102 result(s) for Funny Picture Quotes.
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"I can’t brain today, I have the dumb."
"I have a wonderful aura. It’s just like a glow-in-the-dark sticker."
"Save the planet, it’s the only one with chocolate."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"The only thing I gain from exercise is the ability to eat more."
"Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up. I want you back."
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"Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring. So I go back to being me."
"If there’s a will, there are 500 relatives."
"I finally got a handle on my life. But then I broke it."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"I don’t always lose my phone, but when I do, it’s always on silent."
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."
"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks."
"I smile because I have no idea what’s going on."
"If at first you don’t succeed, so much for skydiving."
"I used to think I was a little crazy, now I know I'm absolutely insane."
"I can't believe I still have to protest this still."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach pictures."
"My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry."
"I couldn't repair your brake, so I made your horn louder."
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"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."
"I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"The only thing worse than being a new parent is being a new parent without a sense of humor."
"I finally know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be 5 again."
"I don’t mind going back to daylight savings time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I’ve saved all year."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"Never trust a skinny chef."
"I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a kid again."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist."
"Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach photos."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
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"If we weren't meant to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!"
"I am not lazy. I am on energy-saving mode."
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"I've learned that it’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see."
"The only time I get exercise is walking to the bathroom."
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"I finally got around to reading 'War and Peace.' It was a lot shorter than I expected."
"I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!"
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch! I call it lunch."
"I was going to lose weight, but I decided to leave it on. It’s mine after all."
"I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough."
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
"Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you."
"I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"I am on a chocolate diet. I only eat chocolate. If it tastes bad, it’s not chocolate."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I think my soulmate might be carbohydrates."
"I followed my heart and it led me to the fridge."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"If we aren't supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I'm on the patch right now. It’s called 'the couch'."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 7 years in a row!"
"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
"If you can’t laugh at yourself, I want to be the one to."
"I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust."
"I'm not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."
"My brain has too many tabs open."
"I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I wish I could be fat and still be able to eat pizza."
"Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me Kit Kat ads."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"I can resist everything except temptation."
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!"
"Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"I’ve got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom."
"Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese."
"Every time I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and starts to wiggle its eyebrows."
"I'm writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
"I didn't choose the mug life; the mug life chose me."
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. After that, who cares? They’re a mile away and you’ve got their shoes!"
"The only thing standing between me and my goal is the story I keep telling myself as to why I can’t achieve it."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
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