87 result(s) for Funny Marriage Quotes.
"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
"I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it."
"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards."
"A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband."
"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them."
"Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, then you wake up."
"I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen."
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"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
"The best marriage advice: Get the spark back with some electricity."
"A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day."
"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once."
"In my house, I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker."
"Marriage is a workshop... where the husband works and the wife shops."
"Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one."
"Before marriage, a man will lay down his life for you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper."
"Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind."
"The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I’ll do the dishes.'"
"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up."
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"Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash."
"The surest way to be alone is to get married."
"Being a husband is like any other job; it helps a lot if you like the boss."
"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."
"In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."
"Marriage is sharing life with your best friend, enjoying the journey along the way, and arriving at every destination together."
"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway."
"Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops."
"Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three meals a day, sharing the workload and remembering to carry out the trash."
"I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me."
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
"Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose."
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"Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else."
"Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one."
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without."
"The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'"
"Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband."
"Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?"
"Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity."
"To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong – admit it. Whenever you're right – shut up."
"A happy marriage is a new beginning of life, a new starting point for happiness and usefulness."
"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are."
"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it."
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade."
"All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble."
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards."
"Marriage is a long meal with dessert at the beginning."
"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me."
"A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal."
"Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them."
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up."
"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife."
"Marriage is like a hot bath; once you get used to it, it's not so hot."
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
"Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you."
"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open."
"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has."
"Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life."
"The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once."
"Marriage is a workshop... where the husband works and the wife shops!"
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you will wish you had a club and a spade."
"Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, almost impossible."
"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war."
"If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears!"
"Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash."
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short."
"The first duty of love is to listen."
"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do."
"Success in marriage is more than finding the right person. It is becoming the right person."
"Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner."
"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them."
"Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight."
"Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up."
"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out."
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."
"In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes."
"The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don't find very often, then that is what love is all about."
"The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that."
"Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers."
"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."
"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again."
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