83 result(s) for Funny Chuck Norris Quotes.
"Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas."
"Chuck Norris doesn't play God. Playing God is for amateurs. Chuck Norris plays Chuck Norris."
"When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down."
"If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google, it doesn't say, 'Did you mean Chuck Norris?' It simply replies, 'Sorry, you meant Chuck Norris.'"
"The boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris before going to bed."
"Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they are just called 'The Islands.'"
"Chuck Norris’s shadow has a gym membership."
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"Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Frostbite gets Chuck Norris."
"Chuck Norris’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris."
"If Chuck Norris was a vegetable, he’d be a cutecumber."
"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live."
"Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."
"Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head."
"Chuck Norris's blood type is AK-47."
"Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves."
"The only thing we have to fear is Chuck Norris."
"Chuck Norris's jokes are so powerful that they can kill you."
"When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down."
"Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They’re now just called The Islands."
"Chuck Norris can slap you so hard, your great-grandchildren will feel it."
"The only person who can beat Chuck Norris at a game of chess is Chuck Norris."
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"Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants."
"Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry."
"Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs."
"Chuck Norris can make a blind man see, and a deaf man hear, with just one punch."
"When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on. He turns the dark off."
"Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS. He decides where he is."
"Chuck Norris is the only person who can slam a revolving door."
"There is no theory of evolution; just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live."
"Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch; he decides what time it is."
"Chuck Norris's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through."
"Chuck Norris can speak braille."
"Chuck Norris's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris."
"Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe; he holds air hostage."
"Every time Chuck Norris smiles, a child is born. But they’re all named Chuck."
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"Chuck Norris can make fire by rubbing two wet noodles together."
"Chuck Norris’s laugh made the meta-universe fold in on itself."
"Chuck Norris can write a best-selling novel… in pencil."
"The only reason the world is round is because Chuck Norris has kicked it."
"Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down."
"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."
"There’s no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There’s only another fist."
"When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on. He turns the dark off."
"Chuck Norris doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths."
"Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories."
"Chuck Norris programs in binary, because he only needs two numbers: 0 and Chuck Norris."
"If Chuck Norris was a vegetable, he’d be a Chuck 'norris.'"
"Chuck Norris can make a snowman out of rain."
"The Chuck is strong with this one."
"Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."
"The Great Wall of China was originally pitched to be called 'Chuck Norris's Favorite Speed Bump.'"
"Chuck Norris doesn’t do cardio; he runs God."
"Aliens fear Chuck Norris."
"Chuck Norris’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through."
"When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he's not lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down."
"Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird."
"When Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital."
"Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep; he waits."
"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."
"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."
"The only thing that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die is Chuck Norris."
"Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice."
"Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down."
"There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allowed to live."
"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."
"Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds."
"Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is."
"If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever."
"Chuck Norris doesn’t need a GPS. He decides where he is."
"The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake."
"When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on; he turns the dark off."
"There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist."
"Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle."
"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down."
"Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands. Now they are just called 'The Islands.'"
"The matrix doesn’t generate Chuck Norris; Chuck Norris generates the matrix."
"Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg."
"If Chuck Norris was a vegetable, he’d be a ‘coolcumber.’"
"Chuck Norris doesn’t read books; he stares them down until he gets the information he wants."
"Chuck Norris makes onions cry."
"Chuck Norris does not flush the toilet; he scares the waste down."
"Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain."
"Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves."
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