128 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Guns.
"I’m not saying I’m the best shot, but I can hit a target a mile away with my eyes closed. It’s just much harder to stand still that long!"
"A gun is like a parachute; if you need one, and don’t have one, you’ll probably never need one again."
"I don’t have a gun problem. I have a people problem."
"The only thing more dangerous than a gun is a well-meaning idiot with a gun."
"Guns don’t kill people, but they sure do help."
"I wanted to become a gunslinger, but all I ended up being was a trigger puller."
"Some people are like guns. They have a firing pin, but they just don’t know how to use it."
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"Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you… and that you shouldn’t be armed."
"If you think I’m dangerous with a pen, wait until you see me with a gun!"
"I carry a firearm because a cop is too heavy."
"I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one!"
"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. Why did I win the gunfight? Because I was outstanding at not getting shot."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it, 'lunge and crunch!'"
"There's a fine line between a hobby and mental illness. And that line is often marked by the number of guns in your collection."
"Why did the zombie need a gun? Because he couldn't shoot straight!"
"I just love the smell of gunpowder in the morning. It smells like… victory and bad decisions!"
"Remember, the only time you should be scared of a gun is when you’re trying to open it!"
"I took a speed reading course and now I can read a gun magazine in 30 seconds."
"They say don't bring a knife to a gunfight. I say, bring a napkin for all the fun."
"There's nothing wrong with being a gun enthusiast – as long as you're prepared for the ‘enthusiasm’ to be misplaced!"
"Just like my favorite old revolver, I’m a little rusty but still aiming for success!"
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"I've got a new motto: 'Guns don't kill people; bullets do.'"
"Some days you’re the hammer, and others you’re the nail; I’m just trying to avoid gunplay either way!"
"Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks… why do I have guns? To cover my behind!"
"Remember: Friends don't let friends go to a gunfight without backup. Make sure you have a buddy when practicing!"
"I’m not a gun nut. I’m a gun enthusiast. It’s a whole different thing."
"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. And the only thing that stops a good guy with a gun is a bad joke."
"I only carry a gun because I can’t carry a cop."
"Guns don’t kill people. People who don’t want to be funny kill people!"
"My favorite weapon is my pen. And that’s only because I can’t shoot it."
"I asked my friend if he wanted to go to a shooting range. He said, 'Only if I can bring my sense of humor!'"
"The only thing more dangerous than a gun is a jokester who has one."
"I like my guns like I like my jokes: loud and a little bit reckless."
"If you can’t laugh about guns, you’re not holding them right."
"A gun is like a joke. It’s only funny if it doesn’t backfire."
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"My favorite gun is an unloaded one because it means the joke’s on everyone else!"
"I wouldn’t say guns and jokes are the same, but both can shoot straight to the punchline."
"A good joke can be like a gun—it can go right over your head."
"If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have comedy shows."
"Why did the gun get invited to every party? Because it always had the best punchlines."
"I told my gun a joke. Now it won’t stop laughing—guess it’s just too loaded!"
"You can’t keep a straight face when you’re holding a gun and a joke at the same time."
"In my house, my guns are always loaded—with humor!"
"Tell a funny gun joke, and things might get a little explosive!"
"The secret to a good gun joke is timing—just like you can't be too late to pull the trigger."
"A well-timed joke can be the best bullet—sharp and right to the point!"
"When life gives you guns, make sure you have some good jokes to go along with them!"
"Sometimes I think my gun is a comedian. It cracks me up every time I aim it!"
"You know your joke is good when it has the power of a gun!"
"Guns and laughs keep people on their toes—but only one should fire!"
"When guns are outlawed, the laughs will still be in-style."
"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun."
"I'm not a gun nut. I'm just a guy who thinks that guns are a lot of fun to shoot."
"Guns don't kill people; people kill people. But in a lot of cases, they tend to use guns."
"I believe in the right to keep and bear arms, but I also believe in the right to aim and fire."
"A gun is like a parachute. If you need one and don’t have one, you’ll probably never need one again."
"I don’t own a gun, but I think I would if I had to."
"I couldn’t think of anything funny to say about guns, so I’m just going to arm you with the truth."
"One day the government will realize that a man with a gun is not a maniac; he’s just trying to protect his home and family."
"A gun is a tool, a good man or a bad man can use it. It all depends on who is holding it."
"I'm all for gun control. I think every gun owner should have a good guide to controlling their guns!"
"Some say that guns aren't necessary for hunting, but I'll tell you what, a good joke can’t feed your family!"
"If I had a dollar for every time I heard a gun joke, I could probably buy myself a gun."
"A man with a gun is like a man with a joke; you never know when it’s going to hit someone."
"Guns are like performance enhancers—they make everything a little bit crazier."
"I feel safer when everyone has a gun. It's like a bad horror movie where everyone has a bad guy's weapon."
"A gun every day keeps the bad guys away... or at least makes for a good punchline!"
"Gun control means using both hands."
"What’s the difference between a gun and a bad comedian? One you want to stay away from, and the other is a joke gone wrong."
"I've got two guns for protection: my wits and my sense of humor."
"They say don’t bring a knife to a gun fight, but what if you just want a split second of hilarity?"
"I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six... but I'd prefer a good laugh over both."
"Guns are like jokes; if you have to explain them, you probably have a problem."
"A gun a day keeps the psychiatrist away, or at least makes them run for cover!"
"If guns are outlawed, only the outlaws will tell the best punchlines!"
"Funny how a little lead goes a long way in making people laugh… or scream!"
"I used to think that I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"I had a dream that I was in a gun fight—and I was wearing pajamas."
"A gun is like a parachute; if you need one, and don’t have it, you’ll probably never need it again."
"Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people."
"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a sense of humor."
"I don’t need to shoot; I just have to look at people to make them realize I’m not mad... I’m just waiting."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"The second amendment is a little like a wardrobe malfunction; it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye!"
"Why did the gun cross the road? To get to the other side! Cooperate!"
"When you’re up to your ears in gunpowder, it’s best to keep your head down and laugh."
"I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy!"
"If someone wants to kill you, they’ll get a gun. If someone wants to wrongly imprison you, they can just make you laugh."
"Aim for the stars, and if you miss, you might hit a funny bone."
"I’d give up chocolate, but I’m no quitter. Also, I’d never give up my gun!"
"Nothing like a good protest rant. Next time, hold the sign with one hand and your handgun with the other!"
"A man is like a gun: you can’t just leave it unattended anywhere!"
"I love my gun like a squirrel loves a stash of acorns."
"What’s the difference between me and a gun? Well, one gets a lot of action while the other just sits in a drawer."
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I say it’s a 9mm!"
"Why do I carry a gun? Because sometimes talking things over just doesn’t cut it!"
"If life gives you lemons, trade them for bullets!"
"Zombies, monsters, and general mayhem — what guns were made for!"
"I thought I had a life backup plan, but really it was just a gun!"
"A well-armed society is a humorous society; just wait for them to crack!"
"They say I’m a real pistol... Well, at least I’m not a cap gun!"
"Jokes about guns are like bad jokes at the range; sometimes they hit, and sometimes they don’t!"
"You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a gun, and that’s pretty close."
"Guns don’t kill people; I kill people."
"I don’t have a gun. I don’t have any bullets. But I’m living life on the edge."
"I would never shoot a guy with a guitar. I want to find out what he’s got."
"If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. So I’ll have a gun and be an outlaw."
"I’d like to see the world come together and shoot each other."
"They say that money talks, but it can’t say ‘bang’."
"In a zombie apocalypse, I’d want a gun with unlimited ammo… and maybe a sidekick who can cook."
"I have a gun. I use it to shoot pool."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the guy with the gun!"
"I don’t carry a gun because I’m afraid, I carry a gun because you are!"
"If you’ve never met a gun you didn’t like, you’re doing it wrong."
"The only thing that should shoot in this world is a camera."
"I'm not sure how many tacos I can buy with a bullet, but I'm willing to test it."
"I’m not a gun nut; I’m a gun enthusiast. There’s a difference!"
"Shooting is a serious sport, except when I do it, then it’s comedy."
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I’ve found a good gun always helps too."
"I always get a little gun-shy when it comes to making friends."
"My therapist says I have a problem with firearm-related humor. But look at me now!"
"Guns: because sometimes words just aren’t enough…"
"Two things I love: my gun and my punchlines."
"I brought a knife to a gun fight, and then realized I was delivering catering."
"What do you call a gun that tells jokes? A pun gun."
"Gun control is hitting what you aim at."
"A gun is like a friend; you just need to know when to pull the trigger."
"A loaded gun is a comedian’s best friend."
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