111 result(s) for Smartass Quotes.
"I wish I had a dollar for every smart remark I made. I could afford to be wrong more often."
"You can't put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get."
"I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I’m asleep."
"I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I didn't come here to be average. I came here to be awesome."
"I’m lazy. But it’s the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn't want to walk."
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"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"I’m not short; I'm concentrated awesome!"
"I'm not arguing. I'm just explaining why you're wrong."
"My life feels like a test I didn't study for."
"I haven’t failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I'm not saying I’m the best, but I am the best at being me."
"The only thing standing between me and my goal is the fact that I'm standing here."
"I’m like a superhero... but with no powers or motivation."
"I finally found out what’s wrong with my brain: On the left side, there’s nothing right, and on the right side, there’s nothing left."
"I'm not arguing. I'm just explaining why I'm right."
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"I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"I don't have the time or the crayons to explain this to you."
"I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode."
"You can't make everybody happy. You're not a taco."
"I’m not a complete idiot—some parts are missing."
"I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas."
"No, I'm not really into sarcasm. I'm just attempting to have a conversation with you."
"I’m not short. I’m fun-sized."
"I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. You’re much more scared of it than it is of you. Unless you’re an insect."
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d each have one less friend."
"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?"
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"I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I'm not a complete jerk; I leave some space for others."
"If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake."
"I don’t need you to tell me what I can’t do. I already know."
"I am not a nerd. I'm just smarter than you."
"I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you."
"I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today."
"If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty."
"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room."
"I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you."
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."
"If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ."
"I'm here to make you feel better about yourself. That's why I exist."
"You're one of those people who has to go sit in a corner and think about what you've done."
"Warning: I have a good memory, so please don’t remind me of life’s mistakes."
"The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list."
"I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"
"I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once."
"I would have given you a nasty look, but you already have one."
"I’m not sure how I feel about you, but I’m pretty sure I don’t like you."
"If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich."
"Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them."
"I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone."
"I’m not always sarcastic—sometimes I’m sleeping."
"You have a right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway."
"Some day you’ll go far... and I hope you stay there."
"Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma."
"I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons."
"Remember, when it comes to applying for a job, experience beats a degree."
"I don't have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart."
"I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"
"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."
"I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken."
"Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things."
"If you think I'm a smartass, then you have no idea how much smarter I really am."
"I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"You're not stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking."
"If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet."
"You're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, 'Not now.'"
"I’m multi-talented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time."
"You're proof that even evolution makes mistakes."
"You’re the reason God created the middle finger."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you."
"I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you."
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on my energy-saving mode."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"If I had a dollar for every smartass I’ve met, I’d be a millionaire."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing."
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."
"I’m not really sure how I got here, but I hope this isn’t the end."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"I’m not a smartass; I’m just smarter than you."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I’m not arguing; I’m just passionately expressing my point of view."
"It's not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"I'm not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
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