130 result(s) for Funny Colonoscopy Quotes.
"I just had a colonoscopy, and they found gas, and I was like, 'Well, that's no surprise!' "
"The only time I get to have a polygraph test is when I get my annual colonoscopy."
"I had a colonoscopy, and they diagnosed me with a bad case of 'Don't eat that!'"
"Remember, sometimes the best parts of life are hidden within you... until you get a colonoscopy."
"I don’t have a bucket list, but my colonscopy agenda has some serious checks."
"Getting a colonoscopy: It’s the only time when you can say they’re digging deep into your issues!"
"I used to have a fear of colonoscopies, but then I realized it's just another way to see my insides."
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"Yes, I get colonoscopies. It’s like a ride at the fair, except I’m not screaming from thrill, but from horror."
"Colonoscopy: The only medical procedure where you’re awake enough to ask the doctor if that was a second cup of coffee."
"You know you’re getting older when your idea of a good time is a colonoscopy."
"The hardest part of a colonoscopy is deciding what flavor of anesthesia you want."
"A colonoscopy is just your body's way of saying, 'Hey, you've really got to start eating more fiber.'"
"Colonoscopy prep: turning your home into a bean and broccoli-free zone."
"You haven’t truly experienced life until you’ve had a colonoscopy and come out wiser."
"Colonoscopy: the adult version of getting your report card – except it’s your colon they’re examining!"
"Getting a thorough view of my insides is the true meaning of 'self-exploration.'"
"If my colon could talk, it would probably say, 'Why are you probing me?'"
"Funny how your life can change the moment you step into a colonoscopy room."
"Colonoscopy: where the doctor sees things you only wish you could unsee."
"If laughter is the best medicine, then colonoscopy prep is the comedian's slimfast diet."
"There’s no need to fear the scope – in fact, it’s all about out-scope-ing your problems!"
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"A lot of people feel nervous about colonoscopies; just think of them as a backstage pass to your intestines."
"I didn't choose the colonoscopy life; the colonoscopy life chose me."
"For every colonoscopy, there’s a funny story waiting to be told. This is mine."
"Why does everyone make a big deal about colonoscopies? It’s just a little shy probing of your inner self."
"When people say they need a good laugh, I say: Try a colonoscopy prep for a true giggle-thon!"
"The doctor said I needed a colonoscopy, and I said, 'Couldn’t you just tell me what my fortune is?' "
"I'd like to see a colonoscopy on TV, but the shows need better storylines."
"I have a friend who had a colonoscopy, and he said it was the best nap he ever had."
"Why do I need a colonoscopy? I'm not a bank vault!"
"A colonoscopy: proving that every hole has a story."
"Colonoscopy: because sometimes you need to go where no man has gone before."
"My idea of a good time? Laughing at the return of my colonoscopy results."
"Getting a colonoscopy is like going to a bad amusement park ride – you don’t know when it’s over!"
"I thought I was just going for a little visit; turns out it was a colonoscopy!"
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"How to have an awkward dinner conversation: just mention your latest colonoscopy."
"Why is it called a colonoscopy? Because 'deep dive' was already taken."
"You know you’re getting older when your ‘wild night out’ involves a colonoscopy prep."
"Tell your doctor you want a colonoscopy just for the free sedatives!"
"A friend told me colonoscopy prep was just an extreme cleansing facial."
"I think I’ll skip the party next week and just have my colonoscopy instead. Much more fun!"
"Nothing says 'I love you' more than reminding someone they need a colonoscopy."
"The great thing about a colonoscopy is that it’s the only time you’ll leave the doctor’s office with a clean slate."
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a colonoscopy, just drink that juice and lie down!"
"I don’t fear death; I fear the day my doctor says, ‘Let’s schedule that colonoscopy.’"
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but have you tried the sedatives from a colonoscopy?"
"Just remember, a colonoscopy is a small price to pay for a massive amount of good jokes!"
"The only tube I want to see on my birthday is the one for my colonoscopy!"
"I told my friend I was getting a colonoscopy, and he said, 'How about a road trip instead?'"
"When in doubt, let your doctor look around – it’s a colonoscopy thing!"
"There's a silver lining to getting a colonoscopy: you can eat all the ice cream you want after!"
"I'd rather run a marathon than drink the prep for a colonoscopy. And that’s saying something!"
"I told the doctor I needed a colonoscopy. He said, 'Are you sure you want to go on the inside?'"
"For the record, I enjoy all sorts of jokes, but I am not on board with poop jokes. Unless, of course, they’re about my colon."
"I would like to send a special thanks to the man who invented the colonoscopy. Everybody needs a little love in the dark."
"When you're having a colonoscopy, it's just your doctor, you, and a whole lot of awkwardness."
"I didn’t realize that my colonoscopy would lead me to discover so much about my friends’ eating habits."
"Colonoscopy: because life is too short to worry about what might be lurking."
"I'd like to take a moment to thank the inventor of the colonoscopy. Now I know what it’s like to feel popular in a sterile room."
"Why look in a crystal ball when you can have a colonoscopy?"
"Nothing says 'I love you' like getting a colonoscopy together."
"A colonoscopy is just proof that love really is blind."
"The worst part about a colonoscopy? You can never tell if you have a good doctor or simply a bad one."
"Having a colonoscopy is a great way to lose weight... or at least that’s what I tell myself."
"A colonoscopy is like a performance review, but the doctor's the only one who gets to see the results."
"If laughter is the best medicine, then a colonoscopy is the best preparation!"
"After my colonoscopy, I felt like I'd been to the Twilight Zone: weird experiences and a whole lot of waiting."
"Getting older is like a colonoscopy: it’s uncomfortable, but it’s worth it for what you discover."
"The colonoscopy prep was harder than the actual procedure... and I was only half-awake!"
"A colonoscopy is just like a vacation: it starts with a lot of preparation, and then it’s over before you know it."
"Why wait for a fortune cookie when you can have a colonoscopy to see your future?"
"Colonoscopy: where the only thing that gets to look inside you is your doctor."
"Nothing ever says 'party time' like a colonoscopy prep drink!"
"You know you're getting older when you start scheduling colonoscopies instead of parties."
"Colonoscopy day: the one day where I willingly empty everything out of my system."
"If my colon could talk, it would probably ask for a raise after this procedure."
"Remember, a colonoscopy is just a really extreme form of self-care."
"When in doubt, just remember: being knocked out for a colonoscopy is the most sleep you’ll get this week!"
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"I told my doctor I’d like to run a marathon. He asked if I could drive one first."
"The doctor said I need to do a colonoscopy. I just hope the doctor can find my sense of humor down there."
"Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case he needed to draw blood!"
"I've had so many colonoscopies, I'm starting to feel like a human being of 'tubular' proportions!"
"Colonoscopy: the only time you can be seen by an audience in your underwear!"
"A colonoscopy is like turning a page in a book, but the story is mostly just about your plumbing."
"Going for a colonoscopy? Just remember, it's all fun and games until you hear the word 'scope'."
"My doctor said we need to get to the bottom of things."
"I told my doctor I should be the one taking notes during the colonoscopy."
"When they said, 'You’ll be out in no time,' I didn't think they meant ten minutes after the procedure!"
"I've reached the age where my back goes out more than I do."
"Colonoscopy prep: because nothing brings a family together like a shared bathroom!"
"After my colonoscopy, my doctor asked how I felt. I said, 'Like a brand new person!'"
"Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! Just like I don't have the guts to skip my colonoscopy!"
"Laughter is the best medicine, unless you need a colonoscopy!"
"Never say never, especially when it comes to procedures that involve the 'backdoor'."
"If something seems wrong in your life, consider that it might be your colon talking."
"Colonoscopy? I prefer to call it 'The Ultimate Reality Show'."
"Being scared of a colonoscopy? Relax, it's not like they'll still give you a ticket for late fees!"
"Why did the scarecrow get a colonoscopy? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
"The real tragedy of going for a colonoscopy is that my friends will never let me live it down."
"A friend asked if I was nervous about my colonoscopy. I said, 'Absolutely! What if I start laughing?' "
"Colonoscopy day: the event you didn't know you could have before lunch!"
"Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a 'byte' too much!"
"Just remember, what happens in colonoscopy stays in colonoscopy!"
"I just had a colonoscopy, and I have to say, I didn’t find it funny at all. But then again, I have a pretty low sense of humor about those things."
"I finally went for my colonoscopy after all this time. I used to be so afraid. But now, I feel like a well-oiled machine. Next stop? Disneyland!"
"The best thing about a colonoscopy is that you can pay someone to take a look at your insides without having to go to dinner first."
"Why is it called a colonoscopy? Because ‘Let’s stick a camera up your butt’ was already taken?"
"After a colonoscopy, I realized that the worst part is probably just the insistence on waiting until you’re awake to tell your doctor your life story."
"Colonoscopy: because sometimes you just need to check out a real piece of crap."
"I had a colonoscopy. I tell you what, nothing makes me feel more alive than planning a party with that kind of hangover."
"Going for a colonoscopy? Enjoy it! You've never been so well-prepared for sitting in a waiting room in your life!"
"A colonoscopy is just a free trip to see your insides... and it even comes with a sedative!"
"I asked my doctor if colonoscopies are as bad as people say. He smiled and said, 'Only if you can't laugh about it!'"
"Forget love... I’d rather fall in a colonoscopy!"
"My favorite part of going to the doctor for a colonoscopy? When they say, 'You’ll be out in no time,' and you think, 'Well, I just got free passage into Neverland!'"
"Colonoscopy prep is the perfect time to reflect on how many people will never see your butt in a day but you certainly take a picture of it."
"The only thing scarier than a colonoscopy is the bill that arrives afterward."
"You haven’t lived until you’ve experienced a bit of dignity violation and then laughed about it."
"Colonoscopy: It’s the only time you can truly say you’ve ‘traveled’ to the depths of your body, and all you get is a lousy photo."
"If your friends have never come over to help you with your colon prep, are they really your friends?"
"Colonoscopy: the one place where you really can’t be too full of it."
"I’m not saying a colonoscopy is fun. But come on, it’s better than sitting in traffic!"
"Colonoscopy? More like a 'thanks for checking in on my innards' party!"
"Every time I have a colonoscopy, I wonder if they decide to make a travel documentary on my intestines."
"You gotta love the irony: the only time you feel lighter is after they check the heavy stuff."
"Colonoscopy: because some things you just can’t keep bottled up anymore!"
"You know you're getting older when your idea of a wild night out is a colonoscopy prep!"
"I finally scheduled my colonoscopy, but honestly, nothing sounds more fun than sitting in the waiting room for hours."
"Why did the colonoscopy cross the road? To see what was going on in the butt!"
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