107 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Time.
"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."
"Time is money. Wasted time means wasted money means trouble."
"The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once."
"Time might be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician."
"Why does time fly? Because we have a tendency to run after it."
"If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it."
"I always thought time was a thief, but now I'm not so sure; it may just be a really bad habit."
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"Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a terrible beautician."
"I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"The more I read, the more I realize that I don't know much about anything, including time."
"Don't count the days; make the days count."
"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot."
"You will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it."
"I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom."
"Time's fun when you're having flies."
"Time and tide wait for no man."
"I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lime. And a shot of tequila."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
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"If only we could understand time, we could spend it much better."
"Punctuality is the art of guessing how late the other fellow is going to be."
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
"I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education."
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
"Time is like a compound interest; the more you spend it wisely, the more it grows."
"Time doesn't fly; it accelerates at an alarming rate."
"You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that's kind of the same thing."
"Time is the wisest counselor of all."
"I don’t know about you, but I’m on a budget. A budget made of time."
"The only time is now."
"Time is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes."
"Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going."
"They say money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'"
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"Time waits for no one... which is why it’s always late!"
"I can't believe I spent half my life all these years waiting for the other half to begin."
"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time', is like saying, 'I don't want to.'"
"I don't have a time machine, but I have a clock."
"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is."
"They say time heals all wounds. I wonder if you can still die from the pain of bad timing."
"A time is a thing that you remember when you want to know the time."
"I can't wait for the end of the world so I can party with you, because if there's one thing I've learned about time, it's that it doesn't wait for anyone."
"There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
"I always thought time was linear until I accidentally traveled back to the future and realized it was actually just a circle of never-ending deadlines."
"Time is what we want most but what we use worst."
"The trouble with time is that you can’t play hide and seek with it."
"I’ve got a great idea for a time machine, but I’m afraid I don’t have the time to invent it."
"Time is the longest distance between two places."
"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don’t have time' is like saying, 'I don’t want to.'"
"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend."
"Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician."
"If you think the problem is time, you are wrong. The problem is you will never have enough time if you cannot manage what is important."
"I keep my friends as well as I keep my clocks; I never adjust them."
"There's no time like the present, so let's waste some more."
"I was going to tell a time travel joke, but you didn’t like it."
"Why is it that when you have time, you don’t need it, and when you need it, you don’t have it?"
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."
"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time' is like saying, 'I don't want to.'"
"Time waits for no one."
"I don't have time to be bored."
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its students."
"I wish I could go back in time and put my foot in my mouth again."
"They say time heals all wounds, but I'm pretty sure it just turns them into scars."
"The only time I feel like I’m getting old is when I’m with younger people."
"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don’t have time,' is like saying, 'I don’t want to.'"
"If time flies when you're having fun, it hits the ground like a brick when you're not."
"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
"Why does time fly when you’re having fun, but slow down when you’re having a bad time?"
"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."
"Time is like a rubber band, and sometimes you just need to let it stretch."
"Time flies whether you're having fun or not."
"I wish I had a time machine. So I could go back in time and buy more time to watch my favorite shows."
"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."
"Lost time is never found again."
"Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods."
"I just got a time machine! I can go backward to steal my past!"
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
"Sometimes, I don’t have time to find the time."
"I’ve got a busy schedule; don’t make me prioritize you."
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
"Time is what we want most, but what we use worst."
"I don't have time to be wasted!"
"As you grow older, three things happen: The first thing is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two."
"They say that time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite."
"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time,' is like saying, 'I don't want to.'"
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"Time is what prevents everything from happening at once."
"I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again."
"I can’t believe I’m still on this diet. I mean three weeks and I’ve lost nothing. Not even track of time."
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils."
"Time is money. Unless you’re a kid, then it’s priceless."
"At least we have a little time before it all goes wrong."
"Why does time fly when you're having fun, but slow down when you're in the dentist's chair?"
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter."
"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot."
"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don’t have time,' is like saying 'I don’t want to.'"
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"The trouble is, you think you have time."
"Time is like the ocean; you can only hold so much in your hand."
"Time is a great healer, but a poor beautician."
"Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind."
"Time is a great storyteller, and it has only one tail, which is to teach us to laugh."
"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
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