115 result(s) for Funny Corporate Quotes.
"I'm not sure how to tell you this, but we're all out of donuts."
"The worst thing about being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."
"I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they're flashing behind you."
"To err is human; to really foul things up, you need a computer."
"Meetings are essential to the corporate structure. They are like your mother, and constitute a large part of your life. However, if you drown out the meetings with laughter, your life will be better."
"I am not a member of any organized party. I am a Democrat."
"I told my boss that three employees were going to quit. He said, 'Are you sure?'. I said, 'Of course, I just got an email back from three of them!'"
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"You know you're getting old when you can't walk past a store without wanting to go in and sit down."
"If you think hiring professionals is expensive, wait until you hire amateurs."
"I have a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom."
"Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done."
"The only thing worse than training your employees and having them leave is not training them and having them stay."
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
"If at first, you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your boss told you to in the first place."
"It's not the hours you put in, but what you put in the hours."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."
"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer."
"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun."
"Why do we press harder on the remote when we know the batteries are weak?"
"I think my job is like a high-speed chase. At the end of the day, I'm hoping I can keep my job and not end up in jail."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said."
"The secret to success is to start from scratch and keep on scratching."
"I was handed a chocolate bar and asked to use it to lure them into the office and to my surprise, it worked."
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."
"I can’t understand why people are scared of new ideas. I’m scared of the old ones."
"My boss thinks I'm a 'team player'. I play on a team of one."
"We need to be very careful not to confuse humility with humiliation."
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program."
"If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success."
"Nothing ruins a Friday more than realizing it’s only Wednesday."
"If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito."
"Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital."
"Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"In the corporate world, everybody thinks they are smart, but the smart ones know that they don’t know anything."
"Before you start your workday, ask yourself: 'What would I do today if I could not fail?'."
"The only reason I open my email is because I’m hoping to see something that’s not a meeting request."
"I’m an innovator, and I can’t help it – if there’s a chance to automate my job, I’ll take it."
"I’d always advised people to start with a plan. I’ve never started with a plan. My success comes from the failures I learned from along the way."
"The more I practice, the luckier I get."
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."
"Just because you’re not on the mic doesn’t mean you’re not part of the band."
"Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I am not lazy. I am on energy-saving mode."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"I can’t understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I’m frightened of the old ones."
"Office: Where the coffee is strong, the competition is stronger, and the paperwork is everlasting."
"You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake."
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
"If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your boss told you to."
"It's not a bug – it's an undocumented feature."
"Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else."
"My boss told me to start the presentation with a joke. The funniest joke I know is my paycheck!"
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"Those who are late get to see other people’s presentations."
"Meetings are where minutes are taken and hours are lost."
"If your boss is not a little bit mad, then you might be the mad one."
"I find there is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will get that joke."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"Dear Future, I’m ready. I just wish you’d tell me what you have in store for me!"
"At work, you can be a genius or a fool, as long as you're not a bore."
"I have a joke on company culture, but it’s inside the hallway where nobody can hear it."
"Climbing the corporate ladder is just grabbing the hand of the person above you and dancing."
"Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? He took a day off!"
"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting."
"I didn't get where I am today by not being a little bit crazy."
"The worst thing about being a boss is that you have to watch your back."
"If you're not making mistakes, then you're not making decisions."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"The four most expensive words in the English language are, 'This time it's different.'"
"I find my greatest inspiration in work done by others! Perfectly executed and terribly mismanaged."
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?"
"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"I always give 100 percent at work: 10 percent on Monday, 20 percent on Tuesday, 30 percent on Wednesday, 40 percent on Thursday, and 50 percent on Friday."
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
"I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I don't always listen to my boss, but when I do, I forget everything."
"I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?"
"The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."
"I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now."
"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck."
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"The problem with being a leader is that you're never sure if you’ve got the support of your team or just the majority of them trying to figure out how to get rid of you."
"Meetings are where minutes are kept and hours are lost."
"If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Monday."
"I am a firm believer in the theory of exceptionalism. I’ll get started on Monday!... or the Monday after that."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"A company is like a ship; everyone must be willing to get their hands dirty in order to keep it afloat."
"My job is secure. No one else wants it."
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the risk?"
"You don’t have to be crazy to work here. We’ll train you."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"The only reason I wake up every day is to get back to bed sooner."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"There are two kinds of people in the world: people who can finish a sentence and... oh look, a squirrel!"
"I told my boss that I needed a raise... and he gave me another job."
"The only thing worse than having a job is not having a job, and this is why I haven’t quit yet."
"I am on energy-saving mode. Please do not disturb unless absolutely necessary."
"Why do we never get a chance to do it over? Because we never worked in a team before."
"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter."
"I don't always do work, but when I do, I make sure no one is watching."
"I’m out of job, but I got my dog to keep me company. And so far, he hasn’t turned me in."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
