128 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Pregnancy.
"I never knew how much I could love someone until I had a baby. Now I know how much I can complain, too."
"Pregnancy is the only time when you can be too full of something and still be hungry."
"I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or if I'm just really emotional, but if I see one more diaper commercial, I might start crying."
"You know you're pregnant when your 9-month-pregnant belly is the only thing that fits... or doesn’t fit."
"Pregnancy is a hilarious, beautiful, baffling thing. You're constantly tired, but you can't sleep; you're starving, but you can't eat."
"Being pregnant is like trying to fold a fitted sheet. No one really knows how."
"I'm a little concerned about how much I've let my belly go. It's like my toddler is using it as a climbing wall."
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"It's a great time to start a revolution: in my laziness, which will certainly go into overdrive after the baby arrives."
"I finally understand why animals eat their young. Have you heard that whiny crying? It’ll make you consider it!"
"Pregnancy is a condition that lasts nine months, and I think you can say that because it lasts nine months, it’s entirely possible you can lose your mind at some point!"
"There should be a special word for the instant you realize you're pregnant: shocking bliss."
"Being pregnant is like living in a soap opera. You have all the drama and none of the glamour."
"I've never been in labor, so I don't really know what it's like, but I can tell you this: it's going to be something."
"The only thing worse than the back pain? Giving birth to a nine-pound child without an epidural."
"When you're pregnant, you can just load up on chips and salsa and everyone thinks you're doing it for the baby."
"Pregnancy is like a walk in the park—as long as that park is Jurassic Park!"
"I'm going to be so tired after all this, I might really need a nap... for the next 10 years."
"The weirdest thing about being pregnant is that you can eat a taco and a donut at the same time, and people just say, 'Aww, she's pregnant!'"
"Half the time, I feel like a goddess; half the time, I just feel like a penguin."
"Some days, I wonder if I'll ever not be pregnant again. Other days, I'm just grateful for the snacks."
"I think I might start wearing my maternity dress for the rest of my life."
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"Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and stretching it over your head."
"Pregnancy is an experience you’ll never forget—mostly because you’ll be too busy trying to remember where you put your keys."
"I'm creating a human—what are your excuses for being lazy?"
"Before you got pregnant, you had to get the 'Why don’t you have kids?' talk. Now you’re wondering when people will stop asking you the same question."
"Pregnancy is the only time when you can be sad and happy at the same time."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure… especially since I got pregnant."
"If you think pregnancy is uncomfortable, try being the baby."
"The baby is the size of a grape. So why do I look like I’m carrying a watermelon?"
"I thought pregnancy was supposed to be a glow. Not a sweat!"
"I’m not saying I’m grumpy during pregnancy, but I did just get mad at a cereal box for not being microwaveable."
"Pregnancy: the only time in your life when you can be a 'human incubator' and look forward to it."
"I can’t believe I’m expected to push something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a dime."
"Pregnancy: a condition that makes women feel hot and cold, happy and cranky, hungry and nauseous, all at the same time!"
"I’m like a ninja in my sleep, avoiding any uncomfortable position for my baby."
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"So… I guess I was carrying the second coming of Christ in my belly!"
"Being pregnant is like being a contestant on a game show. You never know what the next challenge will be!"
"No one warned me that pregnancy would include constantly feeling like a human piñata."
"My baby is due on X day, but I’m already tired of waiting. Maybe I’ll just tackle this baby out myself!"
"Forget about the 'glow'—I’m definitely going for the 'flushed like a tomato' look."
"The only thing swollen is my entire life right now."
"I’m taking sign-ups for baby name suggestions… I promise I’ll not hold a grudge if I don’t pick yours!"
"Pregnancy is like a rollercoaster—lots of ups and downs, and you might just throw up at any moment!"
"Why do they call it morning sickness? It lasts all day and night!"
"I always thought it’d be cute to have a bump, now I realize it’s more of a 'bump you in the night' situation."
"All the books say the baby is the size of a fruit, no one mentions the ridiculous amount of food cravings that come with it."
"Now I can’t tell if my cravings are for food or just for sympathy."
"Expecting a baby is like expecting a surprise guest for dinner, only the surprise is always hungry and doesn’t leave for nine months."
"Every time someone tells me how cute my baby bump is, I want to point them to the stretch marks."
"The pregnancy glow is real… if glowing means a sweaty sheen from eating pickles and ice cream."
"You know you're pregnant when the baby's kicking is more rhythmic than your husband's snoring."
"I thought I was going to be a lot more of a ‘glow-y’ pregnant person. Turns out, my glow is more of a ‘sweating like a pig’ kind of vibe."
"Being pregnant is like a huge, exciting surprise that you can’t wait to unveil to everyone, and then realize that no one can actually see it for six months."
"I’m not sure if I’m pregnant or just really, really bloated."
"Pregnancy is a bit like having a period that lasts for nine months—except you can’t drink wine or eat sushi."
"Pregnancy: The only time in a woman's life she can be happy that someone is kicking her in the stomach."
"I finally feel like I am 'eating for two.' I just wish I could snack in private."
"There’s nothing like a little inspiration to make the next person in line at the salad bar find out they are pregnant too."
"I love being pregnant. It's like a soap opera that keeps changing every second."
"You can’t be too careful when you’re pregnant. You never know who you might inspire."
"The best part of being pregnant is getting to eat cake in bed without judgment."
"I feel like I’ve been pregnant for five years, and I’m only six months in."
"Pregnancy is the only time when it’s okay to drive like a maniac without judgment—especially when you've forgotten your prenatal vitamins."
"After nine months, people are still asking about my due date and it’s like, 'No, I was just looking for an excuse to eat massive quantities of cheese.'"
"Being pregnant means every time you walk into a room you’re met with people patting your stomach like it’s a genie lamp."
"If you think pregnancy is cute, you should try it without all the cute baby showers."
"Pregnancy is when you find out how much you actually like comfort food… which is also the reason why you'll be back in stretchy pants very soon!"
"There’s nothing quite like the joy of giving birth. Well, maybe an all-you-can-eat pancake brunch."
"I told my husband that I need a shopping spree to celebrate my pregnancy, but he said he prefers a peaceful household. Good luck with that!"
"Obstetricians are like those stunt coordinators—you’re so proud of them until you realize they don’t even know what it’s like to be pregnant!"
"Being pregnant is just a long, awkward preparation for when your baby sends you out to find them a snack at the most inconvenient times."
"Morning sickness should really be called 'All-day sickness' because it’s a real trick question!"
"I’m pregnant, but I eat like I’ve got a last meal in prison!"
"Every time I feel my baby kick, I think, 'Welcome to the party! You'll need to respect the snacks!'"
"If you’re not hungry, you’re probably just pregnant!"
"You can always tell when a woman is pregnant. The weight of her belly is directly proportional to the amount of snacks she can carry!"
"Being pregnant is like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire, you are on fire, everything is on fire, and you're in hell."
"You’re not fat, you’re pregnant! Oh wait, never mind, you’re just fat."
"Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life when she can help push a baby out of her body and still get a chocolate milkshake."
"I love being pregnant. It’s like having a bowling ball pushing on your bladder all day long."
"The most amazing thing about becoming a parent is that you will never again be your own first priority."
"You know you’re pregnant when you have to shuffle to the bathroom and cannot walk normally anymore."
"Pregnancy is a state of elegance and glowing beauty until it isn’t."
"Pregnancy: The only time when you can be mad at your husband for something that you actually did."
"Expecting a baby? Now it’s time to say goodbye to sleeping like a rock."
"The best way to describe pregnancy is like a roller coaster of love and nausea."
"I thought I was going to be a really cute pregnant lady, but pregnancy was like 4 months of me looking like a potato!"
"Pregnancy changes you as a person. Mainly your body, but still."
"I can’t wait to hold my baby and get back to eating sushi without fear."
"When you're pregnant, every day is a new adventure in tight pants and cravings."
"If you think I'm not planning on drinking wine the second the baby comes out, you're out of your mind."
"After the baby is born, the only thing you can count on is that nobody’s going to sleep!"
"You can’t be pregnant and have a flat belly. Just remember that."
"Congratulations on your pregnancy! From now on, your body won't be yours!"
"One of the most beautiful things about pregnancy is that you can eat for two…or three…or four."
"There’s something about being pregnant that brings out the funny in people."
"Pregnancy is like a marathon – there's a lot of training, and you're exhausted when it's over."
"If you thought being pregnant was like a romantic movie, think again. It’s more like a comedy!"
"With pregnancy, every day can feel like an episode of a reality TV show. And you are the star."
"Being pregnant is like being on a field trip to a museum in a foreign country while trying to solve a mystery alone."
"Childbirth is like watching your favorite movie, but you’re the one in the movie, and you’re in labor!"
"And remember, motherhood is not a punishment; it’s a wonderful ride – full of laughter, especially when they start talking!"
"Being pregnant is like having a huge watermelon in your belly. It’s all fun and games until you have to get out of your chair."
"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass."
"Pregnancy: The only time when you can be mad at someone for being late because they’re cooking your baby."
"I’m not sure how many people are going to get to raise a baby this year, but if you’re going to do it, you might as well get some free food along the way."
"Pregnancy is a condition that sometimes makes you doubt yourself as a mother, friend, and valet."
"The best part of being pregnant? You get to use that 'eating for two' excuse."
"Now that I’m pregnant, I do crazy things. I eat pizza every single day. It’s just me and the pizza."
"You are pregnant and you are powerful. You are bold and you are beautiful. You are growing a human being!"
"To be pregnant is to be vitally alive, thoroughly woman, and undoubtedly inhabited."
"There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one."
"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power."
"Pregnancy is like a game of poker; you either give a lot or steal a lot."
"You know you’re pregnant when... You’ve got to put your pants on one leg at a time. You just can’t find them in the pile."
"Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child."
"Pregnancy can be a lot like a roller coaster ride—lots of ups and downs, but ultimately, it depends on how you take the turns."
"Pregnancy is a bit like disco: You are tired, sweaty, and have no idea what day it is."
"Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a beautiful, noise-producing rental."
"No one told me that pregnancy would be like trying to pour cereal into a bowl with your legs crossed."
"The only thing more exhausting than pregnancy is the energy of the child you will soon have."
"Everyone told me I had to have 'the talk' with my kid. I never had the heart to tell them I was just going to have 'the laugh'."
"When a woman is pregnant, she’s not just knocked up; she’s a walking science experiment."
"Being pregnant means you get to carry on conversations about bodily functions and cravings that are completely inappropriate at any other time."
"When you’re pregnant, all bets are off when it comes to sharing food."
"Pregnancy is the happiest reason ever for being unhappy."
"If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters."
"Pregnancy is like a mental illness. Women need a license to just get pregnant."
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