well, once in a while. Okay, fine, I’ll be good starting now."
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. Unless you sound like a dying cat."
"There are 2 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t. Santa only counts the good kids."
"It’s the most wonderful time of the year – unless you’re a Christmas tree."
"Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho!"
"Santa Claus: the ultimate procrastinator. Always comes at the last minute!"
"I'm getting a job as a Santa Claus this Christmas. Actually, I'm getting a job as Santa Claus every Christmas."
"If you see Santa with a drink in hand, just know he's decompressing from a long night!"
"Why was Santa’s helper depressed? He had low ‘elf’ esteem."
"I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month."
"Santa’s sleigh runs on cookies and milk, and I’m here for the snack!"
"I always thought the best way to celebrate Christmas was with joy and laughter… then I met Santa."
"The biggest haul of Santa’s life involved no sleigh, just a very generous bag of toys!"
"I'm going to be 'deer' in headlights this Christmas."
"Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own gifts."
"I told Santa you were good this year, but he seemed to have a different list!"
"I’m not saying I’m Santa, but I can take a picture with my beard and sleigh."
"My favorite part of Christmas is when Santa comes to town and gives me all the credit for being nice."
"You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger."
"Santa sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake! Or else!"
"I thought I had a handle on Santa, but I keep surprising myself every year!"
"Santa, I've been a very naughty girl this year. Can I get a bonus?"
"I want to be on the naughty list. It sounds like more fun."
"Santa must be an optimist. He makes a list, checks it twice, and still believes there is a chance you can be good!"
"Who needs a gym when you can chase Santa's sleigh in the snow?"
"Santa, happy holidays! I forgot to mention that I like “Do Not Disturb” signs in my stocking."
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear... and to bribe Santa with cookies!"
"I’d like to be the reason Santa has a sad face."
"There’s no Christmas without a little humor—just ask Santa!"
"Santa's helpers are just a bunch of subordinate clauses."
"What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause!"
"Santa may be jolly, but he’s my spirit animal all year long!"
"If you see Santa Claus this year, offer him a drink! He deserves it!"
"I don’t need a Santa. I’ve got my own cutie pie to jingle my bells!"
"What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!"
"Forget the nice list; make me a naughty list and I’ll bring cookies!"
"Santa is real. He is just socially distancing."
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year."
"I told Santa I wanted a cool car and a hot girlfriend. He brought me a cool car and a girlfriend who’s hot!"
"The only thing I want for Christmas is for my credit card bill to be paid off. Is that too much to ask for, Santa?"
"Dear Santa, I can explain."
"Hey Santa, I just wanted to remind you that I'm still waiting for my license to kill!"
"Santa Claus: the original hipster."
"I hope Santa’s naughty list is full of people who would never even think of giving up cookies."
"When I was a kid, I believed in Santa Claus. My friends didn’t. I didn’t believe in my friends."
"I’m Santa Claus, what do you expect? A no-fun policy? Ho, ho, ho!"
"Dear Santa, I can explain! I said ‘I want a pony’ not a ‘realistic horse sculpture!’"
"I told Santa I wanted a puppy, but I guess a lump of coal is classic too!"
"Santa sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. So, he’s basically like a nifty little stalker."
"I’m not saying I’m Santa, but I’m just saying that I can access the North Pole on Google Maps!"
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year!"
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch, and it’s best enjoyed with milk and cookies for Santa."
"I thought I was a bad person until I realized that Santa is also on the naughty list!"
"There's a fine line between Santa and a shopping mall Santa. Especially on Christmas Eve."
"Why does Santa go down chimneys on Christmas Eve? Because it soot’s him!"
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"If you don’t believe, you won’t receive. So keep that Santa magic alive!"
"Santa's elves are the original 'work from home' employees."
"I’ll bet Santa’s double-checking that list this year—who knew a pandemic would make naughty look so good!"
"Santa, bring me a sandwich—preferably not from that guy on the corner with the food truck!"
"Every time I see Santa, he reminds me to watch my diet. Ho, ho, ho means watch-out for the doughnuts!"
"I heard Santa’s not the only one who gets a little too merry with the cookies!"
"You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger!"
"I don’t have a naughty list, I just have a list of kids who like eating their veggies!"
"The first rule of Santa Club is: You do not talk about Santa Club. The second rule: No naughty kids allowed!"
"When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are gonna be right about Santa when they find out there’s no way I could afford all the gifts."
"What I really want for Christmas is for Santa to deflate my belly, not the inflatable Santa in my yard!"
"Santa’s sleigh transactions are the original ‘PayPal’ of gift-giving."
"If I had to describe Santa in one word, it’d be ‘generous.’ In three words? 'Bring on cookies!'"
"We're all on this planet together. It’s really Santa’s job to keep it merry!"
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