121 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Driving.
"The best car safety device is a rearview mirror with a cop in it."
"You have to be a man to drive a man's car, but you can be a woman to drive a woman's car."
"I told my car to drive itself, but it just sat there and stared at me."
"The roads are made for journeys, not for staying in one spot."
"I can't drive 55!"
"I'm not a bad driver, I just have bad luck when it comes to traffic lights."
"Running late is my cardio."
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"The only thing worse than being a bad driver is being a backseat driver."
"My car and I have a love-hate relationship. It loves to break down, and I hate it."
"If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there."
"A car is not an adventure; it's a means to an adventure."
"I failed my driving test, but I didn't let it drive me crazy."
"This is a strange road; it leads to the nearest gas station and the end of the world."
"I can't believe I just got my license. Don't worry; I’ll still make the same mistakes."
"A driver's license is like a leash on a car. I can still pull and tug, but I'm technically controlled."
"I decided to take my car on a diet; it’s a convertible now."
"I love driving my car through puddles; it's like a mini-roller coaster."
"Whenever possible, I always choose to drive the family car—because it’s the only one that fits all my bad decisions."
"To be a good driver, you need a map—mine happens to be a fantasy world."
"A car is like a mother-in-law; it knows too much about you."
"If you think that you are a bad driver, know that traffic cones appreciate your efforts."
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"Driving is the only time I can get away with being rude and nobody judges me."
"I told my car it was going to die, but it didn’t listen."
"I always give 100%. Unless I’m donating blood."
"There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I present a carbon handprint."
"The trouble with being punctual is that there’s nobody there to appreciate it."
"To be happy, you must be your own driver."
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"A car is like a mother-in-law: If you let it, it will make you take a vacation."
"I hit a deer once, but fortunately, it was my second date and not my first!"
"I thought my computer was thumbs up. Turns out it was on Windows!"
"Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To drive the other side crazy!"
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"I would like to see you in my rear vision mirror."
"I've got a good mind to walk back and see what's going on."
"You can't put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get."
"Why is it that whenever I go to catch a cab, I can never find one? Or is it just me?"
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"There are no traffic jams when you go the extra mile."
"Just because you're not driving doesn't mean you're not speeding ahead."
"It's not the destination, it's the journey, and also the people stuck in traffic."
"Combine the wisdom of age, the experience of driving, and the irreverence of youth."
"Sure, I can drive! I just need to remember where I parked the car."
"I can’t help but think that if we don’t start building our own flying cars soon, the future is going to be really boring."
"Driving a car is like making love to a woman. You don’t need to understand it to enjoy it."
"I told my car to turn around because I had lost my drive."
"My car and I get along just fine. I can't say the same about other drivers on the road."
"I bought a car, and I think it’s smarter than I am. It’s all electronic and has a mind of its own."
"Driving is like a video game, but with bigger stakes and a lot less food."
"Why go out for a night on the town when you can just stay in your car and honk at the neighbors?"
"I don’t trust people who don’t like driving – could it be they are not properly aligned to the universe?"
"When I see an old lady in a wheelchair, I just can’t help but drive slower – I mean, she’s giving me a race."
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake... and when you start thinking about traffic lights."
"Never argue with a car; it will equip itself with a rearview mirror and want to hit back."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"If you think driving is a challenge, try navigating a parking lot on a Sunday."
"I was going to drive to the store, but then I remembered I’d have to come back. Too much effort!"
"Parking is a lot like a relationship: sometimes it works out, and sometimes you find yourself too far from home."
"You know it’s going to be a bad day when you find yourself singing in the car while stuck in traffic."
"Always heed the warning of your GPS: ‘Recalculating…’ It’s just a polite way of saying, ‘you missed your turn, genius.’"
"I get lost in my thoughts while driving, and they typically lead to a very unwanted detour."
"Car horns are the sound of pop culture. A cacophony of frustration and impatience."
"I have a great driver’s license photo. I look like a criminal on the lam."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch – I call it ‘driving.’"
"My dashboard might contain all the info I need, but my cupholders will hold all my dreams."
"Every time I get in my car, I feel like I’m taking a mini-vacation – to the grocery store."
"Driving in the city is like playing an extreme sport – it’s dangerous, and you’ve got to be alert all the time!"
"I love driving my car as much as I love driving my family crazy!"
"A driver is someone who drives their car into a traffic jam and blames the red lights."
"The only time I accelerate is when I’m late."
"There are three kinds of people in this world: drivers, passengers, and those who don’t want to go to the grocery store."
"The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it."
"I used to live in a neighborhood so bad, we had a drive-by shooting, but it was just someone delivering pizza."
"I told my car to drive itself, but it’s still trying to get me to pay attention!"
"You can’t trust your car to talk back to you—especially when it’s your GPS."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"I’ve done a lot of stupid things, but driving with a cat in my lap wasn’t one of them—yet."
"I don’t always stop at stop signs, but when I do, I make sure it’s at 3 a.m."
"If you think I’m a bad driver, you should see my passengers."
"Driving isn’t just a pastime; it’s an adventure in stress management."
"I love driving at night. I’m just not sure if I’m lost or free."
"If car washes could make you look good, then how come I still look bad after one?"
"Why are all the roads I want to take one-way?"
"If only I could steer my life like I steer my car!"
"My other car is a broom; it goes faster, plus I never get stuck in traffic."
"I didn't choose the driving life; the driving life chose me. And now I'm just stuck in traffic."
"Driving is the art of getting lost while pretending to know where you're going."
"I make it a point to drive slowly through the neighborhood—just in case I need to rescue a stray cat or something."
"Driving a car is like a relationship; you have to give it time and attention to keep it running smoothly!"
"Never underestimate the power of a woman in a minivan filled with kids and snacks."
"My car and I are perfect for each other—too bad it’s just a relationship of convenience."
"I thought I was a great driver—until I tried reversing into a parking spot."
"I can't believe I got a ticket for “not watching the road”! Who knew I wasn't allowed to multitask?"
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."
"The best part of driving is finding that empty parking spot."
"I can't believe I drove for 20 years without knowing what a turn signal was."
"Driving a car is like riding a bike, except the bike is on fire and you are in hell."
"Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly."
"You know you're driving too fast when you see a police car in your rearview mirror and think, 'Whoa! I should've gone for the Ferrari!'"
"I don't have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch, and I do it in my car."
"I told my car I needed a break, and now it won't stop making weird noises."
"If you think driving is killing the Earth, try walking."
"To keep your car running well, make sure you don’t drive it too far."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"I'm not saying I'm the best driver, but my GPS says I have an epic sense of direction."
"I love how driving is the only activity that makes you feel like you have control over your entire life... until you hit traffic."
"I don’t make mistakes, I just create new driving experiences."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side, unless there’s a big truck coming."
"Driving is like a 3D video game, but the stakes are much higher, and the reset button is broken."
"Keep calm and drive on, especially when everyone else is freaking out."
"The only thing better than driving is telling people you drove there once you arrive."
"If your car breaks down, you can always hitch a ride—unless you wait too long, then you're just standing there."
"You ain't seen nothing until you've seen your mother-in-law driving on the highway."
"I called my car 3M because it saves me time, money, and some accidents."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. Just check my driving during rush hour."
"Life is a journey, enjoy the ride… especially when it's in someone else's car."
"Of course I drive well. I have a chauffeur's license and everything!"
"Traffic jams are proof that God has a sense of humor."
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