126 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Pot.
"I think people need to be educated about marijuana. It's not a drug, it's a plant. It’s the most natural thing in the world that God put on this earth for us to enjoy."
"Marijuana is not the cure for cancer, but it can help you deal with the side effects of cancer treatment. And it’s one way to avoid the illness altogether."
"I believe that weed is not a drug but a plant, and I agree with the myth that it has negative effects, like losing a few brain cells. But frankly, some of the best days I’ve had were weed days."
"There’s a fine line between a nap and a coma."
"I used to be a drug addict. Now I'm just a guy who has a drug problem."
"I smoke pot because I want to be a better cook."
"There’s nothing wrong with marijuana. It’s actually good for you, but it’s also habit forming. Just don’t let it mess up your life."
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"I never thought I’d have to say this, but you don’t really want to have a joint with me when I’m sober. It’s not fun."
"I think if you’re a parent, there’s no way you can be a total asshole if you smoke weed. It makes you laugh at least!"
"I can’t wait for the day they legalize marijuana and we can finally consider ourselves adults."
"Marijuana is a flower, not a poison. If only everybody could see that."
"To me, it’s not just about smoking marijuana. It’s about bringing people together."
"Marijuana is the gateway drug? No, it’s the exit ramp."
"The worst part about being a pothead is having to actually remember where you put all your stuff."
"If you’re not taking your weed seriously, you’re not doing it right."
"As soon as I hit the weed, everything just seems a lot more funny."
"Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day."
"I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist."
"I don’t always smoke weed, but when I do, I prefer to keep it legal."
"Weed: because some days need a little extra relaxation."
"There’s no such thing as a bad weed day. Just bad attitudes."
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"If weed were a person, I would marry it."
"I got 99 problems, but a joint ain’t one."
"Love is the drug, and marijuana is the flower."
"I don’t always roll a joint, but when I do, I make sure it’s a masterpiece."
"When life hands you lemons, trade them for weed."
"The only thing I smoke is my competition."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I don't always get high, but when I do, I prefer to do it with friends."
"Marijuana: because sometimes, you just need to forget about everything and giggle."
"I have a friend who is a pothead and I tried to get him to join me in my fitness program. He said he couldn’t run because he was afraid he’d drop his joint."
"I can’t do it all. I’m not like these people who are so organized with their weed. I’m a little chaotic."
"My doctor said I need to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
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"They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy weed, and that's kind of the same thing."
"You know you’re a pothead when your favorite part of the game is the halftime show."
"If we didn't have this unique treasure in our lives we wouldn’t know how to be happy."
"When I weed, I stumble upon so many great ideas that I often forget about them by the time I get to write them down."
"The worst part about getting high is that you don’t get to experience it until you’re sober."
"Smoke a little weed, and suddenly everything becomes, like, way better."
"All I really want to do is smoke weed and watch tropical fish."
"I don’t have a big appetite, just a big stash of munchies."
"Pot is the only drug that when you do it, makes you feel like you can do something. Too bad you never know what that something is."
"You know you're a stoner when you don't even remember your friends' names, but you can name every strain of weed you’ve ever smoked."
"What’s the deal with weed? It makes you forget your problems, unless your problem is that you can’t find your weed."
"I believe in a world where I can eat what I want, sleep how long I want, and do all the weed I want without judgment."
"I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night."
"I've never met a donut I didn't like, unless I was too high to find it."
"Pot’s not my vice, it’s my favor."
"I can’t remember if I’m high right now or if I just think I’m high."
"I'm not a bad guy. I don't smoke weed. I mean, I do, but it doesn't make me a bad guy."
"I think people need to be made aware of how much they love pot."
"Some of my favorite people are stoners. You're not going to find a more loyal group of friends."
"I don't think marijuana is the same as alcohol. I think marijuana is a lot less dangerous than alcohol."
"My pot dealer is the only one who can get me high and not charge me any money."
"I used to have a drug problem, now I make enough money."
"I find it kind of strange that we call it 'smoking weed.' I mean, is there any 'smoking furniture'? No, it's just weed!"
"Marijuana is a really good drug. When I have trouble sleeping, I just get high and all my problems dissolve."
"If you remember the '60s, you weren't there."
"They say the best things in life are free. Well, if you didn't have to pay for weed, that would be the case. But you do!"
"I’m in my own little world. But it’s okay. They know me here."
"I used to smoke weed regularly, but I don't anymore. I now prefer to greedily eat snacks instead."
"To me, weed is kind of like health food. Like, I want to eat organic and locally grown. Unless it's been really heavily processed."
"I’d quit smoking, but I’m not a quitter."
"You know, I love the smell of napalm in the morning... but I love the smell of weed all day long!"
"I’d rather be high than sober. It’s just a better time."
"If you’re too high to do anything else, just remember, you can always just stare at the wall."
"There’s a lot of freedom in this life. If you make money, you can do whatever you want. Like smoke pot!"
"I don’t have a drug problem; I have a 'good time' problem."
"If you don't like marijuana, you're a liar. You'd rather be right than happy?"
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
"Why do they call it marijuana? Because 'you lift my spirits' sounded too corny."
"Every friend I have lives in an apartment. It’s true! So I go to my friend's houses and I walk in and there’s just a giant cloud of weed. I can't breathe in there."
"Smoking pot is a deeply personal journey that takes place on the couch."
"I got a weed-whacker. It's a little thing you plug in and it goes ‘zzzzt’ and weed dies. I see them out there, and I know there’s a war on drugs, but I think it should be a war on weeds."
"Marijuana is the only thing that I know of that you can smoke and then eat. Everything else that you eat you want to throw up after you smoke it. Except for pot."
"The only thing I ever stole was a pack of gum from the corner store when I was a kid. Well, that and a bunch of weed, but that was just for personal use."
"I used to smoke pot. I had a real problem. Now I just smoke other people's pot."
"You know you're a stoner when your friends break out the snacks before you even light up."
"My favorite dish is the pot pie. I like the sound of it. It sounds just like it should be eaten with a chicken or a dog or something!"
"I don't care what people say. I'm going to keep smoking, even when I get older. My dad smokes weed and he thinks there's nothing wrong with it. He’s the reason I smoke!"
"The first time I smoked pot, I didn't understand why I would want to 'get higher.' But now, I would recommend it — highly!"
"I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. I want to be a pothead!"
"I think weed should be legal, and I also think it should be in the school curriculum because it teaches you everything you need to know about mediocrity."
"I wonder if there’s a pot joke in here somewhere? My mind is a little hazy..."
"If you’re not a little bit high, you’re not even trying! That’s my advice."
"Nothing like a bit of weed to mellow out a stressful day. That's why I always bring a joint to a knife fight."
"I've enjoyed pot. I've also enjoyed tequila, and it’s a much worse habit for you."
"The law of supply and demand is the same whether you’re talking about marijuana or haircuts: If the price goes down, more people will buy it."
"I prefer to use pot as a tool to achieve my goals, rather than just a distraction. Kind of like the guy who uses a paintbrush to draw attention to himself while smoking."
"I tried to give up weed, but I didn't feel like being unproductive all day!"
"I don't need drugs to think you’re an idiot."
"Weed may not affect your life, but it can make a boring dinner with your relatives much more bearable."
"I can't get high if I don't have any weed. But I can still get angry!"
"Everyone is getting so serious about this whole 'pot' thing. It’s just a little herb that brings people together. Like, 'What are you doing this weekend? Let’s just chill out and smoke!'"
"I didn't inhale. I was just holding it in my lungs for science!"
"When people ask me if I smoke pot, I say, 'Only when I'm trying to remember where I put the Siri remote.'"
"You can't blame a person who wants to make a garden out of their life; they just want to have a little weed and grow."
"I have an issue with the idea that marijuana leads to other drugs. The only thing that has ever led me to take another drug is not enough pizza after a pot party!"
"I have never, ever, ever in my life, been high, and I can't say the same for my milkman."
"Marijuana is not a drug, it's a plant. It grows like a weed and is used by people all over the world."
"I was going to make a joke about weed, but I had to weed out the bad ones."
"The only time I set the bar low is for limbo."
"When I was a kid, I inhaled frequently. That was the point."
"I don't know if I believe in reincarnation, but I think that I might have been a stoner in a past life."
"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
"I smoke pot and I love it. You can't change my mind about it."
"I told my doctor I wanted to be a little more active, so he told me to try doing yoga... I could have just smoked a little weed, but whatever."
"I think people should be free to smoke weed without worrying about losing their jobs. It's not like I'm going to technical support to fix my computer stoned."
"If you can't laugh at yourself, then you might as well be smoking something."
"To me, the only thing that really matters is the joy of living your life. And for me, that means smoking a little green every now and then."
"I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life."
"They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye."
"You know you’re a stoner when your favorite part of the day is when the sun goes down."
"Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans... and smoking a blunt!"
"I think we need to recognize that marijuana is a shrub, it’s not a drug."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"The only reason I smoke weed is because I can’t afford the kind of pain medication that works for me."
"I used to smoke a lot of pot, but I don’t remember what I was going to say about it."
"I can't comprehend a world without weed, that would be a dark place."
"I don’t always smoke pot, but when I do, I prefer to do it with friends."
"Roger Ebert once said that ‘I never met a plant I didn't like.’ Well, I'm here to say I have done just that."
"You know you’re a stoner when you pull up to a green light and wait for it to turn red."
"If smoking weed is wrong, I don't want to be right."
"I like my weed like I like my coffee... strong and keeping me awake!"
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