116 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Computers.
"I think computer viruses should count as life."
"The only thing worse than a computer that won't work is a computer that does."
"Why did the computer go to therapy? Because it had too many bytes!"
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me kit-tea memes."
"Computers are getting better all the time. I used to be a hardware consultant; now I design the software to combat all their bugs."
"I have a joke about UDP, but I’m not sure you’ll get it."
"Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer."
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"Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, including your computer!"
"I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing."
"Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays."
"The Internet is a great way to get on the net."
"It’s not a bug – it’s an undocumented feature!"
"I don’t always test my code, but when I do, I do it in production."
"Computers are like parking meters: They always seem to run out of space at the worst possible time."
"Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!"
"If your computer speaks English, it’s probably a Windows machine."
"A computer can be a reliable friend - until it tells you you’ve reached your limit due to too many tabs being open."
"Computers are the tools of the future, but they still can't fix dumb."
"The only thing more difficult than understanding your computer is explaining it to your grandparents."
"My computer loves me; it freezes every time I try to leave it."
"Why did the computer go to school? To improve its byte size!"
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"There are only two industries that refer to their customers as users: illegal drugs and software."
"I just saw my whole life flash before my eyes — and I can't believe I forgot to save it."
"In my house, I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker."
"I don’t care if it’s not a bug. I want to be able to click on it."
"I really miss my friend. He was there for me through thick and thin — and now he’s just in my computer."
"Computers are the most expensive thing you can throw away."
"Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue."
"If we lose the planet, it’s because we were too busy refreshing our browser."
"I told my computer that I needed a break, and it froze."
"The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back."
"My computer's not responding — DNS, please?"
"Your favorite software product is being installed. Please wait while it takes your sanity."
"Life is full of challenges; it wouldn’t be life without them — just like coding."
"Who says I have to be good at computers? I’m just here for the memes."
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"Why do they call it a ‘building’ if it’s already built?"
"It's hard to do a project on computers and get things done when they keep crashing, but I suppose that's the price we pay for modern technology."
"Computer: A device that can take you around the world … in just a few clicks. And leave you forgetting what time it is."
"I finally got a computer so I could stop getting lost — only now I can't find the computer!"
"I can't believe I'm really talking to my computer right now, but someday I might really need backup."
"I think my computer needs a coffee break."
"Programming today is a race between software engineers trying to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots."
"I have a problem; I can't stop buying computer parts."
"The computer is a moron."
"I can't tell you how many people I've met who get lost in the computer world and forget about life outside it."
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history—with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."
"If you think technology can solve your problems, you don’t understand your problems and you don’t understand technology."
"To err is human; but to really foul things up you need a computer."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"You know you're a geek when you think of a network as a group of computers that talk to each other and not the people who use them."
"The Internet is like a giant toaster. You can put your bread in it, but you can’t get it back."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze."
"There are only two things you need to remember about computers: The first is that they are smart. The second is that they are stupid."
"Lord, please give me patience, and give it to me right now!"
"My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."
"What is the difference between a programmer and a non-programmer? A programmer knows everything is a problem."
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. (My computer told me so!)"
"There are two types of computer users: Those who have lost data and those who will lose data."
"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it through not dying."
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"The only thing worse than a bad programmer is a good one."
"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
"Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork."
"Geek: Someone who, if you have trouble, would rather give you a solution than an interjection."
"Your computer is powered by an unending source of blame."
"Just because you have a smartphone doesn’t mean you need to be one!"
"The only thing that’s ever come between me and my computer is the wedding ring."
"I had a computer and I tried to understand it, but it went so slow, I decided to put it in my living room as an art piece."
"To err is human, but to really screw things up you need a computer."
"Computers are like air conditioners. They stop working properly if you open windows."
"The four most important words in computer programming are 'not safe for work'."
"My computer told me to go out and get some green juice. I think it's trying to detox me."
"There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find that funny."
"I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. Thanks to my computer."
"Programming is like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire, you’re on fire, everything is on fire, and you’re in hell."
"Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs."
"There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses."
"I’m convinced that the only thing that works on my computer is the recycle bin."
"Computers are the bottleneck. They limit our thinking, our creativity, our human capabilities."
"Why did the computer keep freezing? Because it left its Windows open!"
"If you think math is hard, try building a computer."
"Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!"
"Computers are like teenagers; they throw tantrums when you don’t give them attention."
"The best way to get most of your ideas is to get rid of some of your first ones."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was too much buffering."
"My computer can’t stop complaining. It might be a sign I need a new one."
"I just saw a computer with a calendar. I asked it if it had a date. It froze."
"Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!"
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."
"There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."
"Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working properly if you open windows."
"To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer."
"I’m not a great programmer; I’m just a good programmer with great habits."
"A computer is like a mischievous toddler - it will throw a tantrum when you don't pay attention to it."
"If you think technology can solve your security problems, then you don’t understand the problems and you don’t understand technology."
"If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0."
"My computer's been acting up. It just lost its desktop icon!"
"The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit."
"Why do computers always freeze? Because they forgot their Windows!"
"There's no place like 127.0.0.1."
"I’d like to be the things that I think – right now I am just a computer with a brain!”"
"Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue."
"The Internet is so big, so powerful, so connected that it’s like the Earth itself."
"It's not a bug – it's an undocumented feature."
"I keep trying to figure out how to get my computer to utilize my emotional skills, but it just keeps crashing!"
"Computers are made to be hacked, and I’m the hacker you never saw coming."
"Problem solved, and I didn’t even have to turn it off and back on!"
"I can’t believe I have to keep explaining this. Don’t be a copy cat. Be a computer cat!"
"How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem."
"Computers are like a toddler; they need constant attention and they will never run efficiently without it."
"I don’t know how to use all the features of my computer. I just know how to make it crash!"
"Sometimes it feels like my computer has a mind of its own and it’s plotting against me."
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