133 result(s) for Funny Madea Quotes.
"I am not a tiger, I am a lion, baby! Don't mess with me!"
"I don't want to hear it from you. You are the reason why I keep my mouth closed!"
"Happiness is not about having everything you want; it's about enjoying what you have!"
"You better get out of my way before I slap you into next week!"
"I don't care if the world is falling apart; I am still going to enjoy my day!"
"You think I'm crazy? Honey, I don't walk with the wind; I am the wind!"
"God bless you, but you have to know how to bless yourself too!"
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"I may look like a sweet old lady, but trust me, I've got some fight in me!"
"You can take the girl out of the hood, but you can never take the hood out of the girl!"
"If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything!"
"I run this house like I do my life: with an iron fist!"
"Don’t mess with my family; I will unleash the beast!"
"I’m like a fine wine, I get better with age—but don’t you dare test me!"
"You gotta laugh in the face of adversity—even if the joke’s on you!"
"Don’t bring me no mess; I’ve got enough of my own!"
"Life is too short to be serious all the time. If you can't laugh, you need to go home!"
"I know a thing or two about life, and it’s all about survival!"
"You want to succeed in life? Sit up straight and stop whining!"
"I’m proud of who I am, and if you don’t like it, you can step!"
"Sometimes a good comeback is all you need!"
"I’m not just a grandmother, I’m a force to be reckoned with!"
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"You can’t fix stupid, but you can sure try!"
"Honey, I am a blessing and a curse all at the same time!"
"Don’t underestimate a woman with a plan!"
"It’s not the situation that gets you; it’s how you handle it!"
"I’m gonna put some joy in your life, one way or another!"
"Life is a gift; don’t be a fool and waste it!"
"I can do bad all by myself."
"You ain't gotta fight; you just gotta take your wig off and show them who you really are."
"Girl, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself!"
"Somebody's gonna have to call the police before I get my gun."
"If you don't know how to worry, you should be worried."
"I ain't got time to play with you, I’m trying to get my life together!"
"What don’t kill you makes you stronger, but what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I’m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand."
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"I don't have to prove anything to you; you're not my mama!"
"You need to fix your face before you fix your mouth!"
"You don’t know what you missed, honey! You gotta get out in the world."
"Oh, you so fancy, huh? I'm still gonna kick your tail!"
"Don't make me go full Madea on you!"
"I know it’s hard, baby, but you can't let it break you!"
"You cannot heal what you do not reveal."
"The only way to grow is to sometimes get your feelings hurt."
"You can't change the people around you, but you can change the people around you."
"You thought I was finished? Oh, no, baby!"
"Sometimes you just gotta let people go."
"Quit whining and get a life!"
"Love your neighbor, but don't take the fence down."
"Your past does not define you."
"You can’t run from your problems, they will always catch up!"
"If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to be pretty stupid."
"You are the master of your own emotions."
"Let me tell you something, baby, I’m tired!"
"Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies."
"I’m gonna pray for you, because I really can’t stand you right now!"
"I’m not a woman to be trifled with! You got the wrong one!"
"I’m too blessed to be stressed!"
"What you won’t do is lay your hands on me!"
"You better get outta my face before I really throw a cane at you!"
"Sometimes a little bit of crazy is what it takes to keep things interesting!"
"Girl, let me tell you something: life is too short to be broke!"
"You need to get your life together, girl!"
"I'm not gonna let nobody ruin my day. Nobody!"
"Now, I ain't saying I'm a gold digger, but I ain't messing with no broke men!"
"If you don't leave the house looking good, you might as well stay home!"
"You got to love yourself before you can love somebody else."
"Death ain't nothing but a number; you just ain't here no more."
"Ain’t nobody got time for that!"
"I’m gonna slap you so hard, you’ll see stars and hear music!"
"You need to keep your mouth closed so you don't make your face look old!"
"You better pray and keep your faith, 'cause there ain't nobody here to save you!"
"I’m just an old lady trying to keep it real!"
"You don't run my life - you can't even run your own!"
"I'm a woman of many faces, but my favorite is 'Get out of my way!'"
"You need to stop focusing on all that mess and get to the root of your problems!"
"Even when life gets hard, I’m gonna keep it funny!"
"You keep throwing your life away, but I’m saving every penny!"
"Laugh at the dark times; they’re just comics waiting to happen."
"Somebody needs to pray for you; I’m just the messenger!"
"I’m not gonna play with you. You can’t be played with!"
"I’m not trying to be a mother to you, I’m trying to be a friend. A friend you can’t get rid of."
"If you don’t like my attitude, quit talking to me."
"God don’t want you with nobody that’s gonna bring you down."
"I don’t know what you’re talking about, honey. I’m just trying to get my piece of the pie."
"I’m a lot of things, but stupid ain’t one of them."
"Don’t make me get my rolling pin."
"You gonna learn today."
"Now you know what to do with your face when you’re trying to hide your tears."
"I’m gonna tell you something, there’s a world out there waiting for you, and it’s not gonna make you happy."
"If you can’t get it together, I’ll help you get it together."
"You can’t control what people say, but you can control how you respond."
"I know what you’re thinking: ‘Why did I come to see Madea?’ And, honey, I’m thinking the same thing."
"You think I’m going to let you be in charge? Ha! Not a chance, baby."
"I ain’t got time for this foolishness!"
"Look, I don’t care what your friends say; you’re still mine."
"I’m not going to let you mess up your life because you’re too busy trying to impress other people."
"Let me tell you something, baby. You gotta love yourself first."
"Sometimes you gotta be tough with folk."
"I’m not here to kill your dreams, I’m here to help you understand reality."
"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, but don’t squeeze those lemons in my eye!"
"It’s not about having what you want; it’s about making what you have work."
"I’m gonna tell you the truth whether you want to hear it or not."
"If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything."
"You better stop crying before I give you something to cry about!"
"I run this house, and if you don’t like it, you can get out!"
"I’m just a girl who loves her family and y’all are my family."
"You can laugh at all my jokes, but deep down... you better take me serious!"
"I ain't worried about you, 'cause you ain't worried about me."
"You can do bad all by yourself."
"Somebody's got to be the adult in the room, and, honey, it ain't gonna be me."
"Don't make me go all Madea on you!"
"I know you ain’t just hit me! You must've lost your mind!"
"I have a right to be crazy; it’s a free country."
"Girl, you can't tell me nothing! I am Madea!"
"You got to be good to your mama, she’s all you got."
"Just because you’re dressed like a hoochie doesn’t mean you are one!"
"I ain't got no time for no foolishness!"
"You ain’t gotta go home, but you gotta get the heck outta here!"
"Sometimes you have to let people go; it don't mean you don't love 'em."
"If you don't get your life together, I'm gonna be throwing some chairs around!"
"Honey, I'm gonna tell you right now, you don’t need no man to define you!"
"I already told you, I ain't nobody's babysitter!"
"God ain't through with me yet!"
"You need to check yourself before you wreck yourself!"
"Listen, baby, don’t let nobody take you from your peace!"
"You can be strong without being mean!"
"I’m not just a funny lady; I’m a wise lady!"
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade—but don’t forget the sugar!"
"Life is too short to take too seriously."
"Don't let nobody tell you you can't!"
"I've seen the top of the mountain, and it’s beautiful!"
"Keep your head up, and your mouth shut!"
"You can't have your cake and eat it too, but you can bake another cake!"
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