115 result(s) for Funny Merry Christmas Quotes.
"I told Santa you were good this year. He hasn't stopped laughing since."
"It's the most wonderful time of the year... to be a kid in a candy store with lots of sugar. Merry Christmas!"
"I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange."
"Merry Christmas! May you have twenty pounds of turkey and eat every bite!"
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your joy."
"Dear Santa, I want a fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix these up like you did last year."
"What's the best thing about Christmas? You can eat as much pie as you want without guilt."
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"I thought I was too old to believe in Santa Claus. But after the last Christmas party, I changed my mind."
"There’s no Christmas without my family. They are like my Christmas ornaments. Beautiful, sparkly, and a bit crazy."
"Nothing says holidays like a cheese log."
"If you can’t find a good Christmas gift for someone, just give them a calendar. It’ll remind them how old they are."
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick... even when you're home."
"A Christmas sweater is a garment worn to declare to the world that you have enough money to buy Christmas gifts."
"I’m dreaming of a white Christmas... but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!"
"You know you’re getting old when Santa begins to look younger."
"Every year, I look forward to the holiday season, where I can eat too much and not feel guilty about it."
"Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever."
"I’m not sure what Santa will be bringing me this year, but I’m hoping it’s his famous cookie recipe!"
"May your days be merry and bright, and may your Christmas be sprinkled with laughter and love."
"Christmas: The only time of year it’s socially acceptable to sip coffee out of a giant mug with snowmen on it."
"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."
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"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year."
"I think my neighbor is stalking me. She's been Googling my name on her computer. We have a lot in common. We both love Christmas. She's been up all night listening to Christmas music. I'm not sure how she knows this, but she's been watching my heart. I'm terrified."
"Instead of a Christmas card, I’m sending you a Christmas hug. But if you don’t like hugs, you can pretend it's a muffin. Merry Christmas!"
"My husband’s idea of a Christmas gift is to find out what I want and then buy it for his boyfriend."
"Merry Christmas! May your happiness be large and your bills be small."
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick— even when you're home."
"Don't let the past steal your present. This year, for Christmas, I want to make it clear that you are my gift."
"The four stages of life: You believe in Santa Claus. You don't believe in Santa Claus. You are Santa Claus. You look like Santa Claus."
"Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Well, most of the time. Once in a while, I’ll slip. But I’m still ahead of the game."
"What I really want for Christmas is for all these fattening foods to be free of guilt!"
"There are a lot of things that we can’t explain, like the reasons why Christmas comes early every year. But one thing is for sure: I’ll be ready to give my heart away once again!"
"Some people are making a difference and you are eating the difference between your Christmas cake and my Christmas cake!"
"May your Christmas be filled with joy, laughter, and a little bit of wine. Cheers!"
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"If you can’t find a Christmas gift for everyone, at least send them a card saying Merry Christmas in your best handwriting!"
"It's the most wonderful time of the year, but it's also the most expensive time of the year."
"Nothing says Christmas like a half-eaten cookie in a brightly colored wrapping paper!"
"Christmas is a time to sit around and do nothing. I don't think that's an exaggeration!"
"Let’s be honest, Christmas is mostly about the food. The presents are secondary!"
"Oh! What’s that? A fruitcake? I must have been a really bad person this year."
"I love Christmas because it’s the only time I can commit gluttony and get away with it!"
"Forget the past. You can’t change it. Forget the present. I didn’t buy you one."
"I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!"
"At Christmas, tea time is a time for peace and goodwill, a time of joy and laughter, a time for sharing with loved ones."
"Nothing like a little Christmas spirit... especially if you drop it in a glass of eggnog!"
"The only time of year I can tolerate fruitcake is during the holidays, and only with a hefty helping of rum!"
"Dear Santa, I can explain..."
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you're home."
"I told Santa you were good this year. He hasn’t stopped laughing since!"
"It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and I really do mean that... especially if there’s wine involved."
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."
"There are too many things that can go wrong at Christmas, but that’s what makes it funny!"
"I have a new motto for the holidays: Accessorize, accentuate, but never over-commit."
"Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks."
"It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list."
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your money or your joy."
"Holiday shopping is hard. You have to decide whether to give the gift of love or the gift of practicality—like socks!"
"Old-fashioned elves are so last season. This year, we’re going for the modern Santa vibe!"
"‘Tis the season to be jolly... and by jolly, I mean getting fat on cookies!"
"If December could talk, it would ask, 'Seriously, why did we think eating cookies for breakfast was a good idea?'"
"You know what’s nice about Christmas? It lasts for a couple of weeks, then you can eat your way through the New Year!"
"Bah, humbug! Just kidding. Merry Christmas!"
"I put so much thought into my Christmas shopping that now it’s March and my husband still hasn’t gotten his present."
"May your holidays be filled with joy, laughter, and enough fruitcake to last until next Christmas!"
"Christmas time... A great time to exchange gifts and drink too much hot cocoa!"
"The true spirit of Christmas is being able to spend time with family and friends—especially if they bring the snacks!"
"I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red."
"Christmas is a time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered."
"I can't wait to decorate the tree, hang the stockings, and blame it all on the dog."
"What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!"
"My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to drink whiskey in the shed."
"It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Unless you’re single, then it’s a nightmare!"
"Dear Santa, I want a fat bank account and a slim body. Please don’t mix them up again."
"I thought I saw Santa Claus, but it was just my neighbor wearing a red suit."
"When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas."
"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want, and adults pay for it."
"If you think that the 'nutcracker' is a festive movie, just wait until you see how nuts my family is."
"Holiday shopping is a great way to spend money you don’t have on gifts people don’t want."
"There are two kinds of people in this world: People who love Christmas, and people who work in retail."
"Santa Claus is real; it’s just that he is waiting for that perfect Christmas gift from you!"
"I love Christmas! I receive a lot of gifts. The only problem is that I have to buy them for myself."
"Nothing says holiday spirit like a cluttered living room and a cat in a tree."
"Christmas is like a big hug that lasts for a month."
"I'm so glad we can leave the Christmas shopping until December 24th!"
"I’m just trying to avoid the Christmas calories. I’ve ordered a salad, but it’s a holiday salad with cookies!"
"Who needs a live Christmas tree when we have the same two ornaments we’ve used for the last decade?"
"Tis the season to be jolly, or at least to fake it in front of your in-laws."
"The only thing I love more than Christmas is the 'after Christmas sale'."
"One of the best parts of Christmas is the food—but let’s be honest, isn't that every holiday?"
"I thought I could make it through the holidays without a single Christmas cookie. Then I remembered, I'm a liar."
"Merry Christmas! May your family be functional and all your batteries be included."
"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered."
"Dear Santa, I can explain!"
"There's a fine line between a long holiday and a long holiday shopping list."
"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
"I’m going to be unwrapping my Christmas presents in the living room, ‘cause Santa’s really got the spirit of giving."
"I hope Rudolph eats the naughty list."
"Nothing says holiday cheer like a kid standing in front of the mall Santa and telling him everything I’ve ever done wrong."
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."
"If you don’t believe in Santa, you get underwear."
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick — even when you’re home."
"I left Santa a note saying ‘I’ve been good all year’… so why is he not responding?"
"At Christmas, all roads lead home."
"You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger."
"It’s the most wonderful time of the year… unless you’re taking care of the decorations."
"I’m dreaming of a white Christmas… but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red."
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first — your money or your feet."
"The three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus."
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas—at some point, can we just call it 'look how broke I am'?"
"A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world!,"
"I hate Christmas. I’m allergic to snow."
"Christmas is a magical time of year, just don’t get too magical with your credit card."
"The only time I set the bar low is for limbo."
"Christmas: The only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks."
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