118 result(s) for Funny Baseball Quotes.
"I've never thrown a baseball to my dog, and I've had him his whole life. I don't want to mess him up."
"If you think there’s a solution, you don’t have a problem."
"Why does a baseball player get caught in the outfield? He’s waiting for the 'fly' to swim."
"A baseball park is the one place where you can enjoy a game without getting a hit."
"I look like a pretty good pitcher. I was a pretty good hitter; too bad I'm not two people."
"The only thing that counts in baseball is the score, and I’m keeping track of it."
"Baseball is a game of failure. If you can accept that, you're halfway home."
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"If there's a baseball heaven, it's a place where everyone gets a hit."
"I'm convinced that every problem in life can be solved by a baseball analogy."
"There’s no crying in baseball, unless you are the Mets."
"I used to be a hero, but now I'm just a baseball coach."
"The difference between a baseball player and a poker player is that a baseball player knows how not to cheat!"
"A good baseball player is a person who can hit 3 out of 10 times and is still considered good."
"When you're 30 and still playing baseball, you're either really good or really lucky."
"Baseball players are a bunch of guys who never learned to read well."
"I don’t want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone to catch it."
"You know you're a baseball fan when you mistake a home run for a bass guitar riff."
"In baseball, you can't be too good. But you can be out of your mind."
"Baseball is the only place where you can sit in a lawn chair and get the same view as a guy in a box seat."
"The best way to catch a baseball is to just let it hit you in the face."
"There are three rules of baseball: keep your eye on the ball, don’t run into the outfield wall, and always look good doing it."
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"Why did the baseball team hire a detective? They wanted to catch someone stealing!"
"Baseball is a game of failure. You spend your whole life trying to be a .300 hitter and you fail 70% of the time."
"I’d play for half my salary if I could hit in this dump all the time."
"It's a round ball and a round bat, and you gotta hit it square."
"The trouble with baseball is that it is not played the year round."
"Good pitching will always beat good hitting, and vice versa."
"They say the baseball gods frown upon those who will not ‘take one for the team’."
"There’s so much hell in this world that I don’t want to be there. I want to be now – and in a baseball park."
"I think in baseball, you have to be an optimist, you have to believe."
"Why does everyone stand up and ripple when the U.S. flag is raised? Why doesn’t everybody just sit down and enjoy the baseball game?"
"In baseball, there's a lot of information ... I think that stops a lot of people from really enjoying the game."
"Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."
"The only thing that matters is the next game."
"You can't steal second base and keep one foot on first."
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"I could have been a baseball player. I might have made it, too, if I hadn’t lost my arm."
"Baseball is a game of the future and always will be."
"I'd like to be remembered as a guy who had a good time. I want to enjoy my time on Earth."
"You know, I love baseball but, boy, they won’t let you wear your hat backwards!"
"I'm a big baseball fan and being a fan, well, that leads to disappointment. But we keep getting back up even when we get knocked down."
"The best thing about baseball is that the game is never over until the last out is recorded."
"The baseball season is like an academic semester – 162 games of hoping that you won’t fail."
"A baseball park is the one place where you can sit and keep your brain empty."
"In baseball, the motto is 'you can’t throw tentatively'. Either throw the ball or pick it up!"
"If you think about it long enough, baseball is really more about how you spend your time than what you're doing with it."
"They told me to take a two-out look, but they never said how to take a two-out look."
"I think I’d be a great baseball player. I’d be able to get off the bench and at least get a hit when they are calling the fielders in."
"The only time I listen to my manager is when I’m being fined."
"I used to love baseball as a kid. I was a pitcher. I would throw the ball hard and fast. They would say, ‘Get this kid a glove!’ But I was already wearing one."
"The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until it stops rolling and then pick it up."
"In baseball, you don’t know nothing."
"I’m not saying my team is going to win, but we’ve got more talent than any other team."
"You know, the difference between a bad pitcher and a good one is a good catcher."
"Last year I was in a comedy club and a guy told me he was a professional baseball player. I asked him what team he played for. He said, ‘The New York Yankees.’ I told him that was a terrible name for a team. I wouldn’t want to play for a team named after a terrible part of town."
"The fans are always right, even when they are wrong."
"My favorite memory of being a baseball player was when I got hit on the head with a pitch. No, seriously. The ball was taking a weird hop, and the next thing I knew, I was on the ground. It wasn’t even a fastball."
"Baseball is a game of failure. And when you fail more than you succeed, it’s hard to stay positive."
"There are three things that can happen when you throw a pitch, and two of them are bad."
"I told my wife I’d never take her to a baseball game. Now she goes for free."
"I’m really glad I got this opportunity. I think it’s great to be a part of a great team and I hope I can contribute and help make this team better in the future. And I also hope I don’t break my ankle."
"We’re not trying to be the best team; we’re just trying to be the most entertaining."
"Baseball is a lot like the game of life; you’ve got to get on base, even if it’s not always pretty."
"I’m convinced that 90% of baseball is mental. The other half is physical."
"If you want to make an easy million, just look around. There are a lot of people who would pay to see a baseball game for free."
"I can hit a baseball better than I can hit a fly with a fly swatter."
"I never thought I’d be a professional baseball player, but it’s a lot better than being a construction worker."
"Statistics are like bikinis. They show everything, but not everything that matters."
"I’ve never been in a situation where I didn’t want to win."
"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
"I think the guy on the other team was pretty good — at least he was good-looking!"
"Baseball is a game of failure. If you can accept that, then you can enjoy the game."
"Every time I see a slick field, I am reminded that we don’t have a slick baseball team."
"There's nothing like a good game of baseball to put your troubles in the outfield."
"If you don’t like the way the ball bounces, just pick it up and throw it again."
"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."
"There are only two seasons: winter and baseball."
"I didn’t come here and trade all my trading cards for a loss."
"How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?"
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"I wish I had a nickel for every time I had a nickel."
"It gets late early out there."
"If a guy is going to cry, I'd rather he cried on my shoulder."
"I tell my kids, 'You don’t get what you don’t ask for.' Then again, I don’t always deal in reality."
"A baseball park is the best classroom of life."
"I don't think a shower has ever made a baseball player any better."
"The ballpark is like a museum; it's a fantasyland."
"If we don't have fun, why play?"
"Baseball is a game of inches. And that’s not a euphemism."
"It's a great day for a ball game; let’s play two!"
"Life is a one-time offer, use it well."
"He’s a great guy and a great ballplayer; he just needs to go out and play better."
"You see, all the top players are always getting booed at some point in their career."
"Baseball is like church. Many attend, but few understand."
"I threw an interception today. I forgot that I wasn’t playing football."
"A baseball fan is a?an obsessive, and a little bit disturbed, but they’re also very knowledgeable."
"There are three kinds of baseball players: those who make it happen, those who watch it happen, and those who wonder what happened."
"I'd walk through hell in a gasoline suit to play baseball."
"If people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, how are you going to stop them?"
"The only real game, I think, in the world is baseball."
"Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical."
"It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future."
"You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first."
"You don't need to be a genius to play baseball. You just need to know how to hit and throw."
"I think I’ve heard enough of your nonsense. You should learn to play baseball instead of annoying people."
"If you’re not first, you’re last."
"The ballpark is the best theatre, where you go to watch the world series."
"I can't say I'm so happy with how the pitching is going now. But I keep telling my teammates, it’s not the game — it’s just ours to share."
"Why does everyone talk about baseball? Because it’s the only sport that’s still played outdoors."
"Baseball is a game of failure. You’re going to fail more times than you succeed."
"In baseball, there are no bad days. Just bad innings."
"The only way to recover from a home run is to be a little better than that; they say that’s how the pros do it."
"Baseball is the only place in life where a sacrifice is really appreciated."
"When I look at the scoreboard, I think, that’s my kind of fun."
"Baseball is a game of continuity. It can go on without you; but if you’re not careful, it moves on without you too."
"If you don't go to the bar, you will never make your pitch."
"You have to have a lot of confidence in your rhythm, or else don’t bother playing at all."
"Baseball is the best game in the world, and that's why you hear people laugh about how great baseball really is."
"Why do they teach us in school that history is a long thing? Because baseball is the history of America!"
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