127 result(s) for Funny Turkey Quotes.
"The turkey is the only animal you can take a picture of and it will never smile back."
"What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving? Lucky."
"Thanksgiving just gets me all pumped up. I love turkey, I love pumpkin, I love stuffing! It’s just too funny!"
"If you think that turkey is expensive, just try a side of green beans!"
"I love turkey. It’s a great way to eat a lean protein, unless you add gravy, and stuffing, and, well, y’know what…"
"I can’t believe I’m stuffing a turkey! That’s a horrible thing to say!"
"I’m just here for the turkey and the stuffing. Everything else is just a side dish!"
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"An optimist is a person who thinks that turkey is what they’ll be eating at Thanksgiving!"
"Turkey: the only type of bird that can be a meal, a mascot, and a punchline!"
"I told my wife I wanted to die like my grandfather—peacefully in my sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car!"
"You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy turkey, and that’s kind of the same thing."
"What do you call a turkey that tells jokes? A comedibird."
"Why was the turkey invited to join the band? Because it had the drumsticks!"
"I’m on the turkey diet: you eat a turkey and then rest."
"What’s a turkey’s favorite Thanksgiving movie? ‘A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving’!"
"Thanksgiving is the only time you can sit in front of a man and eat his food without having to smile!"
"If only turkeys could fly, Thanksgiving would be way more interesting!"
"Did you hear about the turkey that got arrested? He was caught with his hands in the stuffing jar!"
"Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks… and to find creative uses for all that leftover turkey!"
"I asked a turkey to lend me a hand… he just winged it!"
"Why do turkeys always go, ‘gobble, gobble’? Because they never learned good table manners!"
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"Why did the turkey sit on the egg? Because it wanted to hatch a plan!"
"If you can't be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you don't have: turkey leftovers!"
"Thanksgiving just gets me all warm and tingly inside. And my turkeys are not too happy about it."
"Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!"
"If you think the turkey is fowl, wait till you hear the family stories!"
"Gobble 'til you wobble!"
"Turkeys are not just for Thanksgiving. They are for every day, ideally dressed up in Thanksgiving cliché!"
"What do you call a stuffed animal? A turkey!"
"I can’t believe I ate the whole turkey!"
"The only thing I know about turkey is that it has a nice flavor and I don’t want to meet one in person."
"There’s no such thing as a turkey that can run fast enough to avoid Thanksgiving."
"You can't roast turkey without humor!"
"A turkey can do more in one day than many men can do in a year."
"Thanksgiving: Bringing out the fun in dysfunctional families since 1621!"
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"May your Thanksgiving be full of stuffing and fewer contentious debates!"
"Let’s get basted!"
"Why was the turkey at the Thanksgiving party? Because he was stuffed!"
"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow—we might be in a food coma!"
"Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings—unless you're a turkey, then it's time to run!"
"A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues, unless it's a turkey’s heart waiting for the carving knife!"
"The turkey is a funny bird; we try to be fowl-free during Thanksgiving!"
"Feathers will fly if you don’t get that turkey dressed!"
"Thanksgiving: A time to eat turkey and try not to talk politics."
"What do turkeys give thanks for? To not be on someone’s dinner plate!"
"Turkeys prefer to trot while we gobble them up!"
"Thanksgiving: A time to embrace fullness with a side of laughter!"
"If you think being a turkey is hard, try being a family member trying to avoid questions at Thanksgiving dinner!"
"On Thanksgiving, we don’t roast just the bird, we roast the ideas too!"
"Why do turkeys always go ‘gobble, gobble’? Because they can't say, 'I'm stuffed!'"
"Thanksgiving is a time to gather together with family and friends to give thanks and eat too much. And by 'too much', I mean turkey."
"The turkey is a funny bird, for it can jump up high and flap its wings. But somehow it just can’t get away from the dinner table."
"I’m thankful for no one being allowed to serve turkey at my wedding."
"My favorite Thanksgiving tradition is balancing the turkey on my head while juggling mashed potatoes."
"I'm not saying you should dress a turkey like a chicken, but it's a funny thought!"
"The turkey is a bird that can fly, but the only place it flies is onto your dinner plate."
"Thanksgiving: a time to eat your feelings and laugh until your turkey pants burst."
"You can’t make everyone happy; you’re not a turkey!"
"I'm grateful for turkey, but I'm even more thankful that it's not living in my refrigerator."
"Why did the turkey sit on the egg? Because it wanted to hatch a good idea!"
"I’m just thankful to have a place to go on Thanksgiving to stuff my face with turkey!"
"What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving? Lucky!"
"A turkey’s favorite dance? The butterball!"
"Thanksgiving: when everyone gathers to eat, and you avoid the awkward questions by asking for more turkey."
"If you think about it, turkeys are just poultry's version of a couch potato."
"I hope you have a turkey time at Thanksgiving!"
"The only reason I don’t eat a turkey leg is that I might have to pick up strength training to carry it."
"Why was the turkey kicked out of the band? Because it kept using its beak!"
"What did the turkey say to the computer? ‘Google, google!’"
"It’s not Thanksgiving until you ask someone to pass the pie and introduce them to your turkey!"
"Every turkey is a little bit of a comedian. Just give them a stage… and an oven."
"I thought I was going to die from laughing too hard at the Thanksgiving turkey jokes!"
"Thanksgiving is the season of giving thanks… and roast turkey that doesn’t stand a chance."
"I'm thankful for the turkey that's just too big for my oven! It makes the leftovers even more epic."
"Why did the turkey get a turkey leg? He had great ‘poultry’ power!"
"I’m not really a turkey person. But I’m a great believer in the turkey, that it’s an American tradition, and I do love Thanksgiving."
"If I was a turkey, I would unite everyone on Thanksgiving and let them know the truth. I would tell them that I'm not just a meal, I'm a feeling."
"There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will get that joke about Thanksgiving."
"The turkey is a funny bird. It just can’t seem to get up in the air!"
"I’m thankful for each and every day. Except Sunday. That’s the day I have to catch the turkey to cook for Thanksgiving."
"May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump, may your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump."
"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet!"
"Thanksgiving is so many things to so many people. To the turkey, it’s a day of doom."
"Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, but also to count the calories in turkey."
"I can't wait to eat turkey and Thanksgiving leftovers until I no longer have to wear pants."
"Turkey: the only animal that can be eaten for a week and still give you leftovers!"
"Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!"
"Thanksgiving is a time for family, friends, and turkey. Mostly turkey."
"A turkey once discovered that it was Friday. Since it was so close to Thanksgiving, it opted to run for its life!"
"You know you’ve eaten too much turkey when you have to decide to sit or lay down!"
"If you think you’re too fat for Thanksgiving, try and walk a mile… farmer style."
"What’s a turkey’s favorite dessert? Peacan pie!"
"I told my wife I wanted to help with Thanksgiving dinner. She said, 'Great! You can carve the turkey.' I said, 'No, I just want to help!'"
"Thanksgiving just proves that it is the only day of the year when it is acceptable to eat an entire turkey by yourself!"
"It’s not the turkey that makes you happy. It’s the stuffing and the mashed potatoes."
"Why did the turkey go to the pop concert? He heard the drumsticks were great!"
"Nothing says love like a turkey sandwich!"
"Thanksgiving: when you can have a turkey hug… without the calories."
"Remember, a turkey voted for Christmas!"
"Turkey is the wonder food. It brings people together!"
"Save a turkey, eat pizza!"
"The turkey is like a president, you don't know whether to love it or to hate it."
"Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants."
"I can’t wait to get home and have dinner with my family... I’ll be thinking of that turkey the whole time."
"My favorite part of Thanksgiving is the leftovers. That’s when I can eat like a king without any thoughts of dieting."
"Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best and worst in family for generations."
"A turkey is for life, not just for Thanksgiving."
"The biggest turkey this Thanksgiving will undoubtedly be the one who tries to carve the turkey without a plan."
"Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings and the number of calories you’ll regret later."
"I can’t believe I’m going to be picking turkey out of my teeth for the next three days."
"I am grateful for the turkey, but I am also grateful that I will not be the turkey this year."
"If you think about it, for hundreds of years people have gathered around a large bird to celebrate. Talk about tradition!"
"The reason they call it ‘Thanksgiving’ is because it’s the one day you can really give thanks for your turkey without feeling guilty."
"Eat turkey and pass out. That’s my Thanksgiving routine."
"The turkey is a symbol of peace, love, and great food... and also of great regret the following morning."
"Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. You get to eat as much turkey as you want, and nobody judges you afterward."
"Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken!"
"I'm so glad you let me carve the turkey today, because it takes the heat off my cooking!"
"I don’t know what my family is thankful for, but I’m pretty sure it’s that the turkey didn’t make anyone sick this year."
"When it comes to Thanksgiving, I’m all about that turkey... and the naps that follow!"
"My Thanksgiving dinner is a perfect blend of family, friends, and a whole lot of turkey."
"Thanksgiving dinner: the one meal that guarantees you’ll be in a food coma at some point!"
"If turkey is the main event at Thanksgiving, then let’s hope it doesn’t steal the show!"
"I told my family I’d bring dessert, but I think I’ll just bring a 'turkey busters' kit."
"On Thanksgiving, my favorite exercise is running back for a second helping of turkey!"
"What did the turkey say to the computer? 'Google, google.'"
"Don't make me carve the turkey without a sip of wine first!"
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