125 result(s) for Funny HR Quotes.
"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said."
"I am endlessly fascinated that playing football is a game of skill, much like a game of chess. In football, there are simply many more pieces to move."
"HR is like a dentist. Nobody likes it, but everybody needs it."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"In my experience, there is no such thing as a bad idea. Only badly executed ideas."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"If at first you don’t succeed, fix your HR strategy."
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"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"You can't be afraid of what people are going to say, because you're never going to make everyone happy."
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."
"If you’re going to be a failure, at least be one at something you enjoy."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"If I had a dollar for every time I said 'I love my job!', I would be a millionaire."
"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself."
"The best part of my job is that I can blame everything on HR."
"I’m on the patch today, and I’m bringing some very important things with me: food and sarcasm!"
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I'm not bossy. I just have better ideas."
"Work is a great source of frustration and meanness, but you can never pass up a chance for a good laugh."
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"My job is to give people good news and bad news. The good news is that you have a job. The bad news? It’s a Monday."
"I can’t believe I still have to give you a 1-hour lecture on basic etiquette."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"The only thing that will give you a greater headache than HR is not having an HR department."
"Anyone who thinks that job satisfaction is the key to happiness has never worked in HR."
"HR: Helping you find out what you're really good at—usually after you’ve been fired."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"Human resources: Because everyone needs someone to blame!"
"I have a peculiar talent for detecting nonsense. That's why I work in HR."
"The role of HR is like being an air traffic controller: you make sure everyone has a place to land safely, preferably on time."
"You can’t spell 'humor' without 'HR'. Wait, yes you can."
"If you think HR is boring, you haven’t met the wrong person yet."
"HR management is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do without them realizing it."
"The HR department: the only place where you can be incompetent and still expect a paycheck."
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"We’re not responsible for keeping your job, just your paychecks."
"HR: Turning coffee into resumes since forever!"
"Behind every great workforce, there’s a team of HR professionals wondering where they went wrong."
"In HR, we turn chaos into compliance, one policy at a time."
"HR jobs are never boring, they are just creatively challenging!"
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. Welcome to HR!"
"HR: Because retiring the 'everyone is a winner' mantra took too long."
"Job titles are like a love letter to your paycheck."
"HR doesn't just stand for Human Resources, it stands for Hilariously Ridiculous."
"We put the ‘fun’ in functional HR practices!"
"Human Resources: Penalizing workplace humor since the dawn of office cubicles."
"The best job in the HR department is the one where you never have to deal with actual humans."
"The only way to do great work in HR is to laugh at your own jokes."
"HR would be a lot better if it was just coffee breaks and no employees!"
"Puns make HR fun—just don’t take them literally!"
"I don’t want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me."
"I used to love working in HR until I realized that I could be just as happy doing nothing."
"The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen."
"HR: Helping you navigate the minefield of workplace chaos since forever."
"Some people dream of success, while others wake up and work hard at it. Then there's HR, who just dreams of a quiet workplace."
"The most important thing about HR is that we understand that nobody ever relished being managed."
"Dear HR, replacing me with a robot is just wrong. It's not the machine that needs to learn; it's YOU!"
"In HR, every day is like a roller coaster- lots of ups, downs, and occasionally someone loses their lunch!"
"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going. And HR is there to remind you of the rules!"
"HR is like a good marriage counselor; they make you realize that your issues are not as bad as you think."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"HR: Because apparently, 'just be nice' isn't enough."
"Human resources: We cannot fix your problems, but we can provide endless paperwork."
"Why do HR people love the workplace? Because it’s the only place where they can discuss policies and still get paid!"
"You can't teach employees to smile. They have to smile before you hire them."
"To work in HR: you have to love people, and you have to love paperwork. If those two don’t align, it's going to be a long day."
"Employee of the month is a good way to get people to work harder, as long as you don't tell them that's what you're doing."
"HR: Where great ideas come to die... along with the dreams of a paperless office."
"We're not a family. We're more like coworkers who occasionally recommend a good restaurant."
"The real challenge is not getting good employees, it's keeping them engaged while they navigate HR."
"HR is like a Google search, searching for the right talent in a sea of resumes."
"An employee’s getting sick and a bad attitude are probably just signs that they need to read the HR handbook more closely."
"We’re not here to be liked; we’re here to make you like your job more."
"In HR, you sometimes have to agree to disagree; otherwise, we’d have no time for pizza parties!"
"HR: where we take 'It's not you, it's me' to a whole new level."
"Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present."
"If you've got a job, you've got a job. If you work at a job, you get ahead."
"I think it’s important to have a good hard failure when you’re young. I learned a lot."
"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place."
"The trouble with referees is that they only know the rules."
"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours."
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
"You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?"
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I told my boss that three people were to be fired, and he said, 'Why?' I said 'Well, there are four people here.'"
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I had a job interview once and the interviewer asked me, 'What are your weaknesses?' I said, 'Telling the truth.'"
"To err is human, to really foul things up you need a computer."
"I always give 100% at work: 13% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, and 24% on Thursday and Friday."
"Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law."
"I told my boss, 'I need a raise.' 'Why?' he asked. 'Because my job is so easy,' I replied."
"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
"I changed my password to 'incorrect,' so whenever I forget it, it says, 'Your password is incorrect.'"
"I don’t always get my work done, but when I do, it’s usually not on the day I was supposed to."
"My boss said to me, 'You should start the day with a positive attitude.' I said, 'I don't have a problem with that.'"
"The management is the only department that needs a coffee break because they do all the work."
"I know I’m going to get fired from my job as a historian. I just can’t tell you the future."
"Some people dream of success, while other people get up every morning and make it happen."
"I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode."
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… and spiders."
"The best way to predict the future is to create it. Just don't forget to cover your ass while doing it!"
"There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. Or, you know, a really good HR department."
"The four most expensive words in the English language are, 'This time, it’s different.'"
"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter!"
"I like to think of myself as the 'Employee of the Month'... just every month."
"There's no 'I' in team, but there is a 'me' if you scramble it."
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it."
"Work is a necessary evil to be avoided."
"We are all in the same boat, unless we are in the break room."
"My boss told me to start the presentation without me; I guess that means I am fired!"
"The only mystery in life is why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"Behind every successful HR professional is a substantial amount of caffeine."
"Being an HR professional in a company is like being a lifeguard at a busy beach; some days you save lives and some days you just hope to survive."
"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will – and a good HR team."
"There is a fine line between a job well done and a job too well done."
"It's difficult to think outside the box when you're in the box with a bunch of other people."
"Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue."
"HR: Bringing the fun back into dysfunctional."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your HR manager told you to."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."
"In HR, we don't hire a 'person'; we hire a 'personality'."
"I told my boss that I needed a raise. He told me to get a job."
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