128 result(s) for Funny Christian Quotes.
"I told God I wanted to help others, and He told me to be quiet."
"If the devil can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy."
"God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Just don’t ask Him why you’re still waiting."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"Church is a place where you can be judged by your heart, but judged by your shoes too."
"I think God is a comedian playing to an audience that’s afraid to laugh."
"When we’re in love, we’re not judging; we’re appreciating."
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"The Bible says money is the root of all evil, but it never says that you can’t have a little fun with it."
"Eve was made from a rib from Adam. Not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled on, but from his side to be equal to him."
"I’d like to be in the sun, but the sun is a little hot for me. I’ll take a cool church any day!"
"Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case."
"The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints."
"Why did the scarecrow become a pastor? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
"I think the Lord will take care of your problems, but I still think you should probably fix that thing in your yard."
"A Sunday school teacher asked her class, 'If your mother baked a pie and there were seven of you, how much of the pie would each get?' A boy said, 'A fourth of a pie. My mother says all the time that she wants to give us a good piece!'"
"If you’re too busy to pray, you’re busier than God ever intended you to be."
"God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way."
"A Christian is just a saved sinner."
"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
"Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen."
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"God made the world in six days. I think He took the last day off because He was tired of all the complaints."
"God does not require that we succeed, but only that we try."
"Prayer without faith is like a lamp without oil."
"Never forget that a saint is just a sinner who keeps trying."
"Keep your chin up; if it’s not you, it’s the problem!"
"I told the Lord I would be ready when He came. I can't see why he could want to take me now."
"The best way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it."
"I had a religious experience as a child - I couldn't find my bicycle."
"If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way your pastor told you to."
"God created man, but I could do better."
"Come to the Lord just as you are, unless you are a hot dog."
"Some people are so heavenly-minded, they are no earthly good."
"God doesn’t require us to succeed, he only requires that you try."
"Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future."
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"Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case."
"There are some people who don’t know how to be saved. They hope and they pray, but they still think they are going to hell."
"I am too blessed to be stressed."
"A lot of Christians are like the moon: they only shine when the sun is shining."
"When you know the Lord, every day is a good day, even if it isn’t."
"If you think that God doesn't understand, try reading Job."
"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
"My church is my garage, because that's where I work."
"The Lord made us a little lower than the angels, but he doesn't want us to forget that we can still trip over our own feet."
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
"What we put into our bodies is important. Obesity is a sin! But so is judging others."
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans."
"I don’t have to be the best Christian; I just have to be the best me."
"Church is just a place where one sinner can be forgiven by another."
"I’m not perfect, just forgiven."
"When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there."
"If God is your co-pilot, swap seats!"
"The best angle to approach a problem is the 'try' angle."
"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"
"I can't find my way, but I can find my GPS. It says, 'Recalculating.'"
"God recycles. He made you out of dust!"
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals; I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."
"Funny how we run to God when we have problems, but we don't take the time to thank Him when things are right."
"Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home."
"I told God I needed a raise. He said, 'Why? Are you afraid of heights?'"
"You can't be a beacon if your light doesn't shine."
"If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."
"You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. But it helps!"
"I told God I was very tired of this world. He told me to take a break – and that was an order!"
"If God is your family, then you know you need a big house."
"A Church is not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners."
"Life is a game, and I’m not a very good player."
"Worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere."
"I asked God for patience, and He put me in traffic."
"The only time I set the bar low is for limbo."
"I’m on the patch to recovery. The patch is made of chocolate."
"I finally got my act together. Now I don’t know what to do with it."
"I told the kids I had a chocolate cake and I was bringing it to the party. They said, 'We’ll eat cake, then we'll go to church!' The cake was a bribe, but they still loved Jesus more than the cake."
"God must love the rich, he made so many of them."
"The Christian life is not an invitation to a 'Happily Ever After' story; it’s a journey with an Eternal Author."
"You think you’re busy? God has to keep track of every bird in the world, and He even knows how many hairs are on your head."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. But God wants us to keep our temples clean, right?"
"Don't worry about anything. Just pray about everything. But don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the bell icon!"
"Jesus loves you, but I’m His favorite."
"If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
"I’m so glad we’re not the only ones who need the Grace of God, because honestly, I’m not the best person I know."
"Sin is like a credit card; you can enjoy it now, but you'll pay for it later."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. Just like some Christians on whether to wear ties to church or not."
"Life is short—smile while you still have teeth!"
"When God created Adam, he was not an apple fan. He made Eve first, for which I'm sure he would be grateful today!"
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"Do not let your happiness depend on something you may lose."
"I finally figured out the only reason to ever leave your comfort zone is when you've forgotten your Bible on Sunday morning."
"The devil is like a lion — searching for someone to devour; make sure you’re not the meal of the day!"
"I don’t have a bank account, but I do have a savings account in Heaven!"
"If God didn’t want us to eat sugar, why does He make donuts taste so good?"
"The Lord’s Prayer is a great way to start your day, but coffee is a great way to keep it going!"
"Church is like a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints!"
"The difference between a good haircut and great haircut is about 30 minutes… and a prayer!"
"I asked God for patience, and he gave me a toddler."
"Sometimes I think that God needs to take a vacation! When will He ever get a break from us?"
"Jesus doesn’t want religion—He wants a relationship, and a few funny moments too!"
"Faith is like WiFi; it's invisible, but it has the power to connect you to what you need."
"Sometimes you just have to show up at church in your pajama pants; God loves you that much!"
"I told the Lord I would like to have a little more patience with people, but that probably means I'll have to deal with more annoying people."
"God is good, but I’m still waiting for him to send me a better gym membership deal."
"If God is your co-pilot, switch seats!"
"I love the Lord, but I still can't find the book of Hezekiah in my Bible."
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You know how to joke about it."
"Jesus loves you, but I’m his favorite!"
"When it comes to my prayer life, I sometimes feel like I’m just sending prayers to the ‘spiritual spam’ folder."
"Eat, sleep, church, repeat."
"I’m on the gospel diet. I’ll only eat what the Good Book tells me to eat—mostly donuts and coffee."
"I was going to take a break from my faith, but then I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' He'd probably tell me to take a nap instead."
"If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito."
"God loves everyone, but probably prefers ‘fruits of the spirit’ over ‘fruits of my labor’."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"My church signs say, 'You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy donuts, and that’s kind of the same thing.'"
"When I look at the world, I see a lot of things that need fixing. Good thing I’m not in charge of that!"
"My faith is like Wi-Fi: it’s invisible but it’s really there, and it connects me to what I need."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!"
"I asked God for patience, and he put me in a long line."
"I think Jesus would have been a foodie. After all, he turned water into wine!"
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."
"God is like Verizon. He’s everywhere you want to be."
"Keep calm and carry on is great advice, but I prefer keep praying and trust God."
"I was going to finish my book on reverse psychology, but I decided to write it later."
"You know you’re a Christian when you have a ‘Jesus take the wheel’ sticker on your car…but also a bumper sticker for the local pizza joint!"
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