127 result(s) for Funny Dating Quotes.
"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"Dating is like riding a bike. You know, except the bike is on fire and you’re on fire and everything’s on fire because you’re in hell."
"I have a fear of dating. I always feel like I'm one broke pickup line away from being on a reality TV show."
"I told my therapist about my dating life. Now we just sit quietly and share a glass of wine."
"My love life is like a test: I studied hard for it, but everyone's confused about how I’m getting this grade."
"I once dated a guy for a while who would never stop talking about his ex. I finally told him if he didn’t stop, I’d have to date her instead."
"Dating is a competition to see who can pretend the least."
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"I would rather be single than in a relationship that makes me sad. That's why I date comedians."
"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But not literally. That’s just too much for the gym."
"I think my love life could be defined as a series of unfortunate dates."
"Dating is like a math problem. You have to figure out what you like, add it to what you don’t, and subtract the bad experiences."
"I’d hit on you, but I’m pretty sure I’d lose the battle."
"They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea. I just didn’t realize I was casting my line in a kiddie pool."
"I don’t know why they call them ‘crushes.’ I think they should call them ‘squishies’ because that’s what you feel when they don’t text you back."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it—especially on dates."
"If you're on a date and you don't have something funny to say, just tell them about your last date instead."
"Don’t worry; the right person is out there. Just keep your standards low."
"I used to think that if I found the right guy, everything would be perfect. Then I found out he was just a guy with a perfect Tinder profile."
"Being single is pretty good. I’m not worried about getting a date; I’m worried about keeping them away!"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I can’t find love, and I think I’m through."
"Dating is just a game of ‘What’s your favorite Netflix series?’"
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"Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap."
"In the dating world, it's highly important to find the right ‘word’ in your bio. Who knew survival would require pick-up lines?"
"The first date is like a job interview, except you need to impress them with your jokes instead of your resume."
"Why did the guy bring a ladder on the date? He heard the girl was a 10."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. So, if you're food, please swipe right."
"Dating is like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire and you're on fire and everything is on fire because you're in hell."
"I told my therapist about you. We laughed and then I joked that I will definitely need therapy after this date."
"I didn't believe in love at first sight until I saw my ex again."
"My love language is food. If you can cook, I might go on a second date."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"Dating is a lot like a software update. You get a notification that it's available, but are you sure you want to do it right now?"
"I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"I’ve been on a date with a baker; it was a piece of cake! And then we ate the cake."
"Dating: the art of finding the one person who's willing to share their fries."
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"Why did the man cross the road? It was a one-way street; he didn’t want to date anymore."
"Rejection is just a step to the app store to find more options."
"I've been single for so long, I don’t even have a ‘the one that got away’ story anymore."
"Date nights are great. I just don’t know when I will have the chance to wear pants again."
"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."
"If you think dating is hard, try being a married couple; that’s the real work."
"I wish I could be as thin as my patience after a bad date."
"The most exciting part of dating is when you realize that you are not alone in your weirdness."
"I went on a date with an introvert. We just sat in silence, and it was the best time ever!"
"Every time I go on a date, I'm reminded that cheeseburgers are cheaper than therapy."
"Dating someone who loves to cook is definitely a plus. Just let them do the dishes."
"A man who wants to date me has to understand right away: I am a package deal with my dog."
"I love to text during dates. My thumb says 'Yes!' but my heart says 'Run!'"
"In the process of dating, I’ve learned the importance of match-making and self-baking."
"Dating is like riding a bike: you have to pedal hard or you’ll just fall over."
"I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"I love you like a fat kid loves cake."
"If you’re single, just remember: you’re not alone. You’re just one person away from being in a relationship."
"I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole."
"Love is a lot like the lottery. You have to play for it, and there’s a good chance you’ll lose."
"Dating is all about the first date and the last date."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. Especially on a date!"
"We all have that one person we think about when we hear a love song… and that person is our therapist."
"My boyfriend and I met on the internet, and my mother asked him what line he used to get me. He said, '404: Not Found.'"
"I once dated a girl with a polar bear. It was not very cool."
"A guy told me I was like the moon; I have a dark side and I also have a giant crater."
"They say that love is blind, but I think it’s just really bad at math."
"My love language is food. Order me dinner and I will love you forever."
"If love is a game, I hope it’s a video game, because I only like those when they’re easy."
"I was playing hide and seek and I found my boyfriend, but he was hiding in the fridge. I asked him why and he said he needed to chill."
"Dating a man is like riding a bike. If you fall off, just get back on!"
"I don’t know if you’re cute or it’s just your profile picture under good lighting."
"Finding love is like a game of hide and seek. The harder you look, the less you find."
"Dating me is like being on a roller coaster. Ups, downs, and you might throw up."
"You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams... or just really good pizza."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!"
"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck to fund my dating habits."
"My ideal date would involve a romantic dinner and laughing at the absurdity of the fact that dating is a real-life thing."
"I don’t need a therapist. I have my cat."
"The only thing worse than dating me is not dating me."
"I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"Dating is like riding a bike. You just have to pretend it’s not broken and keep going."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"My love life is like a pyramid scheme. The outcomes are disappointing."
"I can’t believe I said that. I must be on a date!"
"I got a dating app, but my profile just says, ‘Send help.’"
"Love is blind, but dating is a real eye-opener."
"My partner and I met on a dating app. He swiped right, and I was on my way to swipe out."
"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."
"Relationships are like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?"
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
"I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up. I guess we're just not going to work out."
"If love is a game, I’m definitely losing."
"I think I’ll have to block you, but can we have one last date for closure?"
"Dating is a lot like fishing. You can put bait out, but what swims by might not be what you’re looking for."
"They say, ‘Don’t worry, be happy,’ but honestly, with my dating life, I’m stressing within the limits."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"Why did the two hearts break up? They were not right for each other; they had no chemistry."
"When you’re single, the only time you get to dress up is for a date – and that’s often a letdown."
"Being single is like being on a roller coaster: all the ups and downs without a partner to hold on to."
"Three dates and ice cream later, I realized he was just ‘a little extra’!"
"If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success."
"Dating someone just because they’re cute is like picking a book by its cover... and finding out it has no plot."
"Good relationship advice is just a collection of ‘don’ts’ that no one follows."
"My dating life is like a soap opera: too much drama and not enough realism."
"Dating is just the adult version of hanging out, minus the fun and more anxious conversation."
"I told my therapist about my dating life. She said it sounds like a sitcom without the laughter."
"They say love is blind. I guess that’s why we keep tripping over each other."
"Dating is like a job interview, except you’re the one who’s naked."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. Especially during dates."
"Dating is a lot like playing poker. You have to know when to hold 'em, and when to fold 'em."
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m just here for the dinner, how about you?"
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"Love is sharing your popcorn. Dating is asking if you want to go Dutch."
"The only thing I date is my calendar. And it’s fully booked."
"I’m looking for someone who is as photogenic as I am in a bad selfie."
"My love life is like a soap opera, filled with twists that never seem to resolve!"
"I told him I needed space. He packed his bags and left."
"Why did the girl bring a ladder to her date? Because she heard the guy was a keeper!"
"If you think dating is hard, try explaining your love life to your parents!"
"They say there's plenty of fish in the sea. I must be swimming in a pond."
"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it, especially during a date!"
"The only phrase I want to hear on a date is 'Let's split the bill.'"
"Dating is great, but have you tried cooking for one?"
"I'm at the age where my ideal relationship is a partner that doesn’t ruin my favorite show."
"Love is like a fart; if you have to force it, it’s probably crap."
"Dating should come with a warning label: May cause spontaneous dancing in the kitchen."
"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"
"I haven't been on a date in so long, I forgot my own name."
"Why are there no ‘ex’ in dating? Because they all seem to multiply!"
"I knew I was ready to date when I finally found a pair of matching socks."
"Dating is like a roller coaster: full of ups, downs, and some moments where you question your life choices."
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